New here

[dlj1972]

Hi everyone. I came across this site when doing a google search for suicide forums. I'm a 39 year old female and I separated from my husband in February this year. I have depression and anxiety and have been battling it for the past four years or so. When I look back now, I think that I have had depression since I was a teenager - I just didn't realise it.

I've had a breakdown of some kind and I'm finding increasingly difficult to function each day. I've been having suicidal thoughts for some time now and they've been pretty strong over the last couple of days. Over the last four years I have had a lot of admissions to my local mental health unit, all of which I have no recollection of. Not sure if that's a good thing or not.

My depression started when I was working - I'm a teacher. I took 6 months off work to get sorted and during this time things just fell apart. I was sexually abused as a child and all of a sudden I couldn't cope with this information (and I still can't). I began having flashbacks and nightmares and began self harming. Each time my husband or mental health worker took the knife off me I would go out and buy another one. I haven't cut for about 3 months now which is the longest I have gone without cutting in the last 4 years.

There is so much more to share but I am feeling very drained right now. I'm looking forward to communicating with people who have experienced what I have experienced and understand what it feels like.

[total eclipse]

Hi dlj1972 i understand hun and i know one get so drained I do hope hun you have some professional help to deal with your past abuse.

I am glad to hear you have not self harmed for 3 months wow hun way to go.
In time hun little by little you can tell you story and in doing so i hope it helps you heal some hugs to you

[1Lefty]

Welcome, you're in the right place. You'll meet a lot of nice people who already understand you.

Just understanding, and admitting your suicidal thoughts is a big step in the right direction.

This thing we have, depression and being drawn to suicide, isn't like the measles, have them once, you're cured and never have them agan. At least for me (and others here)

We all try to help each other here, and we'll give you so many cyber-hugs of encouragement and support.

And if you need some one-one support, send a private message.

Good luck.

[not2serene]

Hi dlj1972...glad you're here. I'm new here also.

I'm sorry for all you've been through & applaud you for sharing what you did; I know it's not easy for you. I hope that this, along w/ other things & people in your life, will help you work through all the stuff.

I can relate to much of what you've said & it seems there are many here who can as well. Sometimes it helps just to have people who've been there; you don't have to walk this journey alone.

[dlj1972]

Thanks for the welcome