Haven't Been On For A While, But Lately Things Have Taken A Turn For The Worse

[Aurora Gory Alice]

Hi Guys,
I haven't been on for a while, in fact it was over year. Things had improved. I was on my meds, I was seeing friends again, I had stopped cutting, stopped drinking so much, stopped sleeping around, I had found a job and stopped getting in my own way basically and sabotaging my own life.
In the last six months I lost that job but managed to still see friends, stopped cutting and was still drinking less and not sleeping around as I'd met a guy.

Recently I got dumped, started drinking again, started cutting again and everything just seems to be piling on top of me.

Tonight, for the first time in a long time I contemplated suicide and almost went to the cupboard to make a poisonous cocktail.

I cant hold down a job (six months at the most and I quit)
I can't keep a guy for more than two months (I just seem to keep getting dumped, this is the 12th time in 7 years)
My friends are getting sick of me, my mum is getting sick of me, my family are getting sick of me. I just turned 29 and Im getting sick of myself.

My Mum said to me the other day "I'm 60 now, I wont be around to take care of you for much longer, what are you gonna do when Im gone?". And honestly I thought about it... what AM I gonna do? I have no cash, no qualifications, no solid work experience, no close friends, family, no-one to take me in, no boyfriend/husband, nothing.
I'm all alone.

What exactly is the point of me being here?? I mean SERIOUSLY what is the point of me? Why am I here?

[total eclipse]

YOu HUN did great to hold a job for as long as you did That is an accomplishment not many can do so be proud of yourself hun Mental illness makes it very hard for one to keep a job but you did for awhile. Im sorry you are feeling so frightened and alone. You are still very young hun you are. Talk to your doctor ok i just know things will turn around again ok they will Everyone gave up on my twin but you know what she is stable again and so you can go get that stability back. Try getting some support in place now for you ok apply for disability benefits get your doctor to help you Your mother loves you hun she does but she does not know how to help you
You don't know who will show up in your life hun in the future i did not marry until well in my 30 so don't give up ok hugs

[Aurora Gory Alice]

Thanks Total Eclipse. Your words really helped. I really do feel very much alone right now.