Dying of Loneliness – Mental Health and Loneliness

Dying of Loneliness
Loneliness can kill - reclaim your life with our community

Mother Theresa once said “The biggest disease today is not leprosy or cancer or tuberculosis, but rather the feeling of being unwanted, uncared for and deserted by everybody.” That loneliness is devastating is not new information; everyone who has felt alone understands how painful it can be. For the lucky many, loneliness is a fleeting feeling but for those who cannot find the escape hatch, loneliness can be a terrible, and fatal, trap.

Forums and Chat

Can Loneliness Really Kill You?

Research is reported to show that people who have no social supports and who feel alone have as greater increased risk of early death as alcoholic, while  succeeding in making friends can be as good for our health as giving up smoking. Spending too much time alone, particularly if that time is not filled with rewarding distractions, often leads to fatalistic thinking and philosophizing that, in turn, lead to damaging thought patterns. In addition to this, a lack of accountability to people who care about you and your welfare can mean that self destructive urges that are usually curbed by fear of worrying or upsetting loved ones can get completely out of control.

According to a study by Brigham Young University, the subjective feeling of loneliness – that is to say feeling alone whether or not you are, in fact, alone – can increase the chance of death by 26%. It is not just being alone that is a significant risk to ongoing good health; just feeling uncared for, unheard and unsupported can be almost as dangerous as actually being isolated.

Feeling alone surrounded by people
Sometimes you can feel alone no matter how many people there are with you.

Loneliness and  Mental Health

Loneliness is a key theme on our forums – people who feel alone find it harder to combat suicidal urges and deal with mental illness. The mental health charity Mind report that being lonely can add to mental health issues such as depression, loneliness and anxiety. It also suggests that loneliness can contribute to rarer mental health conditions such as schizophrenia.

Loneliness can have a significant impact on our mental health – The University Herald reported that a study by the University of Chicago found loneliness to be linked to disrupted sleep, increases in the stress hormone cortisol and an overall perceived lowering in general well-being. That loneliness can contribute to poor mental health is well documented, but it is important not to ignore the other side of the coin: that poor mental health can be the cause of increased loneliness and isolation, both subjectively and actually.

One of the key symptoms of clinical depression is a feeling of loneliness and sadness. Often this feeling is not objectively true, but depression does not often care for the facts. On top of this already heightened sense of isolation, depression also has the effect of reducing our interest in socializing and participating in activities we once found enjoyable. By withdrawing from these activities, spending less time in social situations, people suffering from mental health conditions often isolate themselves.

As depression, anxiety and eventually suicidal thoughts and impulses take hold of our life, we find it harder to talk to people and engage in negative thought patterns such as:

  • My mental health is my problem; people shouldn’t have to deal with my ‘craziness’
  • People don’t like me anyway; I should stay on my own so I am not rejected.
  • I hurt everyone who cares about me; it is better for everyone if I am alone.
  • Even if I go out and socialize I won’t have fun; there isn’t any point in trying.

If any of these thoughts sound familiar – it is likely that your mental health problems are making your feeling of loneliness worse. Tempting as it is to isolate ourselves, telling ourselves that it is saving us from pain in the long run, the truth is that we are creating our own pain through our actions. Knowing this is the first step to fighting this life threatening problem.

Practical Steps for Easing Loneliness

Loneliness, left alone, will only ever get worse. It is not something that will fix itself and not something that gets better without attention and effort. Unfortunately, new friends are unlikely to simply knock on the door.

There are lots of ways that people will suggest you ‘find new friends’ – most of them involve joining a club or group to find like-minded people. This is an excellent idea but the simple fact is that if you were in a place where you felt able to go and join a group of strangers, the chances are that you would not have stopped seeing your own friends and family in the first place. Sites like Meetup.com are an excellent resource for finding friendship and getting out of the house, but they are not necessarily the best ‘first step’ on the road to re-socializing.

The UK National Health Service recommends that people suffering from loneliness ‘learn to love computers’. It is indisputable that the internet makes connecting with people easier and less stressful for many people with social anxiety issues and who need to be able to speak to people on their own terms. Online communities can be an excellent place to start to build up broken down social confidence – on forums and in chat rooms, talking to people without normal social pressures. It is, however, important to remember that these communities are not a replacement for ‘real life’ social interaction. As a starting place they are excellent, but they should be a supplement to other social interaction.

Once your confidence has been rebuilt to some level you can try:

  • Finding clubs and groups online – sites like Meetup offer groups with no obligation.
  • Joining a church, if you are religiously inclined
  • Taking a night class or day college course – most colleges offer short courses that can last as little as one day in all sorts of areas.
  • Re-connect with old friends – often a simple apology for having dropped off the face of the planet for a while and an invitation to coffee is enough to start to rebuild a friendship.
  • Volunteer for a charity or non-profit – having structure and a shared goal/purpose makes it easier to build friendships and eases social pressure.

Everything Starts with Starting

Making a beginning is the hardest part – but it is also the most important. Nothing changes unless something changes. Doing the brave thing today can make all the difference to your tomorrows. Here at SF we understand the difficulties that loneliness brings and we understand how hard it can be to start.

Button

 

 

 

 

(Visited 106,853 times, 8 visits today)

161 Comments

  • Your suggestions about decreasing loneliness and isolation all assume that a person is able to get around and has money to spend. Transportation and participation always cost. Nothing in life is free.
    Not only do I suffer from poverty but I have always been told how worthless I am and made to feel that Everything was my fault. I have no social skills and I`m to old to develope them. That is if I could go anywhere. I`m alone everywhere.

      • I feel the exact same way. Each year my friend count gets lower and lower, simply because people get busy and forget me, which is really sad since I was the friend who was always there for them. Now I am suicidal with loneliness and no one knows or cares. Never marries, no kids, abusive mom for family. I ‘ve joined churches and non-profits and all kinds of things- still no real friends. My only friends are my cat and God.

        • Star, you have to keep going, keep pulling yourself up. Do not give up. You sound like you still have a friend or two…use that to bolster your confidence and find something to do so you can be around people and increase your chances of connecting. I urge you to try. I am older on my drivers license, but feel very young inside. I am cautioning you that life can be harsher. I kept myself in a marriage that was strange and very abusive. I had a narcissist hsuband who subjected me to his NPD for 29 yrs, keeping me isolated, emotionally deprived, and controlled, all the while insisting I stay on the psych meds that were not helping me improve, not matter how they changed them. Of course, I did not recognize the marriage as abusive. I married the man of my dreams and he disappeared on our wedding night and his body housed an old stuffy boring middle aged guy who never shared conversation with me again. I did not understand untiil recently, when my only children, two sons in their mid twenties, seemed to have abandoned me after their dad and I split. I was shocked to realize they had been gone 5 yrs. No texts, visits, calls, letters, emails, or cards. I don’t know where they live or work. I was a stay at home mom devoted to my wonderful loving fun little boys. They graduated with honors and were very cool kids, choosing not to drink, smoke or do drugs, yet they were welcome at parties or wherever they went. Their dad lost his job shortly before they graduated and I tried being a supportive wife and give him what he desired. He wanted to be left alone (of course) so I did not bother him. after 8 months without a job, no interviews, no offers, he finally took a job at half pay. He had shut me out so completely that no one noticed if I was in the house or not. No one spoke to me. It was odd. The boys were out a lot. I went to a mental health program. They provided transportation and my van driver turned out to be a convicted rapist and for 9 months I was in hell. But each day I got back on the van because it was better than staying home where my husband was. Slowly over the years, he had removed my sunshine, my happiness, my hope, one little piece at a time. We did not laugh in our home. There was no conversation, no dreams, no activity. He watched tv. He slowly changed how I saw myself. I thought I was old, ugly, washed out, awkward, and a burden. I was stuck with him because no one else would want me. I had a career but gave it up to raise our sons. So no current job skills. Once the van driver raped me, I went into self protection mode. After many months of hell, I decided to turn him in to his employer. I was terrified because he had threatened me and my sons. I did my best but his employer had been through this before. I did what no one else could or would do. I fought back. I was overmedicated and fought through the fog. I had setback after setback and was on my own investigating. But without fighting I would die a victim. I got a 5 minute news story aired 2 yrs later on a major city’s station. I thought now I only had to fight my own damage and recover. That was 7 yrs back. I’ve been through hell since then. Constant. I divorced my husband, best thing that happened. However, nothing turned out like I hoped. He was cruel. He took my sons’ love away. Somehow during our final yrs married, he got my loving sons to see me as manipulative and abusive, which is not me at all and they always had respect and love for me. It is called Parental Alienation. Anyways, Here I am. 5 yrs on my own, no friends, no family, sons are gone, ex hasnt’ said a word to me, no idea where he is. No job. My church closed. I have done everything to find a life. But I now have stalkers, yes stalkers, neighbors who moved in across the street who make a game of bullying me. they moved in with bad intentions of trying to buy my home and I was not going to move out. They have scared me so much, and my rapist has been free this whole time, that I stopped sleeping due to nightmares, got very sick from not absorbing nutrients due to stress, lost my hair, lost my mind. I stopped the psych meds cold turkey without telling anyone and it sent me into 5 yrs of hellish detox where every emotion and feeling was so intensified that I could barely stand it. I lost my mind at the same time that I had to learn to live alone for the first time in almost 30 yrs at the same time the stalkers moved in….and I had to learn to live on a very tiny income. I am the scary crazy lady. But not really. I am warm and wonderful. But slowly I am becoming afraid and suspicious and angry. It is becoming apparent that I won’t make friends and may be alone to the end. I failed to develop social skills during the marriage because i focused on depression and counseling as I isolated. Do not do this to yourself. It is not nice and very hard to overcome when no one is there to help you keep your chin up. I fall emotionally constantly and am battling. Now i don’t care if I live or die. I try each day but I cry each night. So do better. Learn from my errors. i hope you are feeling a bit better today. Hugs.

        • My cat died. Unexpectedly. It’s not in Gods plan for me not to hurt but I can’t accept that. I hurt so bad. I miss my cat. He was the only friend I had the past 14 years. Family goes through the motions at holidays. I had friends during the year 2013. For 11 months. The only time in my life and they in a days time all wrote me off. No warning. I was good to them but I just didn’t matter

          • I’m sorry to hear about your cat. I miss my dog a lot, too.

            I’ve gone through many of the ups and downs I see in the comments here, and some of my medicines (anti-epileptic drugs) have altered my brain chemistry so much that I feel like a stranger to myself sometimes. Things that used to evoke powerful emotional responses sometimes get nothing out of me. It feels like I’ve lost a part of who I am because of the depression and the seizures/meds.

            But I like to think that depression and loneliness are a sign that we have lots of pent-up life and energy inside us, needing to be expressed but stuck. We just have to find some kind of outlet for it. I’ve found that physical exercise helps. Requires virtually no money and, unless you’re totally handicapped, you can do something to get your heart beating. I remember reading a paper once that compared two groups of people who wanted to change their lives. In one group, the people took changes one at a time, trying to achieve little goals before doing other ones. In the other group, the people tried to make several changes all at once. And guess what? The results were the opposite of what everyone tells us. The group that made several changes were far more successful in seeing their goals through. Each thing they tried changing (regular exercise, quitting smoking, better sleep habits, more socialization, better diet, etc.) fed on every other thing in a positive feedback way. The authors concluded by saying if you want to make serious life changes, you may be better off doing them all at once rather than being cautious about it. Anyway, good luck.

        • I’veJust saw your comment Star and it’s exactly how I feel…it’s the day before hog many and I know i’ll be own my own yet again me and my dog, every passing year gets lonelier I’ve given up on the thought of someone loving me…it’s like the world is moving but I’m standing still.

    • TQ I feel same as you. I have been thrown away like a bag of rubbish and cannot be around people. I have no friends and family so don’t have anyone to talk to. I have no social skills and too old to develop them. I am not offered any mental health support. Life is meaningless

      • Deborah, i hope you are okay. My heart goes out to you. I am in the same boat…and worse. The mental health support in my state was supposed to be among the best, yet a large behavioral health hospirtal changed its own rules to hire a level 2 sex offender convicted of rape and employed him as a van driver. For 4 years. I was his last victim. I will never be on psych meds again. I tried them for 25 yrs and at the insistence of my husband i stayed on them and kept allowing them to be adjusted. By the time the hospital was told about my abuse by their employee, i failed to notice the overmedication. I was so traumatized I did not notice they were supposed to help me and make me feel hopeful. It did not go that way. Ten years later now, I figured I would be speaking out to let women understand what a predator looks like. I want to describe how it felt to sit 12 inches away from a predator. Being allowed to stand in my shoes, umm sit in my seat?, will astound most people. The answers to those two issues, what does he look like and how does it feel before you knew you were in trouble, will change your life. It did mine. However, that was not the hard parf. Actually that gave me fire to desire to Rise Up and Shine. I drove alone in my sweet Lucy convertible for 100,000 miles, always intending to make seeing my military son my destination. Sometimes I arrived in a couple days. Sometimes it took me a whole month. But it got me out of this and into the world. It felt well it felt scary. But I remembered my panic as a teen to escape the hell of having my soul ripped out by my mother, having my reputation destroyed, shredding at my credibility but that i held on to…there is only one truth. I ran, drugs and alcohol numbed the raw edges and burned the anger like fire in my soul and I hit the road over and over hitchhiking with a friend adventuring across the United States or just across our state. But it saved me. i came out strong. Now I see my mom was my BootCamp Sargent preparing me for this time in my life. Wow. Not just anyone can stand up to a mental hospital and say “no I won’t be quiet. I hurt like mad, I can’t think, I’m panicking, nothing is right…I won’t be quiet. People need to know that this happened. It might be happening somewhere else. I was scared and didn’t want to tell but it wouldn’t stop. The mental abuse he dished out was destroying me. Yet, I needed all that to get me to wake up and see my life. See that I have a chance at one so I did my best to overcome the horrid nightmares, panic attacks, fear, pain, yadayada. I knew I was seriously damaged though and it was obvious this ran too deep for a van driver to affect. 5 yrs to now I have stood on my own, no sons, the ex who loved me so very deeply moved in with a younger woman and her two toddler sons. The only friends allowed over here , two neighbor ladies, moved back to town. I got creative and I cooked and had kids come by and eat. Young adults. It was great. i got nutrition too. But some of the kids from one group used that time to steal from my home and ultimately the nice kids left or became thieves and the rest all took their piece. many in a cruel way. I got neighbors who stalk and bully me from the day they moved in 4 yrs ago. I had the best dr who prescribed experimental therapy that has done miracles for me … and he suddenly quit practicing and moved away, last month. No referrals to other doctors who canhelp me detox from the medication or who will work with me to continue to prescribe? I can’t fear being completely honest with my dr about the effects but my dr needs to be honest and not judgmental with me. I could really trust and understand my doctor. He worked with me. You can’t imagine how afraid that makes me feel. The one person I could trust…it feels like every one I encounter will poke me and leave. I hope the darkness lifts so I can see the happy beginnings of each of those gloomy endings. I will one day. Today is heavy. I want you to know how important it is to keep going. But someone reminded me on my sons 25th birthday that it is okay to say “Hey, my load is heavy. i must wallow in it for a moment and let myself be real. We do not need to work on healing every day. It is not a setback, it is Life.” What a shock to realize that in 5 years one friend has been here 4 times, another twice. My brother and his grown daughters did not have time and couldnt help me from across the country. I had friends who actually said “goodbye, so sorry things worked out so bad for you.” Wow, I don’t want to live in this world. On my good days that is when I stand up and tell people Now is the time the Universe needs nice people! When they take, Give More! Not to them…to the grateful, the helpful, the kind, a hand up. It is much more effective on your depression and your mood than sitting in a counselors office focused on the panic anxiety and depression. It’s all about balance and thats hard to find when you are off balance from loneliness and you have only walls to hear you speak. Hugs to you. I hope you find the tiny joys in the day, like the sunset or a singing bird.

    • Hi Nicola, i agree with you this is hell on earth. For all the suffering, pain, hardships and inequities i have found little joy or happiness. It is exhausting fighting your entire life to gain opportunities others take for granted or see as entitlements. Fighting discrimination, psychopaths, narcissists and sociopaths – all wearing you down and depleting your once open joyous personality. i come from poverty and have spent my lifetime attempting to break the cycle while overcoming depression.

      Sounds like you are miserable and have given up on life. I know that feeling of lying in bed unmotivated to go out or be involved in any activities – apathy leaves you feeling listless, robbing you of your personality and mojo. A slow and drawn out undignified death of our human selves.

      Have you tried therapy of community group therapy classes?

    • I have a very good paying job and want for very little. I’m always continuing in making my living bigger or more providing. I have no people in life and no confidence OR desire to venture outside my lonely little world for interaction. The desperate need for value is so far from sight That I’d give anything to have an empty bank account and someone’s love than have a bank account full Of cash and a heart full of loneliness and self hate. Money is the most worthless thing we put value on. I’m proof. Life is a plague- relentless torturing- without love. The tyranny of an empty room is what will push me into my suicide

      • I know how you feel. People say call a suicide hotline, they give you alternatives, but no one really understands. I’ve never been able to do anything right with my parents, I’ve been through therapy, good therapy, I understand it all logically, but now I am 51, I never had the children I wanted. I have a nice husband, but he doesn’t understand my pain. His children are in there 20’s and they want nothing to do with me. I don’t seem like a depressed and sad person, and I appear outgoing on the outside, but every day gets harder and harder and I get closer and closer to just wanting the pain to go away. I honestly don’t think anyone would care if I was gone. I don’t have brothers and sisters, my mom is dying, my father thinks I am not worth anything, and my husband doesn’t deserve me. Being lonely is the worst feeling in the world. People think if they are around you that you won’t be lonely. They don’t understand.

        • People try their best. I essentially have no one around me other than my parents. And they don’t really understand what is going on. But maybe you should try to help your husband understand your pain. It sounds like you have someone at least who cared enough about you to intertwine his life with yours and as a man who values relationships highly I find it hard to believe that he wouldn’t care if you were gone. Maybe the decision on whether he deserves you or not should be left up to him? Not trying to offend you, I understand how hard it is feeling lonely all day. Just saying you have someone, maybe you should work with him to improve your situation. Hopefully it gets better for you.

          • 😐 sorry I am so lonely also we should all talk to each. Other. That will help I have no family left I am not young but I have one very special Angel in my life my puppy named Tahiti without her I would die

      • …..you are still blessed to be something in life and will never have to live in your car. I know money will never ever replace love PERIOD-but when you have helped all of your friends with your last….and not one can or cares to assist you. I have no living close family and feel so lost and confused. As many others I beg God to end it, I think I just may be a freak as every peer would tell me as a child. I wish I could afford therapy, just someone to listen to me and tell me to keep fighting. I was never married and have no children….I try so hard to make people like me but the more I do, it seems I irk them even more. When you call people you know and they don’t answer or hang up when they hear your voice as if their phone died. Unless I just listen they have no use for me. I just wanted to be normal…..I am a dog that is not allowed in the house. I just feel I wish I would have died with the few people I ever mattered to. My soul has become weak and I live in fear and loneliness. Thank you all for letting me know I am not alone.

        • I’m very lonely because my girlfriend of over 5 years left me last April she left me because she is bully me for no reason. Many women also mean to me because I’m deaf. But I have many male friends. Sound weird?

    • I really really understand how you feel. I have no real friends, my family has rejected me and I’m really ready to commit suicide but worried that I’ll mess it up and wind up brain damaged and incapable of finishing the job. I’m not young so that makes it worse.

      I think that we can help each other though by using this website – for me I’ll know that someone out there knows what is going on with me and just communicating will make things better. Will you please contact me and maybe we can help eachother

      • I feel for you.
        loneliness is killing me too but oh, so SLOWLY.
        I also wish I could go to sleep and never wake up.

        • Hi my name is jasmina and i am so so lonely man..its like its just me on this earth. I feel invisible to everyone…it hurts and it sucks really bad

        • Well….I’m not sure how or where or why I am trying to express my self and reading all these situations that these people have gone through. Right now I am 50 years old, single male looks like 29 seriously. Just a number. I am hearing impaired since birth. I am a Christian but I am not perfect and am a sinner like everyone else. Sometimes I feel like I am not a Christian because for me it is hard to fit in. I’m a single never been married and no children. I desired to have a wife and children but it gets worse. Why? Ever since I started college, I was in the auto accident injured my head and neck with disc stick out half way of c3 and c5 cervical spine. I still walk but other ailments came in .dizziness headaches confusion, depression, isolation, esophageal spasm and stomach problems. I have neuropathic pains.I am living with someone temporary and I have not seen my Mother and siblings for six years and I feel like no one cares. I get disability and working two jobs but low poverty line income driving auto auction. I felt like my life is incomplete . I think I can relate to Robin Williams and he hadParkinson and depression and committed suicide but he has wife and children. I don’t! I just don’t understand. And I noticed something else that the person wants to be with someone to talk to and her name is Sandy from last year on December 2016 and tonight is August 31st, 2017 at 10:03pm. I’m not sure anymoreand I am tired with pain and suffering from 7 years ago auto accident and yet not finish University to graduate with $60K in student loans. Struggling to survive but yet to think about commiting about suicide. Plus my entire life is incomplete and failure to my family and friends and God! I am the most loneliness person on earth because no one understands me. I am looking for down to earth compassionate woman who really cares and still looking and I can not understand this generation is leading to. ..I don’t have a car but I have tried everything and no one cares. And Sandy, if you are still out there? I don’t know but maybe you found someone and married to him who is taking care of you. If you are? I wish you best regards. I am crying right now and I am extremely exhausted. ….unknown decisions about when to die and to get away from this evil world with hypocrites,liars and careless evildoers. Good night!

        • I feel exactly the same way. I want to go to sleep and never wake up…..so badly.
          My ex cheated on me with my boss and now they are married. Their FB shows them doing things that I had said I wanted to do. It hurt so bad that they both thought it was ok to be cheating and still both looking me in the eye.
          After two years, I am still alone. I want so badly to be loved, but no one wants to love me. I am pretty and smart, been told I am fun. But no one wants me. I am a 50 yr old woman that looks and feels so much younger. But, men my age only want the younger ones. I am not ready to date someone in their 60s. But, that is all that is interested in me. I now eat until I feel sick and am continuing to gain weight. I figure if I am fat, at least that is a reason no one wants to be with me. I drink every night and pass out in bed. I don’t want to work. I don’t want to go out of the house. I used to shower every day and now I have no desire to shower. Why should I when I have no reason to leave the house. I wish there was a guaranteed way to kill myself. I don’t want to feel this way for the rest of my life. I don’t understand why God is torturing me like this.

      • Two desperately depressed people cannot help each other. Misery loves company. You need to step outside of yourself to really get the help you need.

        • Where is your objective, scientific evidence that “two desperately depressed people cannot help each other”? You make that claim as if it were a scientific fact when it’s a personal and cultural bias, a belief, not a proven fact.

          There are many examples throughout the animal kingdom of abandoned and even near-death animals that “should” have died but for the simple companionship of another near-death, abandoned animal, even from another species. And as many in forums just like this one have pointed out, sometimes it is profoundly helpful knowing another can empathize (not merely sympathize).

          Unless you can prove the claim, please don’t lecture others that what they might find helpful can or cannot help.

    • Try to go out for a long walk in the morning and evening. Try to exercise start with smaller ones and gradually increase the timing.

    • I feel bad for you and I feel the same way, its hard living but i hope you survive it anything is possible if you believe it. Don’t feel hopeless everyone you think hates you (friends, family ETC) they don’t if you don’t have friends like me i really feel bad everything gets better if you just wait I’m sure pal. A lots of people are alone like you and them and me but think about your live (if your suicidal) its special. it really is and think about your family if you died well they will cry about you cause they love you and care don’t think they don’t lots of people care about you worry about you 🙂 And by the way good creative day to you! you deserve support and help + hope + happiness, great life and lots will pray to you. Good luck and good positivity 😀

    • Hi. I’m Lesley. I have just read your message and would like to communicate with you. Would that be okay? I swear I understand how you feel.

    • I had a major fear of men instilled in me when I was younger. That has led to major intimacy issues. I finally did have a boyfriend for a year who I fell in love with. Then he phoned me up to tell me he was moving away for a year. I have been alone again for another year. My family has never been here to visit me after 12 years. I want it to end

    • I am so sorry. I feel the same. No one cares about me. I have tried all of those things they list. You are right. There becomes a point where one is too old for things to change. The thought of hurting and being so alone even one more day is more than I can stand.

      • @R: Exactly. There’s only a limited time for meaningful (to the one living a life, not the billions on the outside judging it) change. Then ageism eventually kicks in. No one (virtually) wants to be around “old” people–and “old” starts younger and younger… The irony is that after staying alive and sucking it up for decades, you’re left alone to die, abandoned, simply because you’ve survived.

        “The thought of hurting and being so alone even one more day is more than I can stand.” Truer words…

    • My life is different but I can relate. There are just some of us whom no one can ever really love, care about, etc no matter what we do or don’t do. I’m sorry you hurt.

    • So sorry to read your post. I can completely relate to the feeling of being stuck you describe. Wishing and praying for a complete change for the better for you.

    • No wonder you have no money if you genuinely think you are worthless.You’ve been conditioned to think this by people with their own issues.

      I don’t know what to say to change your mind, I want to say something useful, but I don’t know how. All I know is that every baby comes into the world needing and deserving love. Criminals and the most evil people in the world aren’t born that way, they learn that through the ways they are treated and made to feel. Seeing as you are here, I’m willing to bet that just like me, you do everything you can to be useful, to be kind so people might see you as someone of value.
      You don’t need to do anything like that. You are worthy as a life in itself.

      I’m there too. I don’t know how long ago you wrote this, but I hope you are still alive and I hope your life has changed. I hope one day you see your worth. I hope we both do.

    • Hi, I just saw your comments . It is so sad you feel that way . You definitely do have social skills as you wrote that touching comment. I hope things have improved for you since then . I will be thinking of you in my prayers .

    • Thank you! This is my problem too. Poverty. No car and no public transportation available. No one to help me. I’m beyond done. I just want it over. I want the pain to stop.

    • My only child died a horrible death. Nothing will ever change that. I have family and friends that love me. I have a job. Meeting new people or joining a club won’t make anything better. It’s been 11 years and I’ve taken meds for depression but meds can’t help the pain I feel. I don’t want to live if my child can’t. I’ll never be happy again. I can’t kill myself. I just want to be dead

  • Sometimes I wonder why live what’s the point? Who would really miss me ? I can’t seem to do anything right and when I do feel like I acomplish something there’s someone doing better than me also when I do acomplish something the credit always goes to someone else, no friends no hope I try so hard in school I have a mental disease stopping me from learning as fast as others called ADHD get no help with that still make honor roll but my GPA is dumb low 2.90 while I work so hard for one that’s around 3.50 while others don’t even have to study I’m at home working hard and I’m tried not to mention I have headaches everyday a mom who’s just as depressed and always yelling at me hate my life and it wasn’t for God I would of been killed myself

  • I am sorry that you are having such a hard time NA – when you say you get no help with the ADHD does that mean it is untreated? I am not surprised you are struggling if you are not taking anything for it. I understand not wanting to “bother” your mom if she is sick, but you do need to talk to a school counsellor or a doctor about the headaches and how crappy you feel.

    If you want to join the community we have a live chat and a lot of people who understand how it feels to wonder if there is any point. It sounds like you need support so come and talk to us!

  • I have aspergers syndrome. I am a female and the only man who ever loved me truly, shot himself. It’s a chore to even wake up in the morning. I have a condition that cannot be cured. Unlike cancer where everyone prays for you and loves you while you suffer, people hate and despise me. I have friends, but do I really? People don’t want to bother with people like me after long. I find no joy in life, and everyone bores me. I am an ENTP on that brigs Meyer nonsense. If people with cancer can end their suffering, why can’t I end mine? Suicide is a personal right. It is selfish and I am suffering with someone else’s choice now, but must anyone live with this pain? You could make me laugh or even smile, but will you cure me? Will I find a man who loves me? Probably not. Will I ever be like everyone else? Nah! I think about the end so much, even before he died it was on my mind. It haunts me. What is the point of living like this?!

    • The difference is in even the person with cancer is limited by “terminal” and “within 6 months or less” so the criteria missing are far more than simply the diagnosis. So far as the ENTP – you said it exactly right – nonsense – shown to be as absent of basis in reality as the entire freudian concepts of the same time period as Jung – it was the earliest days of psychiatry- pioneers and far more wrong and guesses than accurate. The bottom line comes down to perception- your perception that peopel hate you – and the reasons why and the fact these are all ultimately choices you can make- you can choose differently to have different outcomes. Boredom is curable – it simply takes effort to find something that interests you- and , if it is actually not boredom but is disinterest or lack or pleasure from things based on depression symptoms- treatment. Nobody is like everyone else- there is no normal- so no, there is no cure. Bit that is not because lack of knowledge or scientific advancement to find a cure- it is because of lack of anything to be cured – there is nothing “broken” due to a personality type and certainly nothing that requires “curing ” in aspergers where the list of people with asperger’s is huge and very good company including recent vice presidents of the US and many celebrities and renowned experts in many fields. The “pain” is caused by a reaction to a situation and reaction can be controlled , use coping methods, or simply changed by changing life situations- and none of it is on an expiring 6 month clock like your example.I cannot predict your future and the odds of finding a man – but the fact is you cannot either, so making dire predictions of future of loneliness and lovelessness is not at all in keeping with the “ENTP brigs meyer- so I would strongly suggest the psychologist that determined that personality type made some real errors – may prefer and get energized through extroversion though that would be very counter to asperger’s as a rule, are focused on immediate reality and ignore future possibilities, are making decisions based on current social considerations as opposed to logic, and are clearly not trying to keep options open.
      E – Extroversion preferred to introversion: ENTPs gain energy through interactions with people or objects in the outside world.
      N – Intuition preferred to sensing: ENTPs tend to be more abstract than concrete. They focus their attention on the big picture rather than the details first, and on future possibilities rather than immediate realities.
      T – Thinking preferred to feeling: ENTPs tend to value objective criteria above personal preference. When making decisions, they generally give more weight to logic than to social considerations.
      P – Perception preferred to judgment: ENTPs tend to withhold judgment and delay important decisions, preferring to “keep their options open” should circumstances change

      You deserve a better life and there is no doubt you are not happy or feel in pain now, but there are genuine solutions. I hope you take some time to look into those because you deserve better.

    • I’m new..but I’m sorry for your loss ma’am. I’m a combat veteran of the Marine Corps…and I struggle with severe and chronic PTSD. I’m 42..and all I know is loneliness. I’ll talk to all y’all all day. My high school “sweetheart” as its called drove her car into a tree. That was the worse day of my life. So I joined the Marines hoping the hurt would go away…not so. Now ive lost more going thousands of miles away..friends..brothers that I went through all the training with. It’s like I was meant to be alone. I don’t know..maybe I shouldn’t talk in groups like this…I’ve been lost for years..I don’t know. But I know I’m not the only person who suffers. God bless all y’all.

      • Rob, I’m so alone, too. I have a special place in my heart for military members, especially hurting ones. I am here for you. I’m hurting, too, but you are not alone.

  • Hello, I never knew just how painful loneliness can be until recently. It physically hurts. I don’t know how much space I’m allowed here so I won’t explain it all. I was incarcerated for nearly twenty years for a drug related crime and was released back in 2006. When released I was invited by a sister to come and live with her, and her family, in a new town and new state and I took her up on her offer. It didn’t last very long and I was asked to leave. Not being able to make friends the way most people make friends either through school or work and having been extremely introverted my entire life, I found myself in a small one bedroom apartment. My health began to deteriorate and I soon found myself very alone and unable to go out much. It’s gotten to the point where my phone doesn’t ring for weeks and then it’s only a doctor’s office reminding me of an appointment. When that happens I find myself wanting to talk to whoever it is that has called for the reminder, about everyday things. They don’t want to listen they just want to get off the phone and I can understand that, but it’s difficult to resist the temptation to try and talk to another human being. When I first started typing this comment I wanted to give the impression that, although I’m hurting beyond description, I’m coping, but the truth is I’m definitely not and have begun questioning the sense of my life. I’m sorry I’ve started to cry and can’t finish this.

    • Doug, I am so sorry for your pain and loneliness – I know very well what it is like for the phone not to ring for weeks on end. Did you join the forum? We have a reasonably active chat room that has the same people pop in for a chat every day. It isn’t the same as someone on the phone or going out for dinner, but it is a start and people are genuinely friendly and understand what it is like to be lonely. Come talk to us and maybe we can help you figure out how to build up human contact in your real life as well.

    • Doug, you touched me. Life is so hard and why does a “loving” God allow so much pain. I also question the sense of my life. I find no answers.

    • Doug I just read your comment. I feel so sad for you and myself. I know how you feel, I do the same thing on the phone. I have not ever been in your position, but I VERY MUCH understand loneliness!!! I to have no friends because of something I could have went to jail for, someone was watching over me. In the end I lost everthing else. Hope your still hanging in there. Listen to the kind ladyand join the chat room. I might join myself. Wishing you the VERY BEST!!!!!!

    • Doug I feel for your pain. I too never speak or go out.It is tough. No love, no life, no hope – just a yawning emptiness. Mine is my own fault – bad choices. Introversion does not help. No family. No hope. Love dead – no inclination to carry on…

  • I live on my own, work on my own, eat, sleep and drink on my own. Don’t have a single friend. My own mother doesn’t talk to me. I just can’t see the point of being here anymore. I have had enough of the loneliness, I haven’t had a phone call from anyone in two years. Basically I have been forgotten about. I’m not a millionaire, but I’m very comfortable financially and can do/have anything and go anywhere I want. I can guarantee that they will all come crawling out of the woodwork when I’m gone trying to get as much of my estate as they can but it’s all being left to the local dog shelter. I’m just waiting to make sure everything is in place before I depart this world and find out if the next one is any better.

    • Jason,
      Reading what you wrote was like reading my own mind right down to my final wish leaving all of my assets to a local animal shelter. Really all I’m wanting to do is make a good difference in this world, but it seems the only way is by my death. The money doesn’t make us happy, but affords us to hide away where we can’t hurt; or, be judged and hurt. We have money, why can’t we do good for the animals while living? Having come from a violent and dis functional family, I have lost my father and my only two young sisters to addiction and suicide and have had no relationship with my mother since she left when I was 9yo. My father and sisters are no longer suffering, yet I am sad they are not here. Why? They weren’t happy and I couldn’t change that. The one constant friend and love in my life, my black lab passed away the day after my father. I think I’m miserable because none of our lives turned out how I dreamed. So maybe it’s time to just let go and let God. Thank you for your post nod allowing me this space to open up. Bless us oh Lord, one and all.

    • Jason. Are you a dog lover? I had one dog and we were both lonely so I decided to get another dog to keep my dog, Sara from being lonely. It worked and as a result I am not nearly as lonely. I didn’t expect getting Hallie would be so good for my health. I live on several acres in the Mojave desert, that are fenced and watching the dogs run and play gives me a lot of joy.

    • I read your post and can understand how you feel I think dogs are the best unconditional love give me a dog any day.

      Are you a young person. I am in my 60’s

  • Jason, I think I know how you feel. I feel used. I am used. Loneliness is worse than anything I’ve experienced. Days, months, years, go by and nothing really changes. God knows I have tried everything. I’m with you. The sooner I’m out of here (planet earth) the better.

    • I hate loneliness. It makes you feel jealous over everyone, why is it easy for them but not for me. why am I the only one that feel like I want to die. why is everyone so cheerful with what they have, what’s their secret, no tragedy. I hate myself. I hate being alone.

  • Jason I know too exactly how you feel. Last November I committed a crime and was arrested. I know it is my fault. But so many years of my friends have been shocked that 99% of them have disowned me. I feel totally alone and have my cat only for company. I stay indoors for fear of meeting someone who has rejected me. I pass my time reading watching TV but miss the human contact. There must be millions like us

  • I get really lonely. I’m stuck inside my head a lot – I overthink everything to a pathological level. I have friends but not ones I can just say “hey let’s hang out” with. They tend to be people I meet up with sporadically or just chat to. I live in a fairly isolated area and am also a recovering alcoholic so I can’t go out drinking and clubbing – not that I have the money for that anyway. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship and I’ve made some connections there which is good.

  • I am in my 50’s, have Asperger’s, and have had two serious physical illnesses (cancer and an aneurysm). Like everyone else on here, I feel so lonely all the time and am waiting each day for my life to end. I feel that my illnesses were brought on by loneliness and anxiety. My family has passed on and although I have some friends, this does not take away the deep ache of not belonging to anyone, of not having family. It is exhausting to deal with every single thing alone, to have no one who will ‘take over’ at very rough times, to have no one to rely on or to really turn to. My friends have their own problems and can’t give the care or support which family would give. I ask God regularly why He won’t take me home as I would then be with family again and there is no one here who would be left devastated by my passing.

  • Being in groups accentuates my loneliness. I feel far far more lonely out where there are people in groups. I have tried joining things like chirch , taking classes, volunteering etc. People might be friendly initially but it never goes past acquaintance. I have tried my whole life. Now i am just tired.

    • I keep praying the same prayer. There are people who care about me in some fashion and I hate myself for feeling this way. But it seems impossible to make any kind of emotionally intimate connection. I have tried and tried and now I am just tired. I don’t know how to unlearn all the things I do to push people away without people to help me. I am praying continually. It is all I have.

  • Most people are completely oblivious to the depth of pain born from loneliness. Perpetual loneliness and despair will drive you mad. The pain will eventually become numbing and you’ll find that you only know true pain when you can no longer feel anything. You’ll understand that shallow pain is actually an improvement. You want pain, because you can no longer feel anything. Suddenly you crave that which everybody else abhore.

    It’s like being suspended in a vacuum. You’re all alone. Your body screams for physical and emotional intimacy. You can’t breath. You can’t move. No one can hear you scream. All the subsequent pain, despair and rage are internalized, since there’s no where else for it to go. It starts to corrode you from the inside, eating you alive.

    Only in a world of abundance can poverty truly thrive.

  • I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve tried all the steps outlined and followed and went down all the suggested paths to combat this, but it has proven to be disastrous. Disastrous because if those are the avenues that are supposed to lead me out of this funk and it hasn’t worked, now what??? I’ve done so much for others and have been taken advantaged of or it seems to be a trifle. I am not afraid of dying and wish that it would come quickly. Loneliness is a long and painful path to death. I don’t care what happens to my worldly possessions because it doesn’t matter.

  • Im 39 and have lived I life of rejection and neglect particularly in the romance,affection,intimacy areas. Then in 2011 I met the one that changed everything. The love of my life. She is without question everything I had dreamed of as perfect ever since I was 10. For 5 years every day with her has been healing and has made me whole
    She has inspired me and there is no one that has ever actually made me feel not alone,important,and loved.

    I have grown and matured and I truly know now the joy of making someone else happy and smile. She is my reason and we chose to spend the rest of our lives together. We do everything together.. then one day she left ..and ever since I’ve been in torment and everything is alone. I have no one I’m not good at making new friends and as far as a new partner forget it I am only popular with the older chicks and not that they are not wonderful people but they don’t have to offer that which I need in a partner. And I’m not gross or anything but for some reason unknown to me the women that are in my scope are just not having anything to do with me.

    My ex is the same kind of alien as I am and she left me to die alone. Now I can’t even find a nice girl intelligent girl to go for bike rides,swimming,or even walk with me. Let alone all the other special yet simple things that are vitally Important to my happiness. It has been said that. ” Happiness is not really happiness until it is shared”. No one ever wanted to share the happiness with me before Heather and since she left not a soul has ever wanted to. So now I weep and pray that someone finds that there is something worth loving and holding about me before the end of my life which can’t come soon enough if my life is with no one by my side. In closing I will ask Will someone in this world please tell Heather (edited-full name removed by editorial staff) to come home and save me once again from this darkness? My time is running out. And who ever else would like to go for a bike ride me please do. I will make you dinner on the fire and we can enjoy the rest of the summertime TOGETHER.

    HELP!!!

  • The problem with well-meaning advice like this is that many of us simply do not feel able to take these steps. We have no great interest in anything. We are socially inept, shy or anxious. We were probably disliked and bullied when young. We do not share the interests and concerns of most people, and so people don’t like us. These are often the very traits that have resulted in us being alone in the first place. And we understand that we only have ourselves to blame for this. We are basically inadequate people with rubbish personalities, and some of us recognise that and thus see that there are no real fixes for the situation. So rather inevitably we either just… exist, often comforted by alcohol or other “unhealthy” habits, or else we become suicidal. When you do not like yourself or your existence, ending it is simply a logical option.

    • Some might consider that when unhappy with yourself or your situation reading, talking, learning, and finding ways to change either the things you dislike about yourself or the situation would be the “logical option” once you get through the mask of pain and anger brought upon by the situation….It is easier to say that you cannot , but when it comes to most things it is far more about choose to or not than able to or not…

    • I agree with you. I only have myself to blame. I’m disliked everywhere I go. Nobody wants me around. I don’t want me around. After struggling 20 years with loneliness, I’ve lost hope that things will get better. Unless a miracle happens and changes my personality. There’s no logical reason for prolonging my misery.

  • I feel the same way, I have crippling ocd/tics which is resistant to drugs and cbt; I have many chronic health issues and no transport or money to get out. I am nearly 50, no family or friends never had children or married. I go out when I can, am in groups but no one wants to befriend each other outside these groups; I tried. Its not as simple as just getting out there and joining stuff.

  • Wow, I’ve seen myself reflected in every comment here. The one thing that I have always wanted was a real relationship. I was in love once, but the person is a sociopath and the relationship was extremely abusive, but I still think about him constantly. I am close to my father who is four states away, but once he is gone, I will have no one. All that keeps me alive is my daughter, she has saved my life. I’ve also noticed that most people in the comments are men. Men comprise 80% OF SUICIDES yearly. Male privilege my ass!

  • I think of my loneliness and depression as an addiction I have to face every day. The black thoughts start, and I start the routines of changing focus, distracting, moving. Every day, day after day. When I let myself go too far and get really sad and isolated, it’s even harder to crawl up out of the hole. Even harder to connect.

    It helps to know that it’s mostly chemical. Yes, there are real life reasons at I’m lonely and depressed, but that feeling of being crushed by it… That’s some chemical in my brain that keeps firing.

    I get soooo exhausted by the fight. I wouldn’t last another minute if I didn’t have 2 kids. I just can’t do that to them. But it gets scary as they get older and more independent, and the black thoughts ask if they’re okay without me know. And I have to fight back, and remind myself that they would NOT be okay anymore if I succumbed.

    This world is hard. Cruel. We’re not all equipped to thrive in such harsh conditions. I wish we could create some pockets where it’s easier… Easier to be with people, easier to live. Sending some love out to all of you in the meanwhile.

  • I believe it is loneliness which has destroyed my life. Over the last few years I have found new ways of connecting with people, and have made some wonderful friends. But friends won’t hold me at night when I’m alone in bed, or fight my corner when I am being intimidated by the neigbours from Hell. A life without a loving partner feels like a living Hell. I believe that there are some environments which are harder to be alone in. I grew up in a large city, and am still here. Find it very hard to feel safe or secure here, and wish I could just walk out of my life, but I don’t know where to go.

    • Do you want to go with me to go out of your life? I am planning to go somewhere as I cannot live in this big city anymore, everything is just too pointless to live in. I am lonely. I want friends, I like to have friends. But not everyone wants to be friends with someone that they don’t even know. If people just put a sign in their self, I am lonely come here talk to me. I will put that sign. I don’t want to be alone. Without having any partner to spend the rest of my life, I would prefer not to have the rest of my life. I want to go now.

  • I honesty feel like people just naturally don’t like me, so I cut myself off from people cause I know there going to reject always. I’m 19 years old going to college and all I do is lock myself in my room all day. I swear I hate living because I see everyone around me so happy but I can’t find happiness because I’m so introverted. I’m really considering taking my own life because I feel like I’m all alone in this world and no one will ever care for me….

  • So what happens when your whole family has passed and you have pushed all your friends away in your depression until they are gone…. Loneliness will kill me. I wonder if anyone here truly is alone… Trust me you aren’t becuase I know what it feels like. No friends no kids no family no significant other.

    • I am truly alone. I have an aunt but she doesnt like me. My mom left me when i was 9 for a drug addicted alcoholic. My grandma the only person i think ever truly cared for me passed away. I dont have any friends only people who want something from me. I was married for a while but she dipped too and im still not sure exactly why. That was 10 years ago. If it wasnt for my dog i would kill myself right now. So i guess im not completely alone. Even though he would probably be better off with someone else. I dont even want friends anymore. People are all 2 faced and shitty and only want to be friends with you when you got something they need.

  • My thoughts go out to everyone here…I’ve read each and every post, and it’s simultaneously heartbreaking and consoling to know my depression and loneliness isn’t constrained just to me. I’ve lived in utter spiritual paralysis for over half my life, and it doesn’t look like things will get better. It’s actually gotten worse year after year.

    I grew up a sick child and in an abusive household. My mom was an alcoholic and my dad was psychotic. My childhood damage has carried me into adulthood, and these days I’ve lost every ounce of desire to live. When I turned 18 I joined the Marines and during my time I went to Iraq. I myself became an alcoholic and diagnosed with PTSD, but I believe it already existed in me from my childhood traumas. Afterward I couldn’t care to live, had odd jobs, and even did a stint with an elite fire unit…but my damaged soul wouldn’t allow me to maintain that job status. The only thing that saved me during these intense years was my dog, but he past away a couple of years ago.

    Now I am 34, no job, no money, car about to get repossessed, no gf, no dog, no friends, no future… I am on the brink of homelessness and it scares me. I used to be a God-fearing man but after witnessing so much unrelenting darkness for so many years, it’s hard to believe in any kind of faith. I was once a proud, headstrong, positive young man even with my baggage, but now I’m just a salty, unwanted cretin living in shame and contempt.

    I did everything in my power for years and years to get better, and chase that light at the end of the tunnel. But that light just grows dimmer and dimmer, and that tunnel seems infinite.

    I just don’t understand what I did wrong in life to justify this existence. I was always compassionate towards fellow man, a steward to the earth, to animals, I always gave my time and sympathy to those in need. What did I do wrong? What did I do so wrong to earn this potent toxic life?? It’s so baffling to me. My condition has destroyed every part of my being and I have no words.

  • I am 25, and I am asking God to take me away anytime soon everyday. I had the best time of my life living with my ex boyfriend in Europe 4 months ago, but after that I need to come back to my 3rd world country in Asia, living in a very chaotic city mostly by myself as I don’t have many friends here. I see no point in living anymore as I have felt the best way of living life already, and what’s the point for me to continue if I keep being jealous over fundamental things that I cannot change. I am jealous of everyone in Europe, I want to live there but I cannot. I am jealous over my ex boyfriend as he can accept the situation and continue living a comfortable life in his city without me, and here I am struggling everyday asking myself why was I born here, why was I born anyway. I cannot be with someone here, as I am out of the typical girl people are looking for. This idea that I need to continue my mediocre life after I tasted the best, it’s killing me literally everyday. I will not kill myself as I am too scared to do it, but I will not be mad if God is taking me now.

    The idea that you have to work everyday to prepare for your future, a future that I don’t even like to live it here. It’s best if I can know when will I die and I will spend all of my money that I have enjoying life before I go. But it’s depressing for me with the breakup, and the jealousy over something fundamental why I was born a girl with so many feelings, why am I so weak, why I am not good enough to be in Europe, why I was not even born in a place that I like. It sound childish but what’s the point of living if you know the best part of your life has already finished.

    • I am lonely, so lonely. I want to have new friends, I want to have people that can understand what is it like to feel unworthy, unwanted, and nothing. I want to die but I don’t know how. I am scared to die with the afterlife and everything. I want the past, but I cannot have it. Let me die now so what I have is my past, I don’t want this future. It’s useless this mediocre future.

  • You know the feeling that everything, everyone and even your self is fake, that all you see on people face isnt face at all but just masks and all they really want is to benefit themself? i know im might being a bit too exaggerated to you but to me, this is my world and ive live in it for 10 years now.

  • Why do you have a fake comments section? I’ve put in several comments in various forms saying the same thing everyone says of wanting to die but you delete mine.. You know what that makes you, right?!

    • If your comments contain graphic/specific methods/dates/ or are a suicide notes/ real names / etc then they are deleted. There are hundreds of comments on here- if your other comments were deleted they fell into the above category or contained spam links.

  • It all started in 2011.I fell in love with a guy who I thought to be the love of my life. I was so happy and I loved him with all my heart and soul.But I was wrong ,soon I realized that it was all a facade. He was a very good actor. He used me and dropped me like he has no use of me.I was devastated .I went into severe depression and anxiety.I have been to many doctors but nothing helped . Then I lost my father in 2014 . He was very close to me. I was lost completely and still am.My 2 cats died right after my dad. I have no friends .No social support.No family except mom.Nothing. I am still alive because of my mother. When she leaves this Earth I’ll leave too I promise.Depression is slowly killing me from inside. I am lonely , sad and always thinking of ending my life. Due to anxiety and depression I ve developed a few other medical conditions .I ve lost faith in God coz he punishes people who have done nothing wrong.and rewards wrong people.My ex is living a happy life with his newly married wife. My life is nothing , I wish I was dead or never born. I wish I die soon. Go to bed and never wake up. Sorry for my English as my eyes are blurry with tears and my hands are shaky. My heart goes out to all of you suffering from inside like me. Take care U all.

  • I’m new here and this is the first time I tried to mingle with this forum. I was born in a small city with lack of mental health treatment. I mean, there are few hospitals and doctors who are supposed to be capable to handle “mental health” but I personally think that people here do not really care about mental health.
    So,

    enough about the background.

    I came across here as I was feeling so hopeless and lonely. One thing that I can be sure about is that no one is actually care: my parents, my brother and people who are supposed to be called as “friend”? Can people really be friend when they are not even bother to know how you feel? I tried to open up with them as it was the only way to be understood, right? To say how you feel. But then, the only thing I got was rejection and get left. So, I locked myself in my room and tried my best to avoid the world outside. The thing is, I don’t really know about how to deliver the message of what I’m trying to say. I have no one to blame but me, for turning myself into a sad person. If only I can just runaway from all of this and never look back.

    Even writing on this forum feels like standing in front of the class to present something and it gives me panic attack instantly. I do think that I need help but as I already mentioned before, people at my place do not really care about “mental health”. And for some reason, the voices in my head said that what I’m dealing with right now is just stupid and I’m struggling with it.

    Anyway, sending all my love to you guys. I know we don’t know or even see each other but still my pray will be with you.

  • I have always been alone. I have not once ever felt the love of someone else. I’m at a point in my life we’re I’m a shell of my former self – I used bounce back and say everything is going to be alright… But now the loniliness is winning and is too great to bear anymore. People who say that are my friends and will be there, aren’t. I’ve never felt so alone. It’s like have a pit of emptiness, that can’t be filled. I’m accepting the terms of my reality, I will forever be alone and die alone.

  • Hello all of you I have been through what you have that horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach with a terrible heartache I can only describe as yearning for a life a better life a happier life I even began to meditate manifest it and even seen a fortune teller I was so close to death I was scared that it came to this I too was envious/jealous quite wicked at times to see everyone move on while I was in cement there was nothing that I could do about it about it and that scared me even more than death. The crunch came though when I was sat in a bar wishing that I was dead and a spirit passed through my body as if to take me with it I thought I had died and found it to be exciting but I was still sat there from that moment on I made a few little changes only small ones but I did I now feel in a better place mentally though I will never forget the torment the anguish and the total unfairness of loneliness and how it makes you feel I too felt like that was it for me but it isn’t not for every single one of you no matter how bad you feel you have to find something to cling to it is there I promise please contact me if I can help in any way I lost my job my love my existence due to mental health so I know how it feels and mental health is only due to loneliness if that was solved we would no longer have as many issues regarding mentail health sorry about my poor grammer I had a stroke many years ago Peggy

  • I cannot tell you the pain I feel right now…

    I’m in a loveless marriage to a man who thinks of himself only. He only gets close when he wants s3x. He blames me for everything wrong..my only daughter is 12 y.o and growing really selfish too I love her alot but she’s rude to me.
    I have my mum and I know she loves me and cares but she’s 66 and has health issues so I know she won’t be around forever and that hurts my soul so much . When she’s gone I will be suicidal. Even more than now.

    I had a much older friend a best friend a few yrs ago and I really thought she LOVED me back like a sister but it turns out she was just using me for money and favours I spent hundreds on her and at the end she just quit calling and spending time with me. I tried to call but she never answered and now I see her with a new lot of friends. That hurts. I feel used, worthless, ugly, old and forgotten about. Like I’m nothing. I have been getting suicidal thoughts lately and that’s never been like me. I’m losing who I am …

  • I can relate to every single comment on here. I’m 20 years old living by myself with my dog (whom I love more than people). I’ve always been an extrovert, had many friends, but my mother overdosed a year ago and life just hasn’t been the same since. I was diagnosed with insomnia anxiety after her passing and the doctors of course prescribed me Xanax. I hate that doctor for ruining my brain. I too thought that drugs were a coping way when she passed and started doing them but was strong willed and made sure that I didn’t end like her and completely quit. Now all I think about is why the roles weren’t switched. My friends have all used me for money, and I’ve noticed lately that I only am included in things when they needed something. Ever since I lost my job, those friends never come around anymore. I’ve lost myself. I’ve taken all the steps. I’ve started to call relatives more but I just can’t seem to regain who I am. I went out with a few old friends and in the middle of dinner made an excuse to leave just because it was exhausting trying to converse with them in fear if I told them about my life and what I’m going through they wouldn’t understand. I have ulcerative colitis which also makes me pretty exhausted anyway. I’m not healthy, I’m not happy, and I’m so young. I wake up every morning crying because I just want to fall back to sleep and not wake. What have I done to deserve this type of loneliness? Why does it feel like I can’t go on and can’t seem to get myself out of this fog. I love myself and all I want is for myself to become a better human being, but I feel like I’ve lost all faith in humanity.

    • You love yourself, you love your dog more than people, and have lost all faith in humanity- yet it is your friends that are doing something to you and not the way you are reacting to your mothers death that is the issue? You leave in the middle of dinner and wonder why people do not seem to want to hang out with you?

      You are suffering from depression and grief. I am unsure why it was anxiety meds that were prescribed except that your statement of anxiety insomnia, but your “other drugs” are far more likely to have messed up your brain than a few legal xanax if taken as prescribed. Insomnia and that horrible feeling in your chest is common part of grieving- particularly when you are the survivor after an overdose or suicide overdose – people have no clue how horrible and long lasting the pain is when a loved one loses there life to something as senseless as suicide or drug overdose – things that the reasons for are so common and should be easily dealt with but instead are overlooked and ignored by society. You have not grieved and gone through the stages of grief in order to resume your life and while it is mildly possible medication could alleviate some symptoms, mental health medications are not intended to be a cure- their purpose is to just make the symptoms bearable- and the real healing done inside or with the help of a counselor. After a year it is safe to say that “by yourself” is not working so getting some help form a counselor or support group would probably work better. A real life support group for survivors or drug issues for family members would not only help you understand what is going on in your mind but also give you real life peopel and social activity with people you can talk to and that understand you. The forum here allows you to chat with people, many of whom are dealing with bereavement as well.

      It is very hard to just resume with/ pick up your old life again when it feels like everything in it has changed- but the key to it is to actually understand everything else did not change- it is you that have changed- but you can feel better and can work through this if you let yourself or find people that understand to talk to about it.

  • Well the way that i look at it is that when you Don’t have a loved one to share your life with which it really Can be very depressing, especially when all your friends are settled down and you’re still Not.

  • To say that I feel alone is an understatement. I have spent my entire life alone. I have never had any friends. I have never had any relationships. I was bullied and picked on my entire life. I’m now 32 and still live at home, because of poor health, with family that I feel and have no connection with. When i go out, it’s always by myself, and when I’m out, all I see are people hanging out with their friends or significant other. Meanwhile I have nothing, and seeing that makes me feel even worse about myself. I have no self-esteem. The thoughts and attempts of suicide are greatly increasing every day. I just want all of this to end. There is no hope, I HAVE NO HOPE!!!!!!!!

    • Hi Wally
      Your post touched me deeply and I can relate, just wanted to drop you a line to see how you’re doing now. I am too quite alone in the world I have poor social skills and suffer with depression.

  • I’ve always been and felt alone. I’ve spent most of my life trying to love others, be accepted by others, and make friends. I’m now a 26year old teacher who lives alone and does everything alone. I’ve learned that despite what you have, the absence of love and feeling unwanted is what has made me the most unhappy. One day it will be all over. I just want to make it to 27 and…that’s it.

  • I am so lonely. My parents are dead. I have no family and no real friends. If I could die tonight that would be good because I can’t see this getting any better. It hurts so much and I am tired of it. I can’t do this anymore.

  • I am 32 … Lonely and sad completely LOST. Have lost every person close to me. No genuine friends , all of them turned their back on me. My relatives are selfish and evil .I only have my mother. She loves me to death but I know it wont last longer.I know oneday she will die too and leave me with this living Hell known as Life .Screw it. I love animals & take care of stray animals. But I know one day they will die too. I am waiting for my death Each day but I think its not coming any time sooner…I hate myself..I hate mylife.. I was a loser in the department of finding love.. Some people are just born LOSERS , UNLUCKY and CURSED and I am one of them. I pray to GOD to keep my mum healthy and happy but I know he is not gonna listen cuz there is no GOD..He is probably dead too. He listens to bad and Evil people..Screw him too. I cant live like this any more.. Its like fighting with your ownself each and everyday.. It hurts like HELL. I cant take it anymore. : ( ..-_-

  • I’m so lonely like the rest of you. I had a career ending injury in June. Had surgery in July and now I’ve fallen into a deep depression. I don’t see the point of going on with life. I’m 57 have no friends, not close to my family. I don’t want to start all over. And I know that with my history of depression a relapse is inevitable. So what’s the point.

  • For the past 33 years, I’ve been married, with two wonderful sons, one of who just married a terrific young woman. My sons are happy and successful. Mission accomplished. My wife, sister, parents, and others have told me I was the best father they ever knew. My wife said the same about me as a husband. The exception was my wife’s father who openly hates Jews (which I am), and was not subtle in letting me and my wife know about it, as well as my children. He always showed contempt for me. My wife wouldn’t break away from him, and I withstood his insults and aggression. Six years ago, I was diagnosed with a rare bone marrow cancer, and everything changed. My wife became cold and aloof, and 17 months ago, filed for divorce. She keeps refusing to divide property because she expects me to die before she does. I’m 70, still working, but it’s hard to get thru the day. My life expectancy is 2 – 5 more years. The idea of disintegrating, alone, or being a burden on my kids makes no sense. Neither does stigmatizing them by having a father who committed suicide. I’m between a rock and a hard place. My oncologist does not believe in suicide. I don’t think I deserve to be in hell, which is where I am. What would you do?

  • Whats the point of living when all your dreams are shattered.. I am in a situation where I will not be able to start from the scratch .I dont have the time and I am exhausted fighting within myself.. I just want to sleep and never wake up . Even my tears are dried up. I feel like a desert. I hope my life ends soon because I dont want to live anymore its not worth it. And yes there is no God to listen to your pain. I have prayed to him for the last 6 years but there is no help from his side. I just want this pain to END. Much love to all ..

  • My story happened in 2009. I thought I was a very strong minded person. I was wrong. Had a home, wife, two kids, great job. Then it came crashing down. Wife’s boyfriend finally introduced himself. Ex was having an affair. Not only that, he told me my two kiddos weren’t mine. Did the DNA testing and found out it was true. Never felt that kind of pain before and never experienced anything as painful as that ever again.

    Tried to reconcile. Gave all my love to the kiddos. Later, the wife decided she didn’t want to try and left while I was at work. Ransacked the house and took the kids. I couldn’t really fight for them as they weren’t biologically mine.

    Ended up losing the house, filed for bankruptcy and now just renting. I tried to have a life again but people can smell a damaged soul. So I’m alone. I work and sleep and go through life because I have no other option.

    Some days when I wake up I whimper. I thought I was a manly man but obviously I’m not. I whimper and sob because I woke up again to face another day. My soul has given up. My body just doesn’t want to follow yet. That’s my life. I cope and I’m jaded now. The silence at home is sometimes deafening if that make any sense. I’m what’s left over after a tragic life event. I have no hatred of the now ex. I just want some peace. That’s all.

  • Hi eveyone. I am new to this forum. Glad I found this. I can relate so much with eveyone here. I am frustrated and depressed. The ones I cared more than my life kicked me out of their lives as if I never existed. When they needed me I was always there now they complain that I was there because I didn’t had anything else to do. They insult me everyday. I tried several attempts to kill myself but eveytime, its bad luck…I failed. I feel lonely and out of depression when I cry they say its dram. I have no friends, no one to support. Everyone wants me to die as if that would relieve them of all problems. They make me realize eveytime that its my fault and I deserve to be treated badly. I have lost meaning of life long back and wish I were dead. I try to be strong around people and at office but am dead already from inside. I wish God would take back my life.

    • Hi I lost my partner to mouth agow to cancer she was 51
      We had been together for 29 years . I feel very lonely sad and depressed .it seems like i no real friends people who we have helped out don’t won’t to know eney more.i think of suiside a lot of the time. I have a bit of family left even thay don’t give a shit. It’s at times like this you relies how people are so selfish

  • I too am struggling with my inner demons. Going through a divorce right now in my life after being married for 12 years in an emotional abusive relationship. I have a 12year old daughter that wants absolutely nothing to do with me and four adopted special needs kids that absolutely adore me. These past few months haven’t been easy to deal with. Dealing with depression, loneliness, not feeling good enough or validated at times. But thank God for my two brothers, my sister in law, my nieces and nephews,
    my sister and brother in law, my mom, my grandmother, and my aunt and uncle. Having family in my corner for support has helped me by them not telling me “I told you so”, and given me the strength to move forward. I still have my days, in fact, today was one of them. Each day I’m learning to not give up and to have that constant reminder to not listen to the voice in my head that says I’m not good enough. Nonsense!! I may be down but not out.

  • I am struggling to even cop in life these days. I am always alone, unwanted, no1 cares about me not even people i considered to be “friends”
    as i am 25 years old and i am still living with parents (unfortunatly) i also lost my license for 6 months and that has put a hold on my social life too as apparently i have to have a car and a livense to have friends in my life which i reckon is a load of crap there is public transport and yet i am still unwanted, nobody wants to even come over and see me, invite me out anywhere.
    find it very hard with applying for houses to rent, everytime i do all my applications get rejected.

    i may still live with my parents but even they have lost all care in the world for me, i am always stuck in my bedroom everyday, relying on them to drive me places until i get my license back and i can legally drive myself anywhere and everywhere.

    it is all getting to me so bad, i cant even use social media anymore especially snapchat without feeling depressed, sad, annoyed, angry. just makes me feel really unwanted when those people who say they are my friends are always uploading pictures and videos of them out drinking having fun and im alone at home unwanted and unloved.
    ready to just end it all

  • I am in my 60’s and am very lonely. I live in an isolated city Perth W Australia anyone from here? I could do with a genuine friend, a friend once said to me “true friends are like diamonds precious and rare, acquaintances can be found everywhere”, I have known for the past few years since being divorced what she means, with a partner you have company and make plans for weekends etc, on your own its so much harder, the things a partner does makes life so much easier its too hard alone.

  • Omg, most of you guys describe my everyday life to a T. I am now 28, with a good career, from very childhood I wanted to earn lots of money and never really focused on my social life. Now I am grown and successful, making over 100K per year… But no real friends, no Gf, no plans, no fun, nothing is going on in my life, my life is meaningless, dull, boring, I can go on for hours. I wish I could go back in time and stay Connected with the friends I had in high school. Once I had a great time I had fun, lots of fun, friends, girlfriends, trips around the world, partying and all of that happiness that comes with socializing. Unfortunately, I chose the money over friends and now I am paying for it. I now realize that money does not make you happy, most of my colleagues are in the same boat. We live in this measurable world where everything is based on how much money you make, what kind of car you drive, brand you wear, and other pathetic bs. Chasing the money dream makes us isolated, busy, and eventually lonely in our own pity worlds. Fortunately for me I know a way out and urge u guys not to give up hope. You are not alone in this stupid reality.

  • I think we live in a world where the majority of “the happy people” are living in delusion. They can function and seem to have what we need but are either blissfully unaware of the falseness, or are very aware and are actively playing the game for their benefit. We can offer something real, but I feel that scares or puts those people off meaningful contact. We could learn to be false, to act out a persona that would fit into a defined group in society, but I’m not a liar.

    Personally I’d prefer to die alone and independent than live a false life.

    Being isolated and rejected for many years (after decades of abusive one sided relationships) allows you to witness the stages of change within yourself and also identify traits within those people. We certainly live within an upgradeable society (driven by a consumerism, demand manipulated by industry and the media). This has damaged society and relationships in the long run for short term profit. People dispose of and treat others without care, because they fear being truly known themselves. They don’t care, they just upgrade people like they do with their mobile phones.

    I was aware a few years ago that a state of disillusionment would catch up with me. A realisation that the world we now live in (or at least the values within the western world) has very little to offer.

    Depression can be addressed and can be managed to a degree. Disillusionment is an absolute.

    Try and avoid the false (the many). Real people need to bump into each other more often (the few).

    How, I don’t know.

    • Well said Nick.

      Nice to see there are like minded. I do feel lonely but resist people that just hang together because they know no better.. The world became a big soap and I just do not want to play my role. I do not want to watch. I go out and hear peoples conversations about shit they bought or see them take pictures of their 6 dollar coffee payed by their parents. The world is going down.. and all I can do is fucking watch between the commercials. Generation X this is the price we pay. Anonymous is selling t-shirts and stickers.. Mike Judge’s Idiocracy became real. If anyone has an idea to make people like us spot each other in the streets we would probb have so much to talk about non of us would ever be lonely again. I think we are mainly hiding from that horrible crowd of brainless consumers. oh and Fuck FB and any form of social media. it is the fucking worst invention ever made. there is really nothing social about it .. it creates false ego’s and sucks the joy out of everyone. I sit in a bar and see 5 people in a circle staring at their phone. then take group selfies and faking smiles and posting that.. the horror. I do not want to make friends with people like that. I just want some real friends. what a fucking dilemma 🙂

  • lonliness makes me feel lower and lower everyday… im tired of this life on earth…. i feel like im in a life sentence of pain and sufferring… im a lost soul on this earth.. its not for me… i cant wait til the next dimension

    • I definitely understand you. Im so lonely. No one wants to help. I cant even meet anyone single. I keep getting bad luck of meeting married men or men in relationships and i have to find out later how dumb I’ve been for someone else guy. I never get chosen. I’m 35 and have never had a relationship more than six months. I already tried to kill myself two years ago but i survived. Everyday i wish i was dead. I hate being lonely. I want real friendships and a real relationship. I don’t know what to do. Ive been going through this for the last five years but the last two have been the worst. It don’t matter what i do, the feeling never goes away. I just want to be committed to a psych ward so that i can get help. None of the depression medicine works. I have no one to talk to. They think they know how to make me better but all i want is one good guy and one good friend who wont judge me.

  • Has anyone else here seen those websites that encourage people to commit suicide because they’re “rejects” or some other purposely incendiary reason the site owner uses to garner attention? Those websites and their articles are easy to ignore. It’s obvious the people who create and update them just want attention so write scandalous things.

    What concerns me more are the articles like this one that on the surface appear benign–like the author cares–and more, has promised a solution to what research confirms can be a deadly problem. Then the article is followed up with “solutions” any lonely or depressed person has tried for years, even decades: go to church; join a club; link up with others online…

    Oh my god. My first therapist in college suggested that crap. I tried it. Over and over and over again. It never worked because I’m not the sort of person people want to be around. And it’s not because I’m “negative.” I’m a very positive person at work, have gotten multiple promotions and now lead a national team. I’m constantly complimented on my people skills. And yet, after every event, large or small, everyone ELSE gathers in small groups to make plans to socialize.

    And I’m not “nervous” or “self-conscious.” I’m very comfortable asking others out. I’m constantly trying to get people together for pot-lucks, sporting events at my home, movie nights, events around town… I love it when people say, “Oh, I’m sorry, but I’m sick/incapacitated…” and then I see on THE VERY SAME SOCIAL MEDIA SITE they just turned me down on that they’re making plans with others for a night out.

    The bottom line is that people are free to associate with whom we want personally. Whether it’s looks, age, race, body image, wealth… there are many reasons people close others out of their community. And some people, unfortunately, like a patient who gets sick and then with a compromised immune system catches a lot of other bugs, getting even sicker, some people just have a lot of undesirable characteristics–not due to anything they’re doing. You can’t stop being transgender, Jewish, short, (facially) unattractive… If you’re those things, it’s likely to be a lot harder for you to attract friends than otherwise.

    At our university we recently published results from a study on the intersection of race and gender-identity. I’m a typical straight white person, but I was deeply surprised to learn that many minority communities are extremely homophobic and the gay community is extremely racist. Of course, both communities deny this, but the evidence is to the contrary. Soooo, minority gays experience dual alienation, which manifests in their lifestyle choices (drugs, promiscuity…) as they attempt both to piece together community where they can and to escape the pain of constant rejection and alienation.

    The point is, for these groups and others, joining a church, or getting out there won’t cut it. And if they’re also alienated within their own “group” (transgender, say), they’ve got nowhere to turn. And the therapy (online, phone, at the university) outlets are few, overworked, and ineffective at addressing the simple need these people have–sincere, constructive connection. Why? Because therapy can’t make other people accept, let alone befriend, you.

    So not only do articles like the present one not provide the solutions they promise, but worse, they make people who’ve already tried the articles’ suggestions time and time again without any change in their circumstances feel hopeless. And we all know where chronic hopelessness leads.

    Yes, suicide will continue to be a valid option to those who’re suffering and who’ve been suffering for a very long time despite trying earnestly to get help.

    • So you are one of the people that pretend to care and then in the end tell peopel actually suicide is a valid/possibly their only option? Sot of like the troll sites you are referring to? Because the article offers suggestions similar to the ones professionals you see in person have recommended? And clearly there MUST be something about you that you have no control of that is the problem – because you do everything right and perfect and yet still are lonely?

      In the end you lose all credibility, in the middle you discuss situations thta do not apply to you in any way as evidence that it is impossible and to suggest to others not you that there situation is hopeless- and in the beginning you try to make it appear like you have something valid to say but claim the article is bad because it is the same as professional counselors told you?

      I really recommend you go back and instead of argue the points with counselors and dispute the points of articles you try to apply the parts that might apply to your life. Not all parts apply to everybody – obviously every person is unique- but if you are trying to convince others that some peopel are just intrinsically doomed to be lonely “because” I might suggest you stop trying to convince yourself it is okay to give up and put as much effort into trying to actually live….

      • Way to encourage someone who’s already suicidal. This Tom guy is sharing his opinion about suicide websites and about suicide in general. Tell me why suicide is an option? I think you’ll have to rely on your opinions or the opinions of others, not proof of some medical condition that shows if someone is suicidal there’s something gravely wrong with their brain that caused them to be suicidal. There are eminent psychiatrists who argue similarly. But YOU are attacking someone directly for stating this. And especially in this environment, that should be absolutely unacceptable. Make your argument. Don’t attack people. This is just the kind of interaction so many of us find both common and unbearable. I don’t think I’m alone in not seeing any reason Tom’s argument has to be false. But, it’s curious your comment got through moderation. Curious and suspicious.

  • i found this article desperately hoping for a reason to live. i have actually have no one. im not capable of having relationships. i just wish i had someone in my life who could accept me for the flawed person i am.

  • I was abandoned by all my relatives when I was a small child and abandoned by all my friends some years ago, I have no one in the world who cares about me, every single day I am alone. I am in college and I go to classes, but no one even knows I exist, no one gives me time of the day, I feel so worthless and unloved and unwanted. No one would even look once if I died.

  • I have never had good luck with men. I have been in a few “relationships”, if you can call them that. The longest one was off and on with a guy who eventually married his child’s mother. So basically, I am good enough to screw but not good enough to marry or be in a long term relationship with. I am so tired of being alone and miserable. I have never been engaged or even lived with a guy. I have only been on vacation once with a guy and that was 5 years ago. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how much longer I can go on being unloved and unwanted. I came home from work today and just broke down crying. All day long, my co-workers are rambling on and on about their husbands and I am just sitting there looking dumb and feeling like crying. I am so jealous of them and I feel like why them and not me? I just want that one man who I can fall in love with and who will fall in love with me but men don’t even approach me anymore. I feel invisible and worthless. I almost slit my wrist today. The only reason why I didn’t go through with it is because I am too much of a coward to do it. I don’t know what is going to happen to me but something has got to change. I can’t go on like this. I feel like so empty and worthless. I don’t want to be here anymore.

  • I can relate to all the postings. I’m a male, 60-years old, married for 36-years, two successful adult children retired and debt free. But I still have been alone my entire life and wish I had the courage to end it all. I have no friends and my family have nothing to do with me. My wife is more of a roommate and this is of my doing. Seem like life has been more of a prison sentence, wish it would end naturally but i know I will have to help it along someday. I really envy the people that can have close relationships that last a lifetime. Anyway wish everyone the best

  • Hi all – some really heartfelt stuff. My thoughts – at least we’re living and feeling. It’s so hard and I feel for all of us. I don’t have any answers but my gut instinct is that we need a community, whatever and however that form takes. I’m alone but I have a child which means I can’t leave her (as my cousin killed himself leaving his children), I’m disconnected, I don’t relate to people in the way most people do but strangely that’s OK. I’m tired of trying to be something I’m not and will never be. However the only thing I would say is find your tribe – they are out there and those are the ones who give you comfort. I love my dogs and looking at the autumn leaves and for now that is good enough.

  • If I hear the trite advice, “reconnect with old friends,” one more time, I’ll … Some of us don’t HAVE old friends. My last friend was in college, my junior year. Since then, I’ve known coworkers. I invite them to meals, coffee, movies, house parties… It doesn’t work out. I’m not interested after all these decades in delving into why things don’t work. There’s no reason people MUST be liked. Some people are just unlikable, despite not breaking laws or major social rules. And “friends” just don’t want to be bothered or have their own problems so can’t be weighed down by ours.

    I’ve been looking at all these websites since I was in school, thinking there must be a solution out there. But after years and years of therapists and drugs and medical interventions, and now too old for anyone to give a d*mn about, I’ve resigned myself to what must happen. I think I lived through my 20s and 30s in grave loneliness (but desperately trying to connect in groups, MeetUps, volunteering…) because I perceived then that if I could just pull together a community, I’d be able to make life work. But it never happened. And now in my 40s, I get an instant cold shoulder from everyone. I’m just OLD and therefore uncool. And I’m only going to get older. I’m not interested in advice. I’ve listened and tried countless specialists’ and lay people’s advice to no avail. I just wanted to vent. I can finally do what I was reluctant to in decades past because I thought things could get much better. But in a culture that worships youth, when you’re older and troubled, well, …

    I’ve begged my “friend” to talk on the phone even just 10 minutes once a month. He agrees and then the day before there’s invariably an excuse as to why it can’t happen. No one wants to be bothered. And I’ve done volunteer work with recent parolees, the elderly, the disabled, needy kids… No matter how much my money or services may be needed, I never am. Even homeless “friends” were disinterested in spending time in a warm home with a home-cooked meal if it meant they had to be around me. Know what it feels like for a homeless person to choose being on the streets over hanging out with you?

    I started a new job overseas. I bought Dale Carnegie’s book on how to win friends and influence people. I tried the steps, re-read the book every week. I was excited to meet my new colleagues and form a cohesive community. They let me know immediately they didn’t like me. After 6 months of always working on my own, never having anyone to talk to or collaborate with, and always getting the cold shoulder from people I was supposed to manage, I quit. Now I’m back home with one goal in mind: figure out how most cheaply and least painfully to spare myself the triple indignity of abandonment, loneliness, and old age.

    Sorry for the long comment and any language mistakes.

  • Ive been on this since I lost my family. Its 9 years since my mother died and Im all alone. I do have work and a profession. But I cant talk to the people from my work about how I feel inside. I tried to make friends a few times, but often I get dropped or they refuse my invitations and I end all alone again, and worst is…I feel rejected. Im going to gym for abou 10 months, Im trying to make of myself someone I would feel interested and wanted to be with. So im working on my poor self steem to develop some confidence. I know this is a good path to follow but…it takes time and right now Im feeling like im hanging on a cord with one arm…either it will break or I’ll lose my strenght and fall in the deep of a well. Theres no one to help me and push me up. Everyone that comes and decide to gone, disappear and leave me with less hope. Ive been ghosted last year by some1 I fell in love and that made me desperate. When I was recovering, some other came to say he was going to take care of me and I was the best thing that happened in his life…so suddenly he didnt wanted to meet me anymore and asked me to please stop sending him messages or looking after him because he wanted me to leave him to be in peace…. I recently found out through his social media that he dropped me because he found another person…so im feeling rejected and used…i cant even ask him what happened since im ignored by all ways of contact…going after him will hurt me even more and im already very damaged. I stopped meeting people for now because im afraid to get hurt again. Its like I had enough so being all alone time will heal the pain and make me forget….Before losing my family and being ghosted…it took me about 6 years to stop crying so I had around 2 years alone living what I tought it was a happy life, then this happenee and now i wonder how much time it will take me to recover.

    • Please think about joining the forum. Thousands of members with similar experiences and issues that can help offer both support and advice on how to get things going again. Even more importantly, they offer freindship an dpeople to talk to – people thatunderstand how you are feeling and that care. It is so hard trying to do it without anybody offering any support or encouragement but it does not have to stay like that. https://www.suicideforum.com/community/

  • Well sometimes it has been hard for me to be alone. I take care of elderly parents.
    I seem to like what I’m doing now. But sometimes I get little to no interaction. Sure I have contacted a sibling or two and it seems like they’re too busy to respond. I don’t seem to have close friends where I am. I don’t get to spend time with them. They’re busy with their own lives. I’m lucky if I get a hi or an hello. Part of me wishes I was going out more and doing more and I’m not able to. I find it difficult to form and keep relationships. No I’m not able to travel. The subject depresses me a little. I do stay home a lot. I can’t just pick up and go.

  • What I don’t understand with all these war stories. Tried of ever talking about mine again, no point, but why does everybody have to add God into the equation. Wish God would take me, only have cats and God, blame it on God? Maybe we have to do the best we can with what we were handed? Death will come soon enough!

  • I remember what it was like to feel like this many a time and I know how terrible it feels to really be all alone. But having an obsessive interest of mine like science helped a lot even when it seemed no one loved me at all. I love having an obsession even if it’s on a book or anything for that matter cause now because it takes my mind off of the fact that I haven’t had one friend to talk to. Reading the Bible and praying hasn’t always helped. It seems I have had times when I have needed some kind of friend. Lately I have felt this way. Being made fun of for getting upset by my own father hasn’t helped things at all. I still feel so alone even now. It seems rather ironic that I still keep going even when I don’t feel approved of by certain members of my own family. I felt I had more friends as a child than I did as a grownup. Being an adult has been a very lonely time. I wish I had gotten to go to camp as a child. Cause well maybe I would have gotten to go canoeing and several other fun activities. Maybe my mother was afraid that I couldn’t handle adjusting to new surroundings or bullies. As a kid, you’re more likely to belong at camp if you get me. It can be tough for find a sense of belonging as a grownup. I just wish I was happier. I wish so much I could change my mood. I seem to do well in other things but I feel like crying when I just know I need a friend and I can’t seem to do much about it even though I’ve tried prayer and reading the Bible which has sustained me but it doesn’t completely take away the pain.

  • I don’t get out all that much cause it takes money to get out and go places and plus my parents are old too. Sometimes I haven’t always had the money. So it can make it doubly hard to get out of this depression. Here I’m in my forties and I have had times that I wish this would go away before I get too much older and end up old and alone. I’m so glad to have the internet right now. Loneliness seems like a life sentence. I have strong feelings of worthlessness and regret over my life. I used to work a job at the church twenty some years before and I miss the happiness and the feeling of fellowship that I had a long time ago. I often find myself reminiscing over the past and the trends of the time and also my young teenage self. I felt so idealistic back then. Now I have felt so jaded. I have had night time dreams of being much younger. I’m finding getting older and feeling so lonely more depressing as time goes on. and wondering how in the world I’m hanging on. Worthlessness and regret are often my closest companions.

  • I can’t help feeling like a terrible person today. I have terrible trouble with controlling my emotions. It makes me feel like I don’t want to be here on earth anymore. When will I ever change? Positive change seems so laughable. Maybe everything will be fine when I’m practically old. Life seems to conspire to make me mad. I couldn’t figure out why my lawn mower wouldn’t start. It turns out the gas I had was old and I had to fill it with newer gas. Also if it rains it may not start at all either. So it took me hours to figure out there was water in the gas tank. Figuring things out is often hard for me. What the hell is so wrong with me? Then I break stuff sometimes or worse and then I feel so guilty. It makes me hate life. I feel like losing hope if you ask me. It makes me think I can’t be Christian in this state of mind. I have some others especially my dad actually tell me this. Natural death sounds so good at times like this.

  • It seems like life seems to treat me terrible. I finally got my problem solved after so many hours and much trouble. I hate the way I am. I can’t seem to control my emotions. Because of it I feel so much hopelessness and guilt.

  • I’m better today. I get tired of the vicious cycle of one day losing it and I punished myself the other day for that meaning no soda on a hot day only water, no watching a good movie, no treats. that type of thing only tactic that works otherwise the same cycle over and over and over and over again. see you have to break the big bad cycle. If I plan on losing it, I remind myself that I’m throwing what would have been a good day away. I was all too proud that I was able to carry out that plan. I’m proud but still depressed over my rather depressing friendless existence.

  • I’m so glad to be out of the muck today. I guess I just needed to get out and go somewhere. I have seemed rather nuts lately. I wish I felt I didn’t need a friend quite so much. I’m thinking how I can make better choices and wondering how life will look once I keep on being positive. I think it’d be great to see how much I’d be enjoying life then.

  • Some of the stories I have read here relate to exactly how I am feeling. I am 64 and at the moment just wish my life will come to an end very soon! I am so miserable and thinking of ways to take my life.

  • If you ask me I feel a bit like 64 even though I’m closer to forty three. I feel like a crummy Christian compared to certain elderly people here with whom I live with. Sure I wish I had younger friends but part of me is so certain it won’t happen soon or soon enough. I sincerely believe that. I wish so much now my life was taken. I’m thick in the life stage of regret already. Accidental death sounds better to me like a car accident or cancer. I have battled this lately. I’ve gotten used to seeing the devil in dreams. Sometimes I think it must be God’s will. It’d really be something if one younger person responded. I just know i’ll die without knowing companionship.

  • well I’m so lonely I feel like crying and then dying. accidental death would be welcome. I’m filled strongly with regret for being here. I’d love a younger friend too but it seems impossible.

  • I wish so much I had a younger friend who could give me an ‘alright’ feeling. I certainly don’t have it. not at all. I feel like crying inside because I don’t have a single young uplifting friend. The last time I felt that way was like in my mid twenties. I’m not as young anymore even though to others who I met I still. am still in my 40s.. I keep getting told in my mind ‘For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish but shall have eternal life. my reaction to this verse. sadness

  • I’m literally in tears when I write this. I’m sick of feeling like a person who doesn’t measure up to a real Christian. Maybe a young friend would put my mind into the correct perspective. I’m longing so much to feel companionship bonding and love.

  • I’m so lonely today. I’m just aching full of it despite the fact that I’ve read my Bible and I’ve tried prayer. I don’t have much enthusiasm. I wake up get dinner do housework take care of meds for my elderly parents. sometimes it feels I’m just existing. I wish I had a nice young female friend. well I’m not that old. I’m only in my early 40s. It’s hard for me to feel I’ve got so much to look forward to. I’m feeling desperate. Sure I take care of my dad but he sure as heck won’t be my best friend. Oh no. Last night I was so hurt by his advice of me maybe I can go up north with the Muslim migrants and not sit on my butt. I just was in tears when I fell asleep. He has never accepted my learning disability. I felt mother’s resentment over me not making my own life. Well I have made my own life just not the way they wanted me to. I wish God could turn all this to God. I wish so badly I could feel God’s love.

  • I don’t know how much I can take anymore. I feel resented and hated. and I feel like that nothing seems to cheer me up right now. Am wishing for a young female friend who can ;make it better.

  • I’m kind of wishing my life would end soon myself. I’m tired of the misery of trying to be happy by myself and not finding peace.

  • I’m very certain that loneliness will do me in and that my life will be over before I know it. I’ve tried prayer it doesn’t help very much.

  • I needed someone who was available to talk to last night after I was being cut down psychologically by my own father. It seems like taking care of him is proving to be a such a downer. Then I talked to someone else closest to me later who happened to be available. But sadly it seemed it was a bit of a mistake. I’m treated like I’m impractical, full of dreams, and just generally torn down. Sometimes I wonder what I was put here on earth for just to be treated in such a manner. I seem fine as long as I don’t need to just chat. I’m still sad today and I wish just some support could take away the pain. I don’t have a friend to console me or offer me support or cheer me up. I’m not kidding. It never dawned on me that I would be so alone that I wouldn’t have anyone to pick me up once in a while. Never thought I’d feel hopeless. If I hadn’t have needed to reach out last night, I would have felt more ‘okay’. I would love to see others comments. just not to feel so alone.

  • But what if the cause of your depression arises from being poisoned by destructive human beings all your life? Being alone is certainly a viable lifestyle, in that case. Personally, making “connections” with others is overblown and overrated. We don’t need each other as much as we’ve been led to believe. Humans are terribly irrational and self-destructive creatures, and the less reliance I have on others, the more secure I feel.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.