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  • Page 36 of 44 FirstFirst ... 263435363738 ... LastLast
    Results 351 to 360 of 432
    1. #351
      Senior Member
      is glad to be here with you.
       
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      May 2010
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      A Boy Named Sue

      Speaking of which …

      A Boy Named Sue

      My daddy left home when I was three
      And he didn’t leave much to ma and me
      Just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze.
      Now, I don’t blame him cause he run and hid
      But the meanest thing that he ever did
      Was before he left, he went and named me "Sue."

      Well, he must o’ thought that is quite a joke
      And it got a lot of laughs from a’ lots of folk,
      It seems I had to fight my whole life through.
      Some gal would giggle and I’d get red
      And some guy’d laugh and I’d bust his head,
      I tell ya, life ain’t easy for a boy named "Sue."

      Well, I grew up quick and I grew up mean,
      My fist got hard and my wits got keen,
      I’d roam from town to town to hide my shame.
      But I made a vow to the moon and stars
      That I’d search the honky-tonks and bars
      And kill that man who gave me that awful name.

      Well, it was Gatlinburg in mid-July
      And I just hit town and my throat was dry,
      I thought I’d stop and have myself a brew.
      At an old saloon on a street of mud,
      There at a table, dealing stud,
      Sat the dirty, mangy dog that named me "Sue."

      Well, I knew that snake was my own sweet dad
      From a worn-out picture that my mother’d had,
      And I knew that scar on his cheek and his evil eye.
      He was big and bent and gray and old,
      And I looked at him and my blood ran cold
      And I said: "My name is ‘Sue!’ How do you do!
      Now your gonna die!!"

      Well, I hit him hard right between the eyes
      And he went down, but to my surprise,
      He come up with a knife and cut off a piece of my ear.
      But I busted a chair right across his teeth
      And we crashed through the wall and into the street
      Kicking and a’ gouging in the mud and the blood and the beer.

      I tell ya, I’ve fought tougher men
      But I really can’t remember when,
      He kicked like a mule and he bit like a crocodile.
      I heard him laugh and then I heard him cuss,
      He went for his gun and I pulled mine first,
      He stood there lookin’ at me and I saw him smile.

      And he said: "Son, this world is rough
      And if a man’s gonna make it, he’s gotta be tough
      And I knew I wouldn’t be there to help ya along.
      So I give ya that name and I said goodbye
      I knew you’d have to get tough or die
      And it’s the name that helped to make you strong."

      He said: "Now you just fought one hell of a fight
      And I know you hate me, and you got the right
      To kill me now, and I wouldn’t blame you if you do.
      But ya ought to thank me, before I die,
      For the gravel in ya guts and the spit in ya eye
      Cause I’m the son-of-a-bitch that named you "Sue.’"

      I got all choked up and I threw down my gun
      And I called him my pa, and he called me his son,
      And I came away with a different point of view.
      And I think about him, now and then,
      Every time I try and every time I win,
      And if I ever have a son, I think I’m gonna name him
      Bill or George! Anything but Sue! I still hate that name!

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1BJfDvSITY



      So long as this you fail to see:
      That death precedes re-birth!
      A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
      Upon this darkling Earth.

      ‘The Soul's Yearning'
      Goethe
      ‘The Random Jottings of a Stargazer’
      www.raysofwisdom.com

    2. #352
      Senior Member
      is So shattered so tired so done
       
      I am:
       

      Join Date
      Oct 2010
      Location
      painsville, america
      Posts
      967

      Re: A Boy Named Sue

      aye i am glad you got the refrence :bleh:
      The Truth doesn't always come covered in honey suckled covered roses- sometimes it has thorns and has to pierce and draw blood to make it's point ....point being,that it's raw intention is to draw you in with its beauty, with the allure of its sweet smell only to prick you and laugh as your love lies bleeding...was it worth plucking after all? I applaud the truth, wheteher it's vulgar raw or sweet and sunny...

    3. #353
      Senior Member
      is glad to be here with you.
       
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      A Fairy Tale

      A Fairy Tale

      A man and his wife were celebrating their fortieth wedding anniversary in a quiet romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, the most beautiful tiny fairy appeared before them and said: ‘For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I am granting each of you a wish.’

      The wife answered: ‘Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.’

      The fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – she held two tickets for the Queen Mary II in her hands.

      The husband thought for a moment: ‘Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife thirty years younger than I am.’ The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So, the fairy waved her magic wand and in an instant the husband turned into a man of ninety-two.

      The moral of this story: men inclined to selfish behaviour should, before making wishes, bear in mind that fairies are female.

      Created by Anon.
      Edited by Aquarius
      So long as this you fail to see:
      That death precedes re-birth!
      A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
      Upon this darkling Earth.

      ‘The Soul's Yearning'
      Goethe
      ‘The Random Jottings of a Stargazer’
      www.raysofwisdom.com

    4. #354
      Senior Member
      is glad to be here with you.
       
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      Join Date
      May 2010
      Location
      United Kingdom
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      1,238

      Bill & Ben

      Bill And Ben

      Two men, Bill and Ben, are walking together through the woods when they encounter an enraged grizzly bear which immediately charges them. Bill yells: ‘I’m running’, then turns and dashes off.

      Ben shouts after him: ‘What’s the point? You can’t run faster than the bear.’

      Back comes the reply: ‘No, but I can run faster than you.’

      Created by Anon.
      Edited by Aquarius
      So long as this you fail to see:
      That death precedes re-birth!
      A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
      Upon this darkling Earth.

      ‘The Soul's Yearning'
      Goethe
      ‘The Random Jottings of a Stargazer’
      www.raysofwisdom.com

    5. #355
      Senior Member
      is glad to be here with you.
       
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      Join Date
      May 2010
      Location
      United Kingdom
      Posts
      1,238

      Finding Inner Peace

      Finding Inner Peace

      By following the advice I heard on a Medical TV show, I have at last found some inner peace. A doctor said that the way to achieve this is by always finishing everything once you have started it. Following this advice, I looked round my house this morning to see things I had started and not finished. Before leaving I polished off:

      A bottle of Merlot, a bottle of shhardonay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of vocka, a pockage of Prunglies, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valum, the res of the Chesescke an a box a choclits.

      Yu haf no idr who gud I fel. Peas sen dis orn to dem yu fee ar in ned ov inr pees.

      Created by Anon.
      Edited by Aquarius

      Peace be with you, dear friends!


      So long as this you fail to see:
      That death precedes re-birth!
      A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
      Upon this darkling Earth.

      ‘The Soul's Yearning'
      Goethe
      ‘The Random Jottings of a Stargazer’
      www.raysofwisdom.com

    6. #356
      Senior Member
      is glad to be here with you.
       
      I am:
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      Join Date
      May 2010
      Location
      United Kingdom
      Posts
      1,238

      Pregnancy Questions & Answers

      Pregnancy Questions And Answers

      Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
      A: No, 35 children are enough.

      Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
      A: With any luck, immediately after it finishes college.

      Q: What is the most reliable method of determining a baby’s sex?
      A: Childbirth.

      Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that her behaviour sometimes borders on the irrational.
      A: So what’s your question?

      Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’m going to feel during labour, but pressure. Is she right?
      A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

      Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
      A: When you find out you’re pregnant.

      Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
      A: Yes, pregnancy.

      Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act something like normal again?
      A: When your children are in college.

      Created by Anon.
      Edited by Aquarius

      So long as this you fail to see:
      That death precedes re-birth!
      A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
      Upon this darkling Earth.

      ‘The Soul's Yearning'
      Goethe
      ‘The Random Jottings of a Stargazer’
      www.raysofwisdom.com

    7. #357
      Senior Member
      is glad to be here with you.
       
      I am:
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      Join Date
      May 2010
      Location
      United Kingdom
      Posts
      1,238

      Easy Ways Of Knowing Whether You Have Oestrogen Issues

      Easy Ways Of Knowing Whether You Have Oestrogen Issues

      • Everyone around you has attitude problems.
      • You are adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelette.
      • The dryer seems to have shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
      • You use your mobile phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: ‘How’s my driving? Call so and so …’
      • Other people’s heads look like invitations to practise some batting on.
      • Everybody seems to have just landed on the Earth plane from ‘outer space’.
      • You are sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
      • The painkiller bottle is empty and you only bought it yesterday.

      Created by Anon.
      Edited by Aquarius

      :hugs:
      So long as this you fail to see:
      That death precedes re-birth!
      A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
      Upon this darkling Earth.

      ‘The Soul's Yearning'
      Goethe
      ‘The Random Jottings of a Stargazer’
      www.raysofwisdom.com

    8. #358
      Senior Member
      is glad to be here with you.
       
      I am:
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      Join Date
      May 2010
      Location
      United Kingdom
      Posts
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      Things Only Women Understand

      Things Only Women Understand
      • Cats’ facial expressions.
      • The need for the same style of shoes in different colours.
      • Why bean sprouts aren’t just weeds.
      • Fat clothes.
      • Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
      • The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white and eggshell.
      • Cutting your hair to make it grow.
      • Eyelash curlers.
      • The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
      • Other women.

      Created by Anon.
      Edited by Aquarius

      :rose:
      So long as this you fail to see:
      That death precedes re-birth!
      A gloomy guest you’ll always be,
      Upon this darkling Earth.

      ‘The Soul's Yearning'
      Goethe
      ‘The Random Jottings of a Stargazer’
      www.raysofwisdom.com

    9. #359
      Senior Member
      is failing with cor infractum
       
      I am:
      Crying
       

      Join Date
      Jan 2010
      Location
      where hope and daylight die
      Posts
      2,844

      Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

      A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

      Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!"

      I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

      Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
      the center cannot hold

    10. #360
      Antiquities Friend
      is ready to ban Terry at a
      moment's notice!
       
      I am:
      Wtf
       

      Join Date
      Aug 2009
      Location
      Utah
      Posts
      4,618

      Re: A Chuckle A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

      Quote Originally Posted by Wastingecho View Post
      A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

      Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!"

      I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

      Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
      'Heat, she move up the street in waves. Sugar, sugar, clear your mind leave it all behind. Get in the boat and float. Join in on a high spot and ride, ride. Put on some smile. Stay for a while.'

      Jesus said: Be Passersby. - Gospel of Thomas

      "Each day, go in like an unknown... to prove yourself" - Bobby Fischer

      RIP My son, Sean Carter - Feb 22nd 2007 - Jun 8th 2012

     

     

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