hello all

[SpiritForsaken]

Hey there n thanks for reading...

You may call me Spirit... i am a twenty something year old who, for the last 10+ years has lived at both ends of the spectrum simultaneously . I reside in the corner of my mind where i both drown n my own self loathing yet float to the surface with my narcissism and egotism ... in the last year i witnessed the demise of my 'marriage', lost employment, and was forced to drop out of school... i found new employment where i was then subject to sexual harassment and demoralization from a superior... my mood has dropped substantially and the euphoria i used to feel when i reverted to my narcissism is no longer there... i just need help remembering i matter anymore...

[ImAllAlone]

Dont worry, someone will always love you and you matter to at least one person. Trust me; im a suicidal fourtern year old girl with one parents and slits on my wrists. If you feel that bad, get a therapist or check into a mental hospital for treatment. I have a couseller and im probably going in a mental hospital soon. You can actually meet some pretty cool people in there. Hang in there >.<

[jimk]

hi spirit and welcome.. you seem to have lately gone and lsot some really valuable things.. your continuing and hopefully better existence is always going to be my wish for you..

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Hello Spirit and welcome to SF. Sorry to hear you have been dealing with so much...but you will always matter...remember that. Hope you will find what you're looking for here.

[urPrecious]

You do matter, Spirit - you are irreplaceable. I know it can be tough but there is always hope while there is life. I know it sounds trite but "Where there's life, there's hope" was a saying you may have heard, that is true. Hope for what? one may ask - hope that things will improve, - we may think that to be impossible, but where there is faith, hope can be rekindled, and when you have hope, that is all you need to make a fresh start. Blessings and strength,

[SpiritForsaken]

Thank you to everyone who welcomed me. Kind words from strangers. Right before posting, i found someone who i fell in love with. We completed eachother and complimented each other's personality well. Two weeks ago they txt me that they didn't want a relationship and that i should back off. I have been trying so hard to cope and cant seem to find something to focus on and get me through each day... i just need to find a way to tough it out... i need to ease my pain, but it gets worse. Again i am unemployed and feel like a complete failure.

[urPrecious]

I am so sorry to hear that your relationship ended like that Spirit. Anyone who dumps anyone like that by txt -.... well, in the long run, you are better off without someone who is capable of doing that. You can focus on yourself and telling yourself that you do have the ability, with support like here on SF, to turn this experience to your benefit, because of the learning curve...... This might sound heartless to some, but the thing about life (and people) is still true - that we cannot prevent both from happening to us - the thing that matters most is the attitude we take towards what happens..... and the other truth being, that we CAN choose our attitude, even though to begin with we may not believe this, or be able to see a way through.

In this respect, you will always matter, of course.... everyone will always matter, come what may. No one is trash. We need to believe this, at the bottom of our heart and mind, because it is what is ultimately true. And then things will begin to clear a little. Try and contemplate on the good things you have in your life - physical health, youth, stuff like that. Find somewhere to help out - somewhere where what you have (as basic as it might seem) will be appreciated, and life will start to come back to you - often in unexpected ways hun

[SpiritForsaken]

Thank u so much!
One thing that had been eating away at me was a thought "how little do i matter that they just txt me 'goodbye'?".
Being able to turn to anyone, even strangers in a forum, has helped.
I cant help but feel helpless. Like i try n stand strong but topple over in a slight breeze...
Trapped inside a glass case as the world scurries by.
I went and bought myself new eyeshadow the other day as a small token to myself... something to look forward to wearing sometime soon.
Every little bit helps, but nightfall comes and the tears and anxiety creep upon me as i try to close my eyes and relax.
Life has become that daily battle i fight so hard for and no one notices...

[Acy]

SpiritForsaken, nights can be hard for many people. Sometimes a good cry is a release and then we can fall asleep. Maybe you could find a favorite daydream to focus on and relax with when you go to bed? I hope things are better for you soon!

[urPrecious]

You are right, Spirit - every little bit helps..... When I started to 'mend', I remember now, looking back, that buying an eyeshadow also helped me - just a temporary focus on something new, outside my 'usual' and pretty was indeed a step forward, maybe a tiny one at the time, but you are so right when you say every little bit helps

And strangers in a forum are often the best people for others to turn to, because of the objectivity involved. When something you read strikes you as being true, that's great, you can take it on board knowing that someone out there cares, especially the someones who have been in similar situations