Painless Suicide Methods – Pain Free Death

Most people find SF when the pain is so bad that they can’t take it any more. That is how I found SF. If you are here, reading this, the chances are you are so tired of hurting, so exhausted by the relentless black hole of pain inside you that you are looking for a way, ANY way, to make it stop. Painless suicide methods seem like the holy grail right now. I get it – believe me – I understand.

Are There Any Painless Suicide Methods?

The simple answer is no. I understand that your instinct now is to click off this page and keep looking, but STOP. Wait. Just stay a few minutes. The problem with suicide methods is that 97% of the time, they fail. And that is just the completely committed “I want to die right now this second” group. Suicide is painful and messy and horrifying – and I completely understand if you are sitting here thinking “yes, well so is my life” – I have been there.

One of the most common things our members say when they first join SF is ‘I am too much of a coward to go through with it”. Not killing yourself isn’t cowardly. Not killing yourself isn’t weak or spineless. It is okay to scream for help at the top of your lungs right now – you deserve help and nobody can do this alone.

Cowardly Suicide

We have thousands and thousands of members and each and every one of them knows what it feels like to want to fall asleep and never wake up. To stop the pain – for it to be easy and peaceful and painless. Suicide isn’t any of those things. It is painful and lonely and scary and 97% of the time it fails. For people under 40, that number goes up to 99.5% of the time. The thoughts and feelings you are dealing with are not shameful or weak or wrong – but really wanting to die and really wanting to make the pain stop are not the same thing. 

What About Pain Free Death?

It is easy to believe – especially right now – that it wouldn’t matter if you died. Nobody would care. I don’t know you and I don’t know what is going on in your life (I would like to) but I have been suicidal and believed those things, and I have talked to hundreds and hundreds of people who also believe those things. Pain lies. Depression lies. Most of all, despair lies. The idea that your death would not matter and it wouldn’t hurt anyone – that your suicide would be pain free for all concerned – it isn’t true. Maybe you want to believe it is true because you don’t want to hurt any of the people you love. Maybe you hurt so badly you can’t see past the pain to the truth. But you are wrong. There are no ‘pain free’ ways to die. There are especially no pain free ways to kill yourself. Not just the physical messy agony of suicide itself, which is never like it is in the movies or on tumblr, but also the emotional pain you are passing to the people who are about you and even the people who ‘only’ know you.

The pain can go away. I know you don’t believe me; I didn’t believe it either. I was sure – 100% definite – that life would never get better, that the pain would never go away, that I would never feel okay again, let alone happy. I felt alone and isolated and like there was nobody to talk to who could possibly understand. I was wrong. About all of it. There are people who understand and who will support you and while right now you don’t think support can help and you don’t see how talking can make a difference, there is something about NOT feeling alone and isolated that eases the pain just enough to be able to breathe for a minute. To be able to think. To give yourself a chance.

Join Suicide Forum

You Need to Talk to Someone

There is no replacement for professional medical treatment. If you are suicidal you need real medical help – but you also need to talk to people you can be honest with, people you can say out loud “I hurt so much I want to die” to. It is hard, almost impossible, to say those things to people who know and care about you in real life. They get scared and hurt and suddenly you are not only dealing with your own pain, you are dealing with theirs as well. For people who already have more pain than they can bear, that is not an option.

Talking doesn’t magically make the pain go away. I am not going to sit here and lie to you that it might. I understand that it is hard to see the point – the POINT is that you want to make the pain stop and if talking won’t do that then it can feel like a waste of the precious little energy you have left. What talking does – in a peer to peer setting – is make you feel less alone. Knowing that people understand and care, that even strangers who are in pain themselves care about you enough to listen and support you, can make you feel less isolated, remind you that you do not have to deal with this alone. 

Talk to us. Write down how you feel. Engage with people who understand – as much as anyone can understand – how you feel. The pain won’t go away overnight but it CAN go away and you deserve to have support while you deal with it. So instead of clicking off here and going back to Google in search of ways to die, stick around here. Join our community and find ways to make the pain go away that don’t involve killing yourself – ways to make the pain go away that give you your life back. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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136 Comments

  • Hey everyone i havent been feeling 100% for the last few years how do i handle it all? It all seems like my family and friends everyone arounds me seems like they hate me. I feel like the pain isnt going to go away i feel like i dont deserve the life that i have i just need someone to support me through all these hard times i always think about ending my life but i really knoe inside i dont want to but it seems like the only option 3/4 of the time 😔

    • i made the mistake of actually telling someone about mere passing thought of suicide. big mistake. now i’m in a WORSE place because in our capitalist/corporate system, i’m flagged and marginalized. my life is further ruined. they don’t even tell you, you are labeled a mental patient forever and ever. i can’t go to ANY medical services without being treated like a crazy. no matter what the shrinks and medical profession say about how they want to “help”, DON’T BELIEVE THEM. they are looking for CUSTOMERS to line their pockets. they don’t want to help if you don’t have $$$$$. and no, there are no services to help the poor. all you get is shafted by the doctors and system.

      just remember, there are no “cures” for mental illnesses. this is the carrot the doctors and system keeps holding up to prolong your misery for their profit and to make themselves feel good that in their mind they’re doing something “good”. once a mental patient, always a mental patient. mental history is less medical and more a legal matter.

  • hey guys my life is black darkness and i read all post and it make me think only many thougts and my childen are not siblings and life had ben fine to me but i ate many chips and now 6 years late i have tried kill myself and also my childen i dont think ican make this work 🙁

    • Considering the urgency of your post you might consider medical help thru the emergency department of your local hospital. I don’t make that recommendation lightly considering my involvement in the psyche ward of 3 different hospitals. I make it because of what you wrote. Please for your sake get professional help. You might also consider calling the National Suicide Prevention Hotline.

  • I’m 20 , single , I’ve been having a shitty life for since i was 10 and its gotten worse day after day . i had a major failure in a pretty serious relationship and moved on after 6 month , been doing drugs and a alcohol. having shitty life , family , a lot of economic problems , some failed turning points has driven me to a point that forces me to want to stop it all , maybe others say that, its not kind of a big deal and many people have the same issues , but the fact is , i cant take it anymore , i’m simply alone , cant talk to anyone about my messed up life , and the things that can save me from my misery and gloomy life , are so beyond my reach , i don’t know how to do it , i value life a lot , but if i’m living , i want to live like an average human , average 20y old boy , but i just cant help it , its been a a long time since i last had a normal , sleep , i cant even sleep well , im simply breaking down . im not sure if ive got what it takes to end my life , but im srsly considering it as a way to break out of this living nightmare.

    • Suicide is not the best option. I have been through a lot. People tried to tear me down. When I was 8 i tried to slit my throat until my parent walked in my room. I have grown up in a christian household but my parents were abusive and would make me feel like i was stupid and not worthy. Throughout middle school i would ask God why he was putting me through all of this. I started running to God and he had his arms wide open and took me in. I asked him into my heart in 7th grade and he has been with me. God loves you so much. He knows what you have been through and wants you to know that he will always be there for you all you have to do is accept him into your heart. Please Please don’t take your life. There is another way out and that is through him.

    • you need to have faith in you…try to top alcohol and drugs…start a new life…and if u need some calm and peace try islam 🙂

  • I’m 18 years old and I already feel like I have hurt more people than I can imagine. I don’t find life as something I can deal with anymore, I don’t like the way I live and I think so little of myself. I had beautiful dreams and everything changed in a second almost a year ago. I cry alone in my room every night, I don’t sleep and I can’t talk to anyone about this. My mom would freak out and I’m not sure I have friends. I tried to kill myself because I don’t see how this can go away. I saw a psychologist for some time and, well, as you can see, nothing changed. I don’t know what to do. I’m just not sure I wanna live

    • Yup. My life is literally perfect and yet every single passing microsecond is absolute agony. People don’t understand that external circumstances have very little to do with ongoing happiness or contentment, or lack thereof. If something terrible has happened in your life and you are suicidally sad because of it, that will pass with time, and that’s not depression, that’s just being sad about something. Negative external circumstances can be overcome and dealt with, as long as your brain’s chemistry isn’t broken. But seriously broken brain chemistry – where a loving wife, amazing kids, great friends, endless money etc bring LITERALLY zero enjoyment – that’s depression.

  • I have been suffering depression for about 2 years, I was told I had PTSD. Living with this condition has made me feel on many occasions that life would be better off without me. I used to be a happy outgoing person with good work ethics, now I’m doubting myself and feel useless. I’m writing this as a way of coping and knowing other people are going through the same pain I am experiencing. It’s interesting before I had this illness I never believed in depression and I can understand why people think I’m fine when they see me but don’t know what is going on in my head.
    Barry

  • Hi Cindy, I hope you’re doing fine right now and I hope you still continue to live your life. I may not know what you are going through but I have depression and I still find ways to live this life in a way that I will make myself proud that at some point I didn’t give up and I still manage to wake up everyday and go on with my life.

  • I failed as a doctor. I couldn’t live up to my potential . I cannot study further. Scared I might harm someone I quit medicine. Spent nearly all of my parents money. Single, broke, frustrated with no direction in life. Hiding away and hoping it comes to an end.

    • The fact that you quit medicine for fear that you would hurt someone shows what a big heart and conscience you have. You would be surprised how many shitty doctors are out there who know they are shitty, but keep practicing because they don’t want to leave the life of status and prestige.

    • Hi there,

      Not to worry you failed as a doctor, I presume you mean you failed your exams. So what, no one is perfect. There are other ways you can stay in medicine. Technician which is very interesting, I know cos I have done that. Nursing? Radiologist. pharmacist.
      Good luck my friend.

  • I’ve had huge problems with depression since I was 8. No one in my family beleived i had a problem, and i got in trouble alot because i couldn’t handle the most basic tasks in life. It took a long time for them to accept I have problems. I’ve reached out for help many times and the medical community fails, not for lack of trying, to help. I’ve even had one doctor that made the problem so much worse.

    So now i’m 32, i live with my mom, well for a few more days until i’m homeless, can’t work, have no money, no friends, no future. Hence why i’m searching how to kill myself.

  • ~Hi, i cn relate to all of you so tired of fighting all the struggles, dont want to wake up.what or how do we survive
    each day. Hard world to live in. Where is help when
    You can’t afford to live. Any advice.

  • Ive hated life for a long time I’m pretty sure my fiancé has been fucking my friends for years we have dogs and a house and don’t know what to do with my life I wish I could just me gone dead and alone

    • I too am alone, even though I have a husband and dogs. But that’s it. I’ve tried ODing and cutting badly to the point that my wrist doesn’t work right. I’ve spent over 3months in psych wards. My dogs didn’t recognize me, my brothers and husband have been through too much. I am under conservatorship/ guardianship and trying to get out. What I really need and want is to not be a pain to others, they need to carry on. I am under financial, emotional, psychological pain. I have cost myself and my husband countless amounts of of hurts imaginable and even things no one has heard of. Spending time in 2 group homes in 2 different states and places. I’m on disability and in the past was homeless. Oh my dear God.. If you could read my mind.. all the thoughts it would tell. I drink at night when hubby is asleep, I can’t move, can’t read, can barely handle silence..it’s what gets me every time. Numbers and songs tell me I’m wrong. Seriously..tired of pretending, tired of not being motivated, happy and so opposite of what I used to be. I left..Oh, God. Divorced, not divorced, lawyers, debts, sins ..it gets worse and worse and worse and worse. I’m deemed incapacitated right now. Not supposed to drive or vote..beyond horrid..it really is. The karma of my past reeling back into the present..as if it’s all happening right now. I have decieved, begged, and have no clarity. What a coward and stupid fool and dummy I am..seriously. If you can relate to this situation please tell me or relate to me..there’s not much left in resources in me. I cut myself last Valentine’s day..oh my bloody valentine..and I blead my self physically.. the ghost of the future said this is going to hurt..and I said ‘ it did..a long time ago. It’s the end of the innocence…

  • Hi.. I feel very low. My marriage sucks. I feel like a kid trying to seek his attention all the time while he treats me like a piece of shit.

    • This is exactly how I felt until she just decided she was done with me and made me move out. I’m sorry you are feeling like I do. I wish it would go away.

  • Didn’t make me feel any better but awesome it has for some peopl. I am sick of trying to make friends with peopke &constantly being rejected. 36 years old & no friends. Dad’s the reason i haven’t killed myself,he’s the only one i can sort of talk to. When he’s gone I’m outta here! Everyone fucking hates me no matter what i do.

  • I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s very easy to say that everything will be fine but it does not.. I just want to be happy, they say to get over it.. But I am trying my best. I feel like I am a burden to everyone. I feel so empty.

  • Don’t know what to say….just found this.
    I feel numb all the time it’s driving me mad….people who you think would be supportive are not

  • am feeling the world is against me,am 20 years old and I did an arbortion and ever since then my life has been ups and down.
    Am failing at school and I was excluded,that time I was suppose to appeal but something made me forget to appeal against my exclusion.
    Now am sitting thinking of dying cause nothing is going right in my life.
    My fear is how am I even gonna go back home and tell them that I failed in varsity.Dying is the only option I have.
    I have failed myself and my family cause now I have a baby and am don”t have a future

  • I am feeling lost, empty. I don’t remember how many times I wish I could end my miserable life. I worry about everything, especially recently, I have left my job and broke up with my boy friend since I want to find a way out, but now, things seem even worse. I am living a life without any motivation, I find my existence just meaningless, not worth-living. I can’t remember when is the last time a feel truly happy about something in my life. I don’t want to living in such endless circle of pain. I am scared.

  • I’m feel alone and empty.each morning I wake up I just want to end it,i can’t take it anymore .I have friends but I can’t call them friend and every where I look I just see pain and suffer. I have no one in my life and can’t even talk to my family.I live like a ghost, no on see or care, maybe something is wrong with me,I can’t sleep I just thing about why this happened to me,why I’m alone and unhappy,why there is no one is my life.I don’t have any future and I want to end this pain.

  • Hi. I’m s seed and in a bad place. I don’t think I can go on smiling and trying to be there for others. I feel all alone. I help people every day, but don’t have anyone. The love of my life left me and at times I think we might get back together and then nothing. I can’t take the highs and lows. It’s too much!!

  • It doesn’t matter anymore to me I’m 53 I lost my wife my father and father in law all within 2/3 months apart slightly over a year ago now I’m facing be homeless from no fault of own so what’s the purpose of trying to live it’s futile

  • I’m a total disappointment and a failure to my family, my Brother has a good education and is ‘The Good One’ and I’m the youngest, failure that cant do anything right, except maybe kill myself

    • Please. Don’t do it. I’m suicidal too, I have been for the past 2 years, and I’ve been majorly depressed for 5. I’m to much of a coward to actually go through with it. Since I’m a 12 year old girl, so many people say I’m to young to be “depressed” or “suicidal” and that I’m too young. But they don’t know what it feels like. If we try, we can all have a chance at survival, I know it sounds impossible, and trust me, it is. But well, it just might get better, we need to take that chance, just hang on a little bit longer, and prove to everyone that we’re stronger than they think.

  • There’s no way out, my husband had an affair, I’m in my 40’s had to move back with my dad who’s aggressive, violent and the reason I left home 20 years ago. He’s a nasty bully and I have no where to go. I’d be homeless or livebin a tent but I have pets and I can’t subject them to that. I want an empty house to live in with my dogs, I want to be peaceful but I can’t afford to live on my own. I have no way out.

  • I just wanna open myself here, i’ve been dealing with depression since i was 4, and now i’m 21, i just can’t stand being alive anymore, my life is totally pointless. Until today i’ve never been able to share what i feel to anyone, i really don’t know what to do, i can’t find a way out of this feeling, i feel like the only way for me to get rid of this is by suicide, but i don’t have the strength to go throw it. I just wanted to never be awake anymore.

  • I just want to stop hurting so much inside and be able to see the sun again. All I see is an abyss of black and I want it to go away

  • I’m Lindi I feel so alone and helpless . I feel like my mom and dad never loved me. They treat me awfully and on the other hand I so want to give up in life . I’m in deep pain. But guys thanks for helping people like me. 😢

  • Hi my name is steve l live with a girl that put me through a lot coz she is a heavy drinker l a am just tyerd of the treatment l get l need to go l am no good for anybody

  • I have always wanted to kill myself, my parents hate me. I think I wont and I will be ok for a little longer

  • I honestly just need to type this out. Ive messed up my life so bad. Ive done drugs, stolen, and not even have I thought twice of it. I feel so depressed. Its like my brain is telling me nobody likes me, and that killing myself will be the easiest way out. Ive got so much to lose. I though I had found the right girl, but she cheated on me right in front of me, and then said she was sorry, and it wouldnt happen again. I think its kinda messed up. I have fake people in my life. It sucks

  • I am 33, i have a child who is just 5 years. I have been jobless for over 4 months. My wife taunts me everyday, telling me that I am a loser. There are a lot of expenses. She is earning well, however, she has unnecessary expenses, which is not called for. Sometimes she threatens me, to leave with my child. I dont know what to do. My luck has just ran out. Its just a matter of time.

  • Hey. I read this article the yesterday when I was planning to just end it all. After reading this, I realized that maybe, just maybe, someone would care. I have my parents, a few close friends, my readers (I write online) who might care, even a bit. So, i delayed the thought. Yet, the thoughts are back again, haunting me with all their will. I just… can’t continue. What should I do? People have told me to try to have a positive outlook on things, but in this frame of mind, it is next to impossible.

  • Yesterday was my birthday. I thought I would get rid of this suicidal thought which I was having since when I was a kid. But here I am still having the thought of ending my life. I’m tired of this life. Nothing goes well in my life. I am such a loser. My family will be sad if this happened but they will move on, I suppose.

  • It freaking sucks. Hiding. Acting. And when you don’t act anymore that’s when everybody starts paying attetion. When they find out u hurt yourself then they want to help. But u wonder why didn’t they help fro the begging.

  • My life is a mess. I am a mess. I have never accomplished one thing in my life. I have a beautiful, incredibly intelligent 5 year old, his sperm donor is in prison for rape and murder. I have a beautiful daughter, who is so creative and imaginative and her father is a drug addict who only cares about himself. I cannot give them the life they deserve. I cannot maintain a job for longer than 6 months because I crumble under stress. I have multiple evictions because of this so I cannot even give them a place to live on my own. My children are being ruined everyday because the only role model they have is me and I am a failure. I have a mother that loves when I fail because it makes her feel better about herself. I have zero friends because all of my friends went on to have productive lives and I self sabotage every chance I get. I feel guilty every second of every day because my children deserve so much more. My son teaches himself amazing things everyday, he loves to learn, he has taught himself about every country in the world, about organs and how they work and he loves space. i fear he will never get an opportunity to do anything with his life because of me. I can’t provide them with even the basic of things they need to survive. I just want to call cps and ask them to find them a good home and die. My son loves me more than I can explain and I don’t deserve it. He tells me how much of a good mother I am and he kisses me while I am still sleeping when he wakes up in the morning and tells me he loves me and it makes me feel so guilty. I am robbing my children of good opportunities because of my own mental health problems. My daughter is 3 years old and she is so funny and adorable, she loves life and loves everything about it and I wish I could feel the same way. I want to enjoy them, but all I feel is guilt. My boyfriend which is my daughter’s dad ignores us all day, he plays is guitar and get high and sucks up all our resources, we have next to nothing and he couldn’t care any less. It makes me so angry that I act crazy. I want to leave and I want to start over. I could never get a place in my name, I have not one person in the world that could watch my kids while I work. I feel so stuck that I can’t even breathe. And at the same time I feel stupid for even typing this because there are so many people with so much less and so much worse. I can’t even feel sorry for myself properly.

  • I have been in my current state for past more than 20yrs. Nothing changes no matter how much I try. I fail everywhere. Not because of me…but bcoz o people around me who I cannot avoid. I dont see any meaning to my life….nobody is bothered…everyone has their lives families kids job friends….. I have tried everything to make things work for me but I always end up at zero. When I do things for others…I never fail….so ppl take me for granted…tell me how I made mistakes…elders…kids…friends…peers…parents…relatives…I keep hearing the same bloody sentences…. nobody feels that i can also feel hurt…I want to be loved…want somebody do some good to me….all this is bullshit

  • Cindy I have found this site tonight, I know exactly what you mean by wearing a fake smile, I have been pretending things are fine for over 18 months I am living a continual lie, I am exhausted cannot pretend anymore. I feel extremely alone/worthless

  • I’m 18 years old, you’re probably thinking im too young for this thread but I guess the pain doesnt discriminate age, I might have posted two comments due to I cant see my comment being posted so I apologise if I have, my girlfriend of a few years left and I thought I was okay and I didn’t cry or anything I kept it locked away, forever, never to tell anyone, I’ve seen her a few times since then and each time I cried my eyes out, I don’t know why I could never explain to her why, so I messaged her trying to apologise for everything to clear my guilt that I feel day in day out. I feel such pain everyday, it starts of emotional but eventually it leads to me physically in pain all over, I feel numb, the pain and guilt is too much to bare day in day out, so I’ve tried to kill myself multiple times, and I’ve hid the signs from my family and friends, because if I told them they’d look at me differently; I make them all laugh, thats what I do. If I tell them all this they will just worry about me wont they? Everytime I tried to kill myself theres something that just stops me, fuck, I don’t even have the guts to end it all, im such a coward. I’m glad I found all you lot, you all deserve so much happiness, because its the ones that go through all this pain that are the real soldiers, those in hidden capes, those who feel this endless void. Thank you all truly

  • I am 16 and I know I am very young but I have been feeling suicidal for over two years … I have been depressed down and I’ve tried to come up in so many ways…lately before my results came out I was depressed even more than I could bare I had anxiety and I’ve been really good at hiding it but now it is finding its way to the surface…my life is good more than I can wish for but my mental health I below zero. it is worse that I’ve ever felt my whole life. I know if I kill myself life would be so much better for my loved ones as they would stop spending a whole load of money on some one as useless as me…in my life I’ve been trying so hard .. at my studies and all but I never get anywhere. I kept failing and failing and I am tired of letting people down. let alone letting myself down. I am honestly tired of life and I want to die…and thats all there is to it…I have been building myself up stronger and better and so anythings have been tearing down my walls. and now I’m done building. I want to sleep … forever…..some day I might be able to look back not this comment ……or maybe…I won’t be here to see it……

  • I want to die cause I am a waste of space but I love a few people in my live and I would never want to hurt them but it would be better for them if I go

  • I honestly dont care about my life i was raped by my family member i was very close too and ever since i went back to school it has been very hard on my and i dont care but i try to make the best of it and i cant im ready to take my own life. i know its bad to say this but i need real support form people who understand me.

  • I have had problems with low self esteem and suicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember. This site has really helped and hurt my heart. I never knew so many suffered with these thoughts. I am not alone that is for sure and I so wish that wasn’t true because it is truly a terrible pain. If anyone would like to talk to someone I am here to listen but not to give advice as I have the same problems and working through them one day at a time.

  • I want to die. I seriously don’t know how to keep living. I’ve made so many mistakes and hurt so many people with my depression I don’t know how to deal with it. I want to fucking die and end it all

  • There is no point in talking to anyone. I have tried and I am just not important and peoples ACTIONS prove this statement. I don’t want this life and to always feel so worthless by people who claim to love me the most is solid proof. Everytime I express my thoughts and how I feel they are disregarded like the worthless person I am. I have tried to convince myself that everything will be fine and I just need to keep telling myself I am a good person and I do try very hard but actions of the people that ‘love’ you proves that what you think about yourself is completely justified and every one of those people will be happy if you were gone. I have been fighting depression for years and guess what NOT ONE PERSON CARES – this is a fact. People will want to help but only enough to make themselves feel good. No one cares and this is a fact of the world we live in.

    • There’s no such thing as professional help, I’ve tried numerous times. They look at you as if your weird and only really want to know if your intentions are to hurt others. 10 years almost to the day I’ve felt like this. I am sooo exhausted and tired. I completely understand where your coming from.

  • I’m 30 years old and have almost lost all will to live. My life is not what I thought it would be seven years ago. I had dreamed that I would have a family of my own, a good job to support them with, kids even, but none of that has come to fruition. I’m so much of loser that I can’t even afford to move out of my parents’ house. I made a poor choice in my pursuit of a degree and I can’t find solid work with it. I have failed and disappointed everyone around me. I’m a burden and a waste of space and don’t see that changing. Even my efforts to change things don’t go anywhere. I don’t see any reason to go on living.

  • I am so depressed its insane. Can’t express my feelings and pain what i went and go trough. I wish i had someone to understand me. All i want is to be over it . I want to die pain free .

  • Nice article. But, I still want to go to sleep and never wake up. I feel very alone even though I am married and have a son. I wish I could be a better person. I feel so drained.

  • came here because i thought about to end it but then i thought maybe it would be nice to say to you guys that i love you and that were gonna make it

  • I am 23 gonna have my 24 birthday in 2 months. I have graduated from college for half a year now and trying to find a job with depression and anxiety is so hard. No employer wants someone who has little energy, easily stressed and anxious around people. I was actually going into the helping profession but it felt like my depression is making it impossible for me to get a job in this field. How can I help people when I can barely help myself? Also, my relationship with my bf is falling apart after me realising that to him a lot of other things are more important than me. I felt hurt and cheat, not valued. And after my dad raped me I felt like I have lost the dad that I once loved so deeply…Reading all your commemts makes me feel like that I am not alone in this, and I can totally relate to you…it is very hard…we are in this together and I have not given up yet and i want to let all you know that I care about you and I want you all to feel better

  • I’m not worth it. My story is on another website for life recovery and help, and that website and everyone there, all supportive and against suicide, just told me the same discouraging things. My life is so bad, there is no hope for me. Everyone just says theyre sorry, and then they all just stop talking.

    Im so suicidal, Im unable to find a person to relate too. I thought I had the affection of a lovely woman, whom did things no one else did, but she doesnt want to be close, despite her saying Im well worth it and her having the same feelings. Im just not worthy, Im not an equal, Im not worth the effort, my life doesnt matter and that cuts deep, when you have someone you feel that could save your life and is worth living for, just tell you they “cant” and “Im sorry” and leave you to die.

    I dont know what to do. No one honestly likes me, the support group on the other websites both gave up on me. I feel there is just no hope. No love. Nothing.

  • im 27 , graduated in 2014 and still have no job. I am talented and a very good writer but no one sees that unless you sleep with them to get a job you know you are good at.

    I was raped at 15 and I got raped again this year . tell me why I should live. all I am saying is this is my first and last post . there is no way surviving jumping in front of a train.

    im not encouraging any1 to kill themselves but this is the end for me and I wish all of you nothing but to find happiness someday.

  • will kill myself probably because my mom doesn’t like me and my dad doesn’t like me either so I’m a shame for my family and have no friends. everything i do is wrong, i try every day but everything gets wrong. I’m just digging further and further down the big pit. and soon I can no longer cope

  • I’m 41. Divorced for years. During the work week, I’ll not speak to anyone except my 5 coworkers. I take my medication because I’m told to. I work out daily because I’m told to. I make sure I get enough sleep because I’m told to. I speak with a therapist because I’m told to. I do everything I’m told to do. But the effort of life just isn’t worth the very meager reward. I’m just waiting until my parents pass away. I can do that much for them. After that, I have no reason to stick around.

  • A good read but what do you do if you have no one left to live for no family no friends no one and to make it was I get blamed by there friends and family for what happened how can you get passed that

  • Hi there. My parents are aware I’m suicidal.

    A lot of people here are much older than me. My parents don’t think I have depression, but my doctor does. My father keeps saying there’s so much to look forward to, but school wears me down.

    Most of my friends joke around and make fun of me when I mention my mental problems. I feel like no one understands me.

    I’m only 14, and I want it all to end.

    The pain won’t go away.

  • I truly want to die. I am not depressed. If I don’t do this. My entire family will be embarrassed by the actions I have done in the past. It will be coming to light and there is nothing I can do to fix it.

  • I’m so f***ing tired of dealing with the bulls*** life is giving me and I’ve lost all hope. No one knows, and I want to keep it that way. I don’t want to talk because talking isn’t gonna make life any better. Nothing I do now is gonna make it any better. I keep thinking it can’t get any worse, yet it always does. The only thing that’s been stopping me from suicide is the knowledge that it’ll land me in Hell (I’m religious).
    I’m so tired of people saying to “talk” to someone or “realize” that they’re loved and cared about and that they’ll be missed. I already KNOW that, but at this point I don’t give a f*** anymore and will do anything to make it go away. I keep wondering what the best-case-scenario in life would be if life could be like I wanted, but I realized that nothing will make life good. NOTHING. I can wish to be cured of depression, but it’s a part of who I am and I would be living a lie if I didn’t know the hopelessness of this world and the human society. I can wish the voices in my head to go away but then I would get lonely. I can wish to be rich and famous but that’s not gonna make the pain go away. I can wish to grow up but that’d only cause more problems in life. I can wish to die but then I’d worsen the rest of my family’s depression and I don’t want my belongings to be sold/thrown out/given to someone else. I just wish I’d never existed in the first place…

    I want to be in Heaven, but life’s so bad I think maybe I’d prefer Hell over living. Because then at least I wouldn’t be ALIVE.

  • I am 24 and my only living relative recently died and I have been dealing with depression for a while and I am currently unemployed and I have no friends and not much of an education (highschool drop-out) but everyone says I have so much to live for and that I shouldn’t do it but I feel alone and empty.

  • I’m 14, and already failed my life I feel as though I’m just overreacting and I have never told anyone this side of me I’ve always been here when I was 8 I tried to kill myself because I already felt like a failure then at 8. No one knows about that. Same when I was 10, no one knows. When I was 12 I had a knife through the first layers of my chest but was working up the courage to push it further in when my parents came home and I quickly hid everything, no one knows about that. I tried to kill myself last year but found joy in fortnite, yes I know that’s stupid but it WAS refreshing and fun. Now I’m here again, my parents I don’t think are proud of me or have ever been but I don’t want to confront them about it… I’ve never done anything significant in my life, I don’t see myself going anywhere and it’s pain to live. I’m fence sitting on kill myself and I want to believe life goes on and it gets better but it’s just hard to believe. I don’t think talking about this with anyone will make me feel better and I don’t think a therapist or psychologist can help me, there’s nothing they can do for me. I want to kill myself, but I want to live at the same time, and I’m afraid I’ll decide soon.

  • I am a demiboy questioning if I’m trans (ftm) and I’m not accepted by most of my family. It hurts so bad. I have a boyfriend and he’s transgender (ftm) and he’s not accepted either. I know I shouldn’t be thinking about suicide because I need to live for him, but it hurts so bad… it’s like if someone plunged a knife into your esophagus and twisted it around and around and you have to feel every millisecond of this terrible, painful feeling… I wish I could just end it all, then I’m bullied elsewhere… and the only people who actually care are my friends and they live too far away… I’m not allowed to take medication.. I’m not allowed to attend therapy.. I’m not allowed to talk about my day… And I can’t even talk to my Mom. This makes me sick, just remembering all the times I’ve been so close to dying, but I never got to fall completely into that void. I’ve tried overdose, slitting my wrists, hanging myself, stabbing myself, and I’ve even tried to drown myself. I’m only 13. No one ever listens to me… I just want to hide myself away in a closet and hang myself with the lacy dresses that my grandmother buys me in “an attempt to draw me away from becoming a monstrosity.” And then she wonders why I don’t want to live. This woman literally talks about me behind my back and sits in the living room, not letting me close my room door, and she talks about me being a disgrace to the family WHILE I’M TRYING TO SLEEP. I just can’t even deal right now…

  • I don’t want to wake up. I’ve done everything to change my state: different therapies, different medication, sports, meditation, yoga, working, studying a master, help people, move jobs, move countries, travel, finding new friends. But in the end, there is nothing I can do to stop this burning pain I feel everyday and nothing I can do to stop hurting and disappointing people around me, no matter how hard I tried. I feel so narcissistic, selfish and self-absorbed. My deep desired to be loved, to be taken care of, to feel my emotions and my desires matter, has turned me into a selfish and self-absorbed person. I know how it hurts to be disappointed, and still I disappoint people. The few people that stick around, I push them away. No matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, I always end up like this. I see no point in continuing, if it is just pain and longing, if I just hurt and let people down. At least before I was fun to be around, I had a sense of humor, I laughed. I don’t even have that now. I have nothing good left. So I see no point, I will continue failing myself and failing others, and everytime that happens, takes a big toll on me. I just want to disappear.

  • lost many close friends, parents divorced dads a crook, suffered extreme harassment and everyday racism while keeping it all to my self with no one to talk to. Nobody is coming and I’m falling further than I ever fallen before. the end is near for me as I told myself every day that tomorrow would be better. unfortunately, this is wrong and I find my self contemplating life seriously every day I feel i am ready and i have reached the point where i can’t take it anymore and see no positives in life there is only one way out the misery,

  • I am 37 my wife has physically abused me for over 3yrs. She has knocked out my front tooth and hit me in the head with a baseball bat. She has done all of this to me because she believes I cheated on her 3yrs ago. I am constantly called insulting names like dirty dick and much worse. We have 2 children that she says these things to as well. I have lost my job working for a family member because at one time I stole from the business and paid it all back and then when money came up missing again I was automatically blamed even though another employee was stealing. I love my children and my son has more love for me than I will ever understand. He is the main reason I haven’t killed myself yet because I know it would devastate him. But I also know that he is young enough he may not remember me and then he can get a dad that’s worth looking up to. I have felt depressed since I was 9yrs old and I first attempted suicide. All I ended up doing was cutting my thumb with a piece of glass. It took 9 stitches and I still see the scar to this day. To me it is a reminder that suicide is not as easy as people think. That depression never really goes away. It’s always there. I have finally started receiving meds because after I was terminated from my job I was at the lowest I had been in a long time with no hope. So I attempted to hang myself with an extension cord. The cord broke and I spoke to the suicide hotline just looking for someone to talk to and they the police to my house and they took me to the psych ward for 3 days. Now I get meds but the suicidal thoughts and depression hasn’t really gone away at all. I can sleep now without grinding my teeth all night and sleep for more than 3 or 4 hrs at a time. But it is not restful. I feel like a zombie most days when I finally drag myself from bed with almost every muscle in my body in pain. The meds don’t really help but it seems better than not taking them.

  • Im am 14and a guy want me to post nudes so I did and now he posted them on social media and I want to kill myself because I am a idot and I am very young I have a bf who i loved very much but he is never going to talk to me

  • Shut up asshole. Life simply isn’t worth living. It’s a crappy deal. We spent most of our time with things we couldn’t care less about. Our free time is so little compared to the time we’re at work and busy doing chores to continue living our lives (going shopping, cooking, cleaning etc.). From a rational and non emotional standpoint life isn’t worth living.

  • I’m pretty much at the same point most people are at giving up an not giving afuck anymore, I’m so close to just offing myself that it isn’t worth living anymore I’m 24 going on 25 an literally on edge looking at the pits of death an this could be the last thing I type I won’t ask for help tried that didn’t work my life went to hell when my biological father abused me to the point now I’m done, done with everything I’m still single, never dated zero kids so I got no value at living anymore really only I do is work an drink on the weekends to the point that I don’t remember the following night….. My world is burning an feels no way outta the hell, just waiting for the time is right or when someone tell me to drop dead then I think that probably draw the last straw.

  • Everything hurts and I just don’t want to feel pain anymore. I’ve tried to get professional help several times. My first therapist basically blackmailed me to continue therapy with him. I had told him I wanted to see another therapist and he had a courier come to my house with a letter that said he was going to commit me unless I continued therapy with him. I was on so
    many different medications that I felt like I lost myself. I tried another therapist who also just overmedicated me. That was the point that I realized that no one could actually help me and I have not been to a therapist since, Nothing makes the pain go away. Ever. The feeling of despair just gets worse. I try to believe that tomorrow is going to be better. But it never is. I see nothing in my future.The older I get the harder it is to see any reason to be here anymore. What is my purpose in this world? The empties never goes away. I’m just broken for some reason. I wish knew why. I just want to be normal. I just wish my brain wasn’t so broken. I think I’m just too messed up for anybody to really love. I just have my parents and I feel like I’m just a huge burden to them. I think they’re just tired of having a screwed up daughter. When they’re gone I will have no one.

    And the thought of being more lonely than I already am is terrifying.

  • TIRED AFTER 71 YEARS OF PTSD… NO DESIRE FOR ‘HELP’… JUST THE PEACE OF NO HUMANITY… WON’T GIVE HUMANS THE PLEASURE OF TRYING TO HELP. I APPEALED FOR HELP MEANINGFUL TO ME, NOT THOSE SAYING ‘THEY CARE’ FOR 2 YEARS. THEY ARE INTERESTED IN THEMSELVES NOT FEELING THEIR OWN PAIN, HENCE THEY THINK TO USE ME TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES? LOL

  • Anyone know how to get help with mental health in UK? I was referred a mental health hospital a year ago and was assessed and put on a waiting list and told to not do anything stupid (like kill myself?) in the mean time. That was a year ago. A few weeks ago I shut myself off and started seriously thinking about taking all my tablets. Someone with my house key stopped me from going ahead with a well timed visit. I’m not going to do anything stupid at the moment but with Xmas coming on and other things going on in my life, that darkness can come back at any time and very suddenly. I have arranged a private therapist visit to learn about options but I can’t afford the on-going fee for private treatment. I’m actually taking the money to pay for it out of my rent. I have no idea of the waiting list for NHS, they just keep telling me they are short staffed. My psychologist recommended a psychiatric nurse for me but there are none available. Are there any other options in UK? Maybe a charity. Needs to be in Wales. I tried Mind but they can’t help with my main problems. I need one to one therapy. I was told cognitive behavioural therapy wouldn’t work for me because of my ASD. TIA.

  • Im 16, my girlfriend left me, my family hate me, i don’t have any true friends anymore, i can’t go to school to get GCSEs, the only thing that’s ever felt positive was my now ex, playing piano and skyrim. I have nothing to live for and nowhere to go except whatever sort of afterlife exists if it even does

  • I’m 13 and two weeks ago I broke up with my first boyfriend because he didn’t love me anymore and this sent me back to the dark place. And since then I have been suicidal again and I just want to die I’ve been depressed for a year since my grandad died and I became suicidal for the first time but then stopped but because of my ex i am now back to square one and I have just given up but I don’t want to hurt my family what should i do

  • I am 49 and in well paid employment. That is noT the point. My wife does not love me and drinks, She has even tried to get to know men online. I only found out because someone tried to blackmail us. On Christmas eve after a few months of hell I went to bed hoping I wouldn’t wake up. I am not a child and hate when people try to score points off each other, I really have got to the point were I am so unhappy with my life that I wish I had the guts to just end it. there are no children involved,

  • I have a good life, compared to what most people described in above comments.
    I have a good job, live in a great city, I have some great friends, honestly I know in super lucky.
    And still, I can’t stop myself from feeling lonely and desperate.
    It’s been 3 years since I divorced, I am really in need of affection, and you know what, sex too.
    I’ve only known rejection ever since I’m single.
    Why does it hurt so much? Why is it so hard?
    I know I sound ridiculous…
    I often feel like I’m a fake — even for suicide, I’m a fake suicidal.
    I just wanted it to stop!

  • I’m 52yr man..and cant stop thinking about sumthin that I’m truly ashamed of and I want to end the pain I’m in I deserve to die as its bought shame on myself and my family whom I love very much ..I feel so alone ..depressed…sad…useless…I see no future for me…how can I end my life as peacefully as possible….I hate pain

  • Every night for years I’ve just been hoping that no matter why I don’t wake up in the morning but I force myself to discard these thoughts because of the people I care about and who love me but then I think once these special people in my life are gone there will be nothing stopping me from killing my self

  • Just read so many stories here. I hear your voices too. I hope you all made it and found reason to live another day. I’m struggling so badly also. I struggle every day to live. The colour has washed out of life. I wish I could say I have changed my mind about suicide. I haven’t.

  • No one will miss me at all. My phone hasn’t rang in almost 2 years, isolated every person i know. Just don’t want to fail at this too.

  • Dont get me wrong. I LOVE life. I have so many things to look forward to. Only thing which made me search for a painless method to end life is that I am in physical pain 24×7 due to my condition. This has been going on for more than 30 years and has kept on worsening. The doctors can’t cure me but the condition is not life thretening. Therefore I would like to be in control on when to call it quits.

  • When the born die, to ashes we turn, gravel we mold, earth shall take us. Time engulfs all, leave not. Til death to ashes til rebirth.

  • Wow. My life seems incredible compared to a lot of these posts. My best friend and I recently drifted apart, we were best friends for four years. I have only one true friend and it’s a failing friendship. My dad left me when I was 8. I have so many things to be happy about but none of them cheer me up. I am smart yet everything feels too futile for me to try. I call myself weak for hating everything about myself, but am not strong enough to end it. I should be happy but I just can’t be for some reason. Whenever I try to make friends they dislike me. They are really nice people but we just don’t become friends. It feels weird to me to read these posts because they make me think of me, empty.

  • For the first time in my life I am thinking about this I am in massive debt to point I can never pay it back and after I lost my self employed job in 2014 through nothing I did I started earning on online survey sites and kept on claiming working tax credits and did not tell them about the change as a way to pay other debts off I know I should not have done it but there it is and now I am 5 days away from a phone call where I can lie more or admit it and face another 20k of debt

    I have always been against taking of your own life but its crossed my mind the last week and I have even been looking at painless ways to do it which is how I came here

  • I’m 21. I thinking about suicide since im 12, but i never had the balls to actually do it.
    I don’t think my death would affect a lot of people. My parents maybe, but they the main reason why i’m in this situation so fuck them.
    My friends would get over it, i’m not that close to anyone anyway.
    I just feel like after all these years, i’m nothing more than a bundle of negative emotions. At this point i’m not sure if i’m even capable of having a meaningfull relationship with people, i never felt what love is like and lost contact to one of my best friends a while ago, weirdly enough it doesnt seem to affect ne emotionally. It’s like i don’t care about anything anymore. I’m not even sad, i’m just really exhausted, i want to close my eyes and never wake up again.

  • im almost 20 but I think ive heard just about enough…. ive hurt everyone I love and im not embarrassed to say im going to go through with it

  • Hey all, thanks to the creator of this website. I am sick of living too. I have Asperger’s and Borderline Personality Disorder. No sooner than I think I feel better, I get on a bus and have a day out. Then, out of the blue, some idiot gives me a dirty look, and I just come crashing down, again. I know what people think of me, hint here hint there and am just sick of it. Still single at 47, not had a girlfriend in many, many years and I’ve had absolutely no luck on dating sites.
    I can’t hold down a job because of my mental health issues. I tell my brother of my issues many times during the week, and he listens and suggests things, good things. I want a social life, and want to work, but I just can’t take people giving me dirty looks or smug grins any more. I feel that just one day I’m going to seriously hurt someone who gives me a dirty look. I don’t, but I come back home, isolate myself, punch walls, research ways to kill myself, then call the Crisis Team again.

    I want out, at least go on a killing spree and kill all those who give me smug grins and dirty looks, then just kill myself

  • Lately no one is really there for me when I really need them everybody sees what I do wrong I’ve tried my whole life doing things that makes others happy that I neglect my own today Im even in a far more worse state than other days and I am willing to take my life today no listens to what I have to say no one listens or cld care less about the challenges I face daily

  • at 61 I feel like my world has come to an end I am tired and just want out ! life just sucks and my family truly hates me so not being here might make them happier.

  • I’ve wanted to die since I was 5. I’m now 13, 8 years of agony and self harm. If this isn’t actually what it says then why didn’t you just say “DONT DO IT ITS NOT WORTH IT” seriously if someone wants to die so badly that they search it up, let them do it, it’s their choice you don’t know their life.

  • I feel like it’s not fair for me to feel this upset, I have a gf a good family and home. Everyday whenever I’m not fully focused on something I wanting to just stop existing, the only feeling I have whenever alone is pain and after a few years I managed to talk to my parents about it but they say it’s all in my head and to just meditate. Meditating didn’t work and I don’t wanna tell my friends or anyone cos I hate it when people feel bad for me and I’m scared they will get annoyed that I haven’t got a reason to be sad or they will say I just want attention. I told them I thought I was depressed a couple of years ago and they brushed it off so idk

  • I’m a born again Christian. If you think that alone will make you not want to kill yourself you’re wrong. I love the Lord. But right now I hate myself so much that if I could somehow separate myself into two people I’d off the other right now if it only meant I could just evaporate afterwards. If that makes sense, fine. If not, okay. I’m just talking.

    I’m a guy who has struggled his whole life to be successful. I am now. I got a job that pays nearly twice what I was earning in my last job. If you think that will not make you want to kill yourself, you’re wrong.

    My problem is I push people away. I have a great family, a beautiful wife and an incredible son. I should be happy. But I do things out of stress that push them away. I’m trying to get used to my new job and honesty, there’s no stress there. I’ve got a great, supportive bunch of coworkers and I think the world of them.

    Now because of my big mouth and my inability to control my vitriol when someone says something to me I don’t like I go “slack off”, as my wife puts it. She’s numb now. It’s my fault. And now that I finally mouthed off once too often to her she doesn’t want to move up to where I’m working during the week. In fact she told me just about an hour and a half ago that she applied for some jobs today and they weren’t here where I am right now.

    It’s always my fear and anxiety that causes me to mouth off. Believe me, when somebody has a smart mouth, it’s not because they have confidence. Not at all. They actually have zero confidence. None in themselves, none in the people they should be close to. I know from reading the Bible that the tongue is the wildest, most dangerous thing on earth. It will destroy you if you let it.

    Well, now that I’m finally witnessing a dream of mine in becoming an engineer come to life, my real life is dying two and a half hours away from me. My heart has died.

    I want to die right now. No amount of apology, no matter how much I’m taking ownership of my faults and issues, no matter how sincerely I apologize, is making any difference. She has had it with me and I don’t blame her. I wouldn’t want anything to do with me either.

    Watch your words. Watch your tone. Watch what you say. They’re causing you harm if you’re not speaking in love and a genuine sense of warmth.

    I’m seriously trying to think of a way to just end my life tonight. I don’t want to cause a mess. But I’m in a hotel and the way I figure, someone will find out eventually. I just don’t know how to do it and I don’t know if the miracle will happen before morning to change my mind this time. All I know is I’m realizing my problem too late. And without my family, no matter how successful I am, I don’t want to live.

  • Some people have their reasons to want to die. But I feel like I just don’t want to be here. Things aren’t that bad. In fact, things are very good comparatively. But I see the world, I see people… I don’t like them. I don’t like how I am feel I see this world. I can’t change the world, and I can’t control how the world sees me. The only thing I can change is whether I am seen.

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