I haven't been on for a while, in fact it was over year. Things had improved. I was on my meds, I was seeing friends again, I had stopped cutting, stopped drinking so much, stopped sleeping around, I had found a job and stopped getting in my own way basically and sabotaging my own life.
In the last six months I lost that job but managed to still see friends, stopped cutting and was still drinking less and not sleeping around as I'd met a guy.
Recently I got dumped, started drinking again, started cutting again and everything just seems to be piling on top of me.
Tonight, for the first time in a long time I contemplated suicide and almost went to the cupboard to make a poisonous cocktail.
I cant hold down a job (six months at the most and I quit)
I can't keep a guy for more than two months (I just seem to keep getting dumped, this is the 12th time in 7 years)
My friends are getting sick of me, my mum is getting sick of me, my family are getting sick of me. I just turned 29 and Im getting sick of myself.
My Mum said to me the other day "I'm 60 now, I wont be around to take care of you for much longer, what are you gonna do when Im gone?". And honestly I thought about it... what AM I gonna do? I have no cash, no qualifications, no solid work experience, no close friends, family, no-one to take me in, no boyfriend/husband, nothing.
I'm all alone.
What exactly is the point of me being here?? I mean SERIOUSLY what is the point of me? Why am I here?