I Have No Friends! Why Doesn’t Anyone Like Me?

I have No Friends

Have you ever noticed how some people seem to make friends like it is the easiest thing in the world? People seem to naturally like them and be drawn to them? Have you ever felt like no matter how hard you try, no matter how ‘nice’ you are, no matter how far out of your way you go to accommodate people, you always feel like you’re stuck on the outside of other people’s ‘friendship bubbles’ peering in?

By far the most common issue with our member is feeling like nobody cares – that there is nobody to talk to and that nobody likes them. The struggle to make friends, whether you are still in school or whether you are an adult, is a very real one for many many people. You are far from alone if you feel isolated and lonely.

It is a well documented fact that loneliness is a deadly condition. It contributes to poor health, lower life expectancy and, of course, a massively increased risk of suicide. It is easy to conclude that there is something ‘wrong’ with us, especially when we compare ourselves with people we think are socially superior or quite simply more ‘likable’ than we are. Sometimes it’s easier to tell ourselves we are defective than it is to take a good hard look at our lives, figure out what the ‘real’ problem is, and take steps to fix it.

I Need to Talk To Someone.

If you need someone to talk to – if you need some immediate social interaction and to not have to face the pain and despair alone, join our forums – we have hundreds of active members every day who understand exactly what it is like to feel like there is nobody to talk to, all helping and supporting each other.

Button

Often online interaction is far easier for people who have spent a long time isolated and alone. Having time to think through what it is you want to say, being able to delete and reword things until you are happy with them, and even not having to be self conscious about body language and ‘looking awkward’ makes online friendships easier and less stressful for many people. But the truth is that online friendships, wonderful as they often are, do not make up for a lack of rel life human interaction. The first step to fixing any problem is to really understand what is causing it, so its time to ask yourself:

Why DO I Have No Friends?

People end up feeling friendless for a number of reasons, and none of them are that there is something fundamentally wrong with you. if you are isolated and lack social interaction, there is most likely a reason for it. I don’t know you – I don’t know anything about your life. But after years and years of talking to hundreds of our members who struggle with friendship and socializing, there are a few common reasons.

Why Does Nobody Like Me

Social isolation is often caused by one or more of the “D’s” – Distance, Difference, Depression. For many people on SF, it is all of these things; they may have physically moved away from friends (or friends have moved away from them) or may simply be in a place where any social groups or activities are some distance away from them. Equally, they are often very different from their old friends, or from people who they meet in their day to day lives, making it difficult to strike up conversation of find common ground. The most common issue, however, is that their depression lies to them, causes them to isolate themselves from people either because they believe they are hurting them, or because they believe they are disliked and unwanted by everyone.

Distance

Distance is one of the hardest issues to overcome. Continuing friendships over a long distance takes a lot of commitment and energy and very often, much like Long Distance Relationships, friendships that involve a several hour journey to hang out do not stand the test of time. Even if they do, it is impossible to see that person on a week to week basis so it does not help with normal social interaction when our friends are so far away. If distance is a problem for you – if there simply are no people in your vicinity with whom to strike up conversations or find activities that you enjoy, you may need to take a serious look at moving. It is never as easy done as said, and takes planning and investment (both in terms of energy and often money) but sometimes it is necessary to treat finding a fulfilling social life the same way as you would treat finding a job. if there are no opportunities where you are, it is better to look at moving than it is to remain unemployed (or in this case, friendless). Distance is nothing you ‘did wrong’ but it is a changeable circumstance. Maybe not this week or even this month – but of all of the ‘reasons’ that people are isolated and friendless, it is often the easiest to fix.

Difference

Friendship is built, fundamentally, on having something in common with someone. If you do not have anything to talk about that both parties find interesting and engaging, you are going to struggle to have a genuine relationship. Similarly, if you do not like doing the same things, you are going to find it difficult to spend time together. You need to figure out what it is that you like to do, then work out where the people who also like those things are. Look for clubs, groups, activities. Go online and dedicate some time to research. Then go to those places. And, if what you come up with as a list of the things you like to do is along the lines of ‘play video games and get drunk/high’ then accept that in order to find meaningful friendships you are going to have to make meaningful changes in your life.  Ask yourself if you need to expand your horizons and find new interests and hobbies in order to make friends.

There is a long propagated myth that to be ‘liked’ and have friends, all you have to do is “be yourself”. Unfortunately this ignores the fact that social and cultural conventions evolve because there is an acceptable way to behave. People like people that they can relate to and understand. If you go out of your way to be different and to not ‘fit in’ then it stands to reason that you are, in fact, not going to fit in. It may be (however much you do not want to) that you need to take a look at yourself and the choices you are making and figure out if you are limiting your potential friendship pool by making a conscious choice not to be approachable or relatable.

Depression

Depression and anxiety lie to us. They tell us that people don’t like us, don’t want us around and that we are better off alone. This is by far the hardest issue to content with because it is not just a situation or a choice you are fighting – it is a mental illness. I have personally stayed home or avoided a social gathering more times than I can possibly count because I feel worried, out of place and convinced that people don’t want to talk to me anyway. From years talking to other people with similar mental health problems to me, it is obvious that I am far from alone.

People often become ‘friendless’ because they repeatedly turn down invitations or blow off events and people simply stop inviting them. It is understandable for people to feel that YOU are rejecting THEM when you stand them up or cancel them at the last minute, or simply refuse to make plans at all. By isolating ourselves, we push ourselves deeper and deeper into a situation we cannot climb out from and we erode our social skills by locking ourselves away.

If this is you – and there is no shame in it, if it is – the number one most important thing you can do for your feelings of isolation and loneliness is see a doctor – get help. If possible, get some skills focused therapy to help you rebuild your self confidence and your social skills. And, as often as you can, “do it anyway”. Go to the social event anyway – even if you know it will be horrible and stressful – even if you know you will not enjoy it. Depression and anxiety make these things hard but the longer you do not do them for, the harder they become. It is important to remember that however hard it is, it is not impossible, even if it feels that way.

For support, friendship and advice – join our community and visit our forums and chat rooms. We have thousands of members who understand what it is to feel unwanted, friendless and alone. We want to help you.

Forums and Chat

(Visited 9,128 times, 4 visits today)
Tags from the story
, , ,

15 Comments

  • Thankyou so much for this website, I am so glad I have found it. Every word I have read on here so far has been 100% in tune with the reality of my existence now. I don’t have Internet except on my phone & have to watch my data allowance but now that I have found this site it will be my priority & i hope my lifeline. I don’t feel confident enough to post anything on the forum today but I hope I will soon. Thank you again for your insight & wisdom.

    • I am so happy you found our community. It took me a while too before I was confident enough to post on the forums – but we are very friendly 🙂 stay safe Liz *hugs*

  • There is nothing wrong with being a loner…It gets old to read and re-read these types of articles.

    I have trust issues, sure, but for good reason. I choose to just trust my spouse and kids. I’m much happier in solitude…so why do people feel the need to imply that I’m “broken?”

    There has to be another perspective

    • I agree completely with the premise that there is nothing wrong with being a “loner”. I have a similar small tight circle consisting of immediate family and a couple other close long time friends and would prefer to be alone rather than spending time with other “acquaintances”.

      The issue is not whether you have no friends or 5 friends/family or 50 friends- it is what you want or what you need to feel happy and supported. I do not take these types of articles to imply that I am broken or something wrong because I prefer this smaller group- because I am happy and do not wish I had more friends / do not desire more friends or feel left out. These type of articles are directed at the people that do not feel content with the number or quality of friends and towards either encouraging them to find peace with the number of friends they have or encouragement at reaching out to get more.

      If you are happy and content with a part of your life there is no point in changing it despite any “norms” which are averages made up from both ends of the spectrum, and you or I are perhaps at one end but so long as not sad or lonely then is not an issue.S long as you do not need to convince yourself that you are not lonely and genuinely feel content there is nothing to be changed or reason to change it- “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it”

  • Bullshit. My friends have stopped talking to me. Every woman I meet wants to know everything about me at first but then they get what they want or decide I’m not worth knowing. I’m actually a good and nice person. I’m not a saint, far from it, but I’ve given so much of myself, been genuine, open, honest, and have had a couple of seriously fantastic connections, so much in common, never a quiet uncomfortable pause, lots of laughter, lots of awesome stuff that’s supposed to happen in order to establish any type of relationship and every time – they reject me. I try reaching out, the proverbial olive branch extended, but then I get threatened with police, order of protection – and mind you, Im not a person who calls or texts relentlessly. 4 texts in 8 weeks – and all of a sudden, I’m not just rejected but threatened. People have become so disassociated – disconnected, take a look around you… Everyone has their noses glued to a screen. The last woman I went on a date with noticed all the people around us at the restaurant who were all glued to their phones. She even said she thought it was very sad that they were all out with friends, family, possibly new loves and all of them would rather pay attention to their phone, to social media, rather than engage and connect with the people they were out with. I was so excited and happy that she saw that. She kept her phone face down on the table (she has 2 kids so I didn’t hold that against her) and we had a fantastic time. We connected. She told me she wanted me around. She liked me. I impressed her. And for almost 2 weeks after that date I held on to serious hope that I had finally met someone who was like me, was genuine, cared, was kind, all the good stuff – and I accepted her flaws, baggage, weaknesses because none of us is perfect. Then… rejected, ghosted, refusal to tell me anything. I’m not able to make sense of any of this. I can’t stop crying, feel like I’m worthless, and there’s no one to talk to about it. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t take the amount of pain that manifests into physical pain from emotional pain. I am drinking on a daily basis now. I hadn’t been drinking at all. I cared about staying healthy. No more. All I keep thinking about, aside from her – is how much different she felt. Ive never felt that level of connection with someone before. It was like a solid frozen titanium rope. She told me she’d never felt anything like that before. She made sense. She honestly made perfect sense. It was like all the things that I really liked / enjoyed about my exes – she had all of their combined qualities, and I thought maybe that’s it, maybe our exes prepare us for that one who will make ‘sense’. But again, it doesn’t matter, because she rejected me. I don’t understand any of this any more.

    • Your post is the only honest and truthful assessment of this shithole we call a world. I used to try, I used to care but now I just exist waiting for it all to end. I’ve been through it all seen every doctor heard every lie taken every pill but the truth is simple. There is no hope.

    • You Are Not Alone…

      Everything you just depicted in these words were just… Truthful! And that is what counts!

      I am going through the same motion as you are (Probably for the rest of my life at this rate, because it sure as hell feels like it… And I hate it…)

      You test yourself, you keep hoping that something will change because you “Changed” for that situation/person… Anything!

      So there should be A opposite reaction… Right? (Kinda based around Newton’s Law… Which in this case, feels like in utter Bullshit as you said.)

      But it always goes to no avail. Something inside you is ‘Wrong’ with you that nobody ‘Else’ has…

      Some… “Quality” that makes you unique yet broken at the same time… So you shield it from others in “Hope” (Key word) that someone would take that “Quality” for granted… Or at least notice.

      Instead, you can’t help that this… ‘Thing’… inside you, is draining every essence of the good things that made you use to love about yourself, (And what others loved about you) are taken away from you! It’s of course obvious to you… But completely oblivious to others! (Which goes to show with the Life lesson: “You don’t know what you truly have… Until it’s taken away from you”)

      Which leads to this… Some sort of “Illusion” that nobody cares about you… What You done for them… and that makes you seem “Deluded” (Which if you’re self aware like me… Also makes you feel F*ckin bad… For something your not!) So you blame yourself at the end of it… When it was nobody’s fault to begin with. It just… “Happend”

      This may seem very confusing to most people.

      And possibly even for you as the way I describe things is almost “Story Like” and it makes me feel pathetic… But that’s the “Shield” aspect of me. I don’t “Want” you to know… I just want… Something? I guess… Whether it be “Loved” or “Noticed”.

      In all honest truth… I don’t know what I want anymore… The easiest answer to that question for me straight up would to be: “Just Happy!” (Because who wouldn’t want to be?)

      But Life has A twisted sense of Humour…

      So, we start blaming others (Either blatantly or secretly in our heads like me… that it’s “Their/It’s fault!” Which is not the Truth!) of this “Quality” we have. Whether be at friends or family… Or just yourself.

      Questioning why you deserved this? Even when you know other people got it WAY Worst than what you do…

      Unlike Physical pain…

      Mental pain is far more worst than what it can be explained by text.

      Physical pain at least, is “discoverable”… However our own Human minds are yet to be discovered.

      So how can one “Fix” something that one doesn’t even know? It just seems… Impossible or just plain stupid?

      But nothing is impossible… Anything can happen. So I hold onto that “Hope” and I think you, and possibly many do to. As we keep throwing ourselves in the way for everyone. Even if there isn’t any reward from it.

      This is our “Quality” we should love about us and not… “What we are not or used to be!”

      We seem like the most truthful, loyal and lovable Human beings, so how could anyone hate us?

      We don’t… Because there HAS to be more of us out there!

      I’m glad I found at least one on a comment that gives me more Hope… Even if I haven’t met a single person like you in real life, but at least I KNOW they’re out there… Somewhere!

      Just remember to keep at it! Stay truthful (I’ve been failing at that part, but I’ll fix it!) and SOMETHING!

      Just that “Something” WILL happen… We will never know when or how or why… But you will never know if you just “Stop”.

      Remember this “Quality” inside anyone? Could be in anyone! (I’m 17 years old, that has never even experienced having A Girlfriend and has no friends for god sake…) You are never truly alone, and so I hold onto that as much as I can.

      Embrace it! Because most people don’t have it. Which makes you more special. (But that doesn’t mean it gives you the right thinking that “You’re Better than them”. Instead, Just “Be The Better Man” Yourself… Not others.)

      I hope this comment comes off helpful as it probably just came off as edgy and cringy, which I can just say: “Ha… F*Ck you too!” 😀

    • About the fact that you hope that people should focus on their dates other than their phone i totally agree with you . Face to face connection is more amazing than what you can have on social media . One thing i wanna tell you is Pls Don’t hurt yourself anymore . I can see that you are so sincere to build a relationship with the girl you mentioned , if she doesn’t like you back , it’s not your problem . Let go of it and live for yourself , don’t burden yourself by assuming that you are not good enough . Don’t let yourself get underrated , we are all unique in our own ways . You have to focus on what you have and hold on to the bit of positivity in you and let it shine ! Love will find you . Best wishes to you .

  • I’m glad I found this forum. I too, am a middle aged women who is all alone. Can’t seem to make friends here even though I have been here for 9 years since my divorce. Men don’t seem to want a real relationship anymore and even though I look way younger than I am, I can’t seem to find a friend let alone a nice guy. I’m not perfect but Im not hard on the eyes either. I feel like I am condemned to grow old all alone. My grown kids have deserted me literally and honestly, I really haven’t done anything to be abadoned by them too. Most days I think I am only still here because all my animals still need me but I’m so depressed. Feel like I’m losing my mind. I don’t use FB anymore because of just what you all said. It makes me more sad seeing how happy everyone else is and I don’t even have a real friend.

  • I can’t make female friends. Probably in the wrong area for that to happen. as a result, I’m so lonely that I feel God has left me too. I’m dying for some positive response. I’m in my forties I’d love to have a friend that age or younger. It seems I can’t seem to do anything to ease the loneliness I have felt. I can’t just pick up and go cause of lack of money. I take care of elderly parents. They don’t seem to be my friends either. One makes fun of me at times the other resents me. the sad thing is I need other friends besides them. as a result, I feel quite hopeless. I’ve tried prayer.

  • I feel like that I will grow old completely alone. it seems no one loves me right now. wishing so much for a female friend.

  • It makes me sad I don’t have a real friend either. I feel kind of ‘done’ too and I’m past my thirties. My thirties was a rather lonely decade if you ask me even though I was fairly happy with what I liked to do. I didn’t have a single companion to chat with to talk with to hang out with and I have felt sad at the passage of time. I’m wondering how much more time will be wasted before I find anyone who is ‘right’ for me as a friend. I have become rather bitter and hardened too because all that time I’ve had to endure stinging remarks without cause and without emotional support. Can you imagine what life is like without emotional support? yeah it’s a downer of a life. just telling you.

  • I wish I had someone to talk to. I don’t know how to handle mixed signals from people and can’t tell if they just tolerate me or if they actually want me around. One moment they reject me after I have extended a hand of friendship, the next moment they wonder why I’m quiet and not speaking. The the is, I’m apart of a lot of social groups and still feel completely alone. I go to church, I dance, I sing, and I work a 9-5 have a huge family and still feel alone. It makes me question whether or not something is wrong with me. I don’t have much conversation and am a rather simple thinker. I’m not into top names brands clothes and weaves. I’m a married black adult female who likes to play video games and talk about natural hair. That’s the just of it. Im an odd ball. Average. Not exceptionally smart or exceptional in any way. I’m a person of faith but I feel that maybe I have done something wrong that has marked me as unfriendable. Typically people who do want to be friends end up just using me.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.