Making Suicide Look Like an Accident

What is it like to want to commit suicide? To want to die in a horrible accident rather than face another day? What do you do when it hurts so much to be alive that you would rather not wake up ever again than face another day? You think about ending your life and the guilt overcomes you so badly that you feel like a monster. Even considering the only way you can think of to stop the pain seems wrong because you realize the truth of the fact that suicide does not end the pain- it just transfers it to those around you. Then you feel like there really is no way out- living life feeling the pain you feel every minute of the day seems impossible but unleashing that pain on others seems equally impossible and you suddenly feel more trapped than ever before in your life.

Somewhere in the midst of that despair comes forth an idea. What if I kill myself in such a way that it looks like an accident? After all, people die all the time – it is sad but we get over it and it does not have the same stigma of “suicide” and maybe it will hurt a little bit less to those I leave behind (that claim to care but I am not really sure they do). Maybe they do not realize it but they would be better off without me anyway. Maybe it is life insurance to end the financial troubles, maybe it is because our moods and depression or anger and outburst make those around us hurt already. It might be in our mind if we were gone then the wife or husband could meet a better person be more able to provide for the kids, or the parents would not have to support you and worry anymore.

These and thoughts like these have probably gone through your head many times if you found your way here and are reading this. They all have occurred to me many times in the last few years since I got sick. The reason they are in your head might be different – financial problems, loneliness, divorce, break up, abuse, alcoholism, addiction, mental illness, hundreds of possibilities (or even just horrible soul killing depression without any specific cause you can point to as a reason) but it does make them any less real or easier to deal with.

The reason is really not that important- if you were able to think of a way to fix it you would have and since you can’t now you are trying to figure out how to make the pain stop, and just maybe not to have to let the world ever know what happened. There is a very good chance you have spent a lifetime of holding it in and keeping the real truth a secret- so making suicide look like an accident would just be the same as that fake smile you put on to go to work or school every day. Just the next (and final) lie you say to try to protect others from your pain and yourself from facing the truth.

The hard part of all this is remembering- it never really did do any good to put on that fake smile. It may work for some or in some situations, but it did not for you because here you are still looking for a way to make the pain stop and still looking for a way to make it look like it was never there. Just like the fake smile did not make the pain stop for you – it just made it harder for others to see, making suicide look like an accident does not stop the pain on others, just makes it harder for people to understand why they hurt so much. Whether declared an accident or suicide does not change the last days / weeks / months with these people. They still feel or know that something was wrong and still have no way to ever fix that- simply to live forever with it unresolved.

While you are considering the “accident” to try to stop the pain, you are not stopping the pain at all- you are simply negotiating your spouse’s, children’s, or friend’s pain. It is not stopping the pain, it is you deciding how much pain they should feel or that you are okay with causing them. How many times in your life when thinking of others, truly thinking of others- do you start bargaining and negotiating how much pain it is okay to lay on another person? And still think what you are doing is a righteous or good thing?

The real truth is all suicides are accidents. Nobody purposely made decisions intended to cause so much pain they would rather die than wake up. Nobody let things build to a point that it was all intolerable, or asked for so many issues to be visited upon them they could not deal with it anymore on purpose. The fact you feel like this at all is the culmination of a series of accidents. While feeling so alone and in pain you would rather die is not your fault, the things causing that amount of pain are making you unable to see that killing yourself (accident or not) is not going to end that pain. If successful at best it takes your and pain adds to it and then passes it on to many others, letting that pain multiply and grow like some vicious weed choking the life out of all the once strong beautiful plants around it.

I have been very sure in my life that nothing else could ever stop that pain, nothing else would ever make things even a little okay again. I have seen thousands of others on the forum feeling the same way. We were all wrong. When things have gotten better and then there is another downturn we all said “see -it never gets better and even if it does it gets worse again” but the reality is that just a few days either way before or after that feeling that feeling had changed. Unfortunately, it is that hopeless feeling that we choose to cling to and nurture that is causing the pain, not the life around that feeling.

Suicides that look like accidents? It is fool’s gold at best. A way to put on the fake smile that never fooled you nor anybody else in your life and then trying to continue that lie into death. It does not make it better. I will tell you what I know about accidents and suicide. I know several people that have started a suicide attempt and called for help-, but the help was too late. The permanent damage or death was already done. In fact in near every suicide case I am personally familiar with they tried to reach out and get help in the end- they tried to not die- but that is when the accident happened. That is when it was too late to fix and then came the accident, so commonly called tragedy like every accident, and they died finally wanting nothing but to live.

There will be comments left on here complaining about the “you did not tell me about how to make it look like an accident” with expletives. There are on other posts too, though for some reason the person chose to read to the end knowing that it was not going to be in there. Asking how to make suicide look like an accident is no different than asking about methods to die- the real truth anybody could think of many ways without a pause. You are not searching for a way to make suicide look like an accident or searching for a way to die– those are both way too easy and any 12 year old could list a dozen ways. You are searching for a way to make the pain stop.

The pain can stop and life can be better. It is not easy and it is not going to change overnight. The answer is different for every person because every life is different so you can’t get your answer in 1000 words when you haven’t found the answer in months or years or searching for it on your own- I am not smarter than you. It will not happen without you letting some things change as well. You can’t keep everything the exact same and suddenly feel differently about it. But life can change and the pain can stop and there can be contentment and happiness. You just need to spend as much time and diligence on trying to figure out the method you need to change your life as you are on searching for methods and ways to die.

The method to change your life is actually something that you might be able to find some help with and that you do not already know 10 ways in your mind. That is what you are searching for and trying to find how to live and how to stop the pain. If you think I am lying then tell me that there were not just at least 2 or 3 ways to make it look like an accident when you commit suicide in your mind as you read this or searched this topic, but here you are reading and searching like there were none. There are nearly 40,000 members on SF that do and have felt the same, and they are getting better. Not all, not every day, but the majority get here looking for how to die, and yet days, weeks, even years later they are still here. And life is better, because if it was not they would not be here either. Talk to people that care now. 


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    • But what if u don’t want help the only reason I’m here is because I don’t want ppl to think I was weak and ended it because I don’t or didn’t care. But I feel iv tried an tried to make my life work and it simply doesn’t and from what I gather I just bring every1 around me down I don’t want to continue this way id rather just not wake up tomorrow and it to b put down as a heart attack or Something natural rather than suicide that way I think ppl can get over it.

      • do you ever feel like there is one person keeping you from killing yourself?My sister does she is a year younger than me and i don’t want her going down the same way so i am trying keep her out of trouble but id don’t work sometimes if my sis wasn’t alive i would be dead

        • Same is true for me. the only reason I have resisted the urge to kill myself for the past 5 years is my sister. I am afraid that if I take any harsh step, she will be put under unnecessary interrogation and I do not wish her to go through that shit. But not being able to kill myself is killing me and those who care about me even more. I knowingly do things that are bad for me and put myself in situations I know will cause me hurt and harm. My mind is fucked beyond my own senses, and the worst part is I know all of it and I kinda find it funny and pathetic and still I do not take any steps to change things. Would it be okay if I just ran away and started things over? But for that I need all of my documents and my parents are controlling/have half of my documents. I feel so stuck. I just wanna live alone, if I can’t die… How do I make them understand?

          • i am in the same situation. im staying becuase im too scared to leave. sometimes i wonder if i really am in pain, or if im just making excuses to make up for how much i hurt others. i just want it to stop. i want to stop. all ive ever done is push others away from me, and maybe by pretending im depressed, i have an excuse for why im so fucking messed up. im not sure anymore. i just want it all to end. i want to stop hurting others, but im too weak to change anything.

    • L.I.F.E. = Losing Infintely For Eternity. I hate Life in general and I look forward to the end. Sick and Fed up with Most People, a Job where pay cuts and Lazy People abound, Abusive Police harrassment, and a Sick World. I never wanted to be here; I just want to leave permanently!

    • Thank you for this. Probably wouldn’t have been able to do it anyway, logistically, and I think deep down I knew that I’d cause more pain than anyone around me currently experiences by dying, but yeah. I’m far better off thinking about how to better my life, and by extension that of those who care about me, than I am thinking about killing myself. I mean, we’ll see if in the future I have to worry about the pain of others, but for now my only option is becoming something they can be proud of.

    • This is very pretty but thats all it is, pretty. People dont talk about suicide becasue of the risk being called attention seekers. Thats why so many people kill themselves without even a word.

      My poor girlfriend has suffered enough from me. Every night I wish that i would die in my sleep. I think of things so sad that i want my heart to stop. I look at the clock every minute as if i’m waiting to clock off life but I have no where to go, no reason to live and this article probably helped some people and i hope it did but to paraphrase Anonymous “Life isn’t worth living.”

    • I looked at the time of your post. Classic depression time. Life sucks, yes. Things happen, true. But, you came to this site for a reason. I feel the same. Is it worth it? Maybe yes. Maybe no. Is there just a small piece of you that wants to find out? I think so. Good luck and I hope you wake one morning at 3am and feel that bit of “maybe yes”. Take care.

    • I agree. There are several people I started to write my suicide letters to tonight. I found a lot of unfinished business and anger. So much anger that I didn’t want to give them any words. Then I realized all the anger is my fault. I’m about to be 3 years sober on 8.16.17, I was thinking that would be a good day to go. I don’t know why the universe decided to give me these 3 years. The only thing good I did was bring a beautiful child into the world. Of course the thought comes to mind that I should stay around for her. But how would someone as messed up as this suicidal mom be good for her? I’ve tried antidepressants, done the 12 steps, I’m still a piece of crap. I only bring people pain and an occasional laugh. I’ve searched online for ways to make suicide look accidental without drugs. Then realized, I don’t really want to be dead. I just want to be alone where I don’t cause anyone pain in anyway. Like on an island where people could interact with me if they wanted but know it’s dangerous to them emotionally. My mom’s birthday is 7/17. I can’t do it before then. I don’t want anyone to know I feel this way, I don’t want to be locked up in a psych ward but I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I am toxic and can’t seem to make it stop.

      • I feel the same way. My mom when I was 10….your little girl needs her mom. Please seek out treatment. I am receiving treatment but couldn’t afford my meds this month. I have PTDS so bad that I almost beat someone tonight. They were fighting in a parking lot…it set me off and I went after them with a piece of wood. I feel evil inside. Like I’m so damaged I’ll never be ok. I don’t know what will happen. I don’t want to leave that pain with my kids. I’ve been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease and I’m in constant pain. So I will plan it and talk to my kids. Good luck.

    • Can I say something .I normally Don’t comment but everyone has a limit my baby daddy finally pushed mine I was already fucked up before our baby but it’s my fault I never walked away I’d rather live in pain we each suffer cuz we choose to be our biggest enemy …our selves i have never been big on religion but one thing is for certain we are God cuz each one of us carry unexplainable energy not one single person shares or imitate.. my baby daddy was never a piece of shit we have the power to walk away , pick up that phone or ignore negative energy.. I made it to that peace we seek and it is everything you dream about it isn’t crowded I didn’t wanna return but Sometimes you r soul or whatever memory you hold knows what you need testing our bodies I awoke from a two week coma I had meningitis for sure goner we are here to share love give love fuck love Don’t stop pushing cuz when you fall nobody’s picking you up but yourself

  • I think the best advice for people like us (reading these and other related articles) is to give oneself grace time (24 or 48 hours) before doing anything.

    I was flabbergasted to have read in the above article that most all of the people the author knew that tried to commit suicide tried to reach out at the last minute; some successfully and some not. That is simply not true!

    I and I was never so much at peace with my decision. At that moment I could have called for an ambulance but I never fell asleep more quickly or more peacefully. Now, waking up the next day feeling the way I did is another story. Of course, I did not think I would wake up but the effort was there and I did not have any regrets.

    I relate to everyone who has posted on this board. I sincerely feel each of their pain and hopelessness. I think one of the best phrases I have heard about this subject is simply – YOU CANNOT BE REPLACED!

    We are all different and certainly wired differently. We are of value whether we choose to recognize it or not. If we know that our suicide will hurt at least one person left behind then we know that we are precious to that person and likely many others.

    Stay strong everyone and remember that you are cherished by some out there!!!

    • but what if you know that you really are not? I mean of course, the parents love you no matter what. But what if they are always in pain because of you? What if you only cause pain to your wife? What if anyone you know stopped believing in you? In my case, it is not pain I feel. It’s not that i cannot endure my life. It’s simply the knowledge, that no one an nothing gets something good from the fact that I exist. My wife is going to leave me, I will of course wait until she did that. So then, when she’s got nothing to do with me anymore, it will be no difference for her if I’m dead or alive and there is no pain “transferred” to her. So i will get Life-insurance, and then kill myself and make it look like an accident, and she gets 500’000 bucks. My parents won’t need to worry about me anymore, and my “friends” won’t probably even notice that I’m gone, until they read about my death in the newspaper. Of course it will be painful for my parents, but it is already. At least it then will stop for them sometime. It’s really strange, i dont feel pain or sadness at all, I just see that I’m completely useless. So why not just die and even leave some financial help for the one I love?

      • As I parent who has lost a child I can tell you it NEVER stops hurting. After years it may become bearable but you always suffer and love a half life. I would rather a child put me in pain every day than even think about losing them. Please reconsider. Your life is worth so much more than you give credit for.

    • But right now i can not find any one who can cherish me and certainly, i can be replaceable, right? Everything is replaceable. And about what i have to do in life, surely there is someone out there who can do each and everything i am meant to do. If i go, i won’t have to keep up with struggle of not a smart enough brain and the idiocy. And my father and mother CAN find some one else to do what i am suppose to do, and the burden of growing me up and making me the way they want and the world needed will be lifted off of their shoulders. I already know my capacities has still not reached the level they want and i doubt it can reach that level of pure geniusness which is expected from me. They are far more better then me. May be with a lake of one person there will be some defficulties but anyone can cope up.

  • I’ve dealt with so much drama, my own family, pushed me out. I’m not a kid. I’m 55. I have grandkids. But my kids won’t drive 15 miles to let them visit. I’m disabled so I can’t always get out. I get ragged for not spending more money on them, as well as their parents. My recent boyfriend was 68 yrs old. He cheated on me. Every relationship prior to him, cheated on. I consider myself a very good person. I bend over backwards yet, I get hurt in return. I’ve had 3 immediate family members die. The youngest was 26. Accidentally OD. I ask God why couldn’t that be me? I’m miserable. I have no friends. I have no support system. I’m not on drugs. I don’t drink. I don’t cut or other things. I’m just miserable. I can’t find positive in any situation. Counseling doesn’t help. They want to admit me to a psych ward. What will that accomplish? Being surrounded by seriously ill people? More depressing. My Priest said certain suicides are brought on by a mentally ill person and forgiven, by God. I’m ready. I just can’t think of when. Or how. But life is not happy. Never will be and I’d rather chance going to heaven, rather than live on Hell, like I have for 55 yrs.

    • You sound so much like me. I am about to turn 55. I attempted suicide 32 years ago and was left with permanent brain damage. Not a day has passed since that I didn’t wish it had worked. I am still so profoundly depressed, hate being alive and hate every moment of my existence. Yes, the only people hurt by my attempt were the people who truely loved me. The person who contributed most to my initial depression and suicide attempt is my sister, and she is now trying again. For me it would be a win. I would no longer be here to be tortured, and she would no longer have her plaything to torture. She is a doctor. I think she must love to see people suffer. I am her primary target. I have PPMS (multiple sclerosis). Not once has she asked how I am. Anyone who says “oh don’t suicide, there is always another way, something better will come along, nothing can be so bad” has NO IDEA, makes me feel totally misunderstood, and contributes to my desire to end it all. If they really understood how profound the feelings are, why don’t they ask what they can do to help (not to assist suicide, but to provide practical support). They just don’t understand how pervasive, soul-destroying and exhausting clinical depression is.

    • I’m in the same situation. I’m 55 yrs old, on disability. I have no friends & I use to have a lot. I use to be outgoing & the life of the party. I was molested by a man & a 16 yr old boy when I was 11. I’ve been married several times, trying to find happiness. I was cheated on & beat on by all but one. I’ve been on drugs. On & off. I lost my best friend 25 yrs ago in a tragic automobile accident, my husband at the time was driving while intoxicated and my friend was in the automobile with him. I’ve never been able to forgive my ex for that. I have 2 sisters that could care less if I’m alive. I have 2 daughters, one that lives 2 hrs away that would do anything for me. I have one in the same town that treats me so shitty. She has my only 2 yr old granddaughter that I don’t get to see. My biological father denied me most of my life & is now trying to right that wrong. I loved being married but don’t date because of my health issues. I don’t want to burden anyone. It’s so hard. I want to work so bad but I’m unable to. I just keep asking myself…why am I still here? I could die & leave my daughter a good chunk of money that would help her with her problems. The only reason I haven’t already committed suicide is because I don’t want to go to hell, I want to see my friend again. I also think my daughter would have a hard time with it. I don’t know what to do!!!! I’m sick & tired of being sick & tired! I’m lonely. Sad. Depressed all the time.

  • The reason I am looking for a way to make a suicide look like an accident is because I made a promise to my children never to try again, but I am a cheater and a liar, and I’ve broken one heart already and have begun to break the heart of someone else I love. I don’t want to see the results of the screw up. I feel like I’ve crossed a line that can’t be uncrossed. I can’t take back what I’ve done already. I haven’t physically cheated but I’ve crossed the line where I know I won’t be forgiven by my husband. That’s why I need to go. I can’t bear to look into his face and tell him that I’ve been talking and making plans to be with another man. He’s a good man and I’m not a good woman, I’m evil, conniving and weak willed.

    • Big Red…Help me please! I thought I was a good person but right now I have made so many bad choices that I literally cannot breathe and I hurt so much! And I am so alone. My husband of 38 years is mad at me, even took his wedding ring off. My daughter has no time for me at all and this morning my son called and ripped me apart for something I thought was so innocent, but he is furious with Me! He accused me of putting his daughters in harm’s way, which I would NEVER DO! Life is too fucking painful. Please…i need this pain to Stop!

      • I talk from experience when I say , I’ve been angry and mean to my wife ( no violence ) . With only her help did I find out I’m bypoller 2 (sorry for poor spelling ) . I got some medicine for it and after 8 months I can finally talk and ask questions. I still have moments of low , and I remember to my self, make a positive change weather its a job , money , dirty house get up and start the change. What could happen…..LIFE GETS A LITTLE BETTER you have to start , something small worked/working for me. Doing house choirs made my wife happy and my kids thought the new me is much better their helping now. There are still bad days but you keep making a positive change. It hurts some days knowing my mental problem and my diabetes is taking a toll on ( 44 years of type 1 diabetes ) me so I look at my life, am I going to die sad and scared, HELL NO , I’m going to go for a walk and try to think of only good times and how I’m going to MAKE MORE GOOD TIMES ! Don’t give up now , talk to Dr. , and don’t be ashamed to ask for help , i was lucky, after getting help and learning to talk instead of yelling my life started getting better , slowly, but it keeps getting better. Try one change for me. Talk to your Dr. and tell him you need help , blurt it out to him so you can’t stop yourself from saying that. Follow through with it, it will be worth it. I hope you take this very cerise, i never open up to strangers about my health, EVER. Go right now snd make that call , if it doesn’t help you can call me a ass but make that call please. GO !

      • You are beautiful and i don’t understand what i am going to fully but i will still say it, u may feel like u r not needed but u r needed for yourself, and make world a beautiful place by helping others without any expectations back.

  • After reading this article. Has made me feel 10 times as guilty about taking my own life because I do have a very loving and supportive partner. I’m not sad about taking my own life which I know will happen someday.

  • I dont wish this pain on even my worst enemy. There are many people that contributed to this ultimate ending in my sorry excuse of a life over the years but I still don’t wish this pain on any of them. I can’t tell you how many times ive been in this exact spot searching and plotting for ways to
    end it all. Now 22 and much more sure in my decision I am going to succeed. Finally came to the realization nothing is going to get better. Ever. If you are currently feeling like me I sincerely hope you get better. That one person sees through your facade and offers a helping hand or just kindness. Whatever it is you need. Or maybe just yourself could pull you through it. Why rely on others? If I wasn’t such a sick and shitty person myself maybe I could have pulled myself through it. But I whole heartedly believe I was born this way. I was born to die Young and I’ve known it since I was a child. Somehow I always knew. It was always in the back of my head that I wasn’t to live to grow old. Truth is im a coward. Always have been a coward. And I will die one too. Finding a way to kill myself without leaving a soul a note and making it seem an accident is aknost more cowardly than killing yourself and leaving a note. Just please if you’re reading this and feeling the pain im feeling think it through. I’ve been thinking about this almost my entire life and am finally ready to take that leap. I’ve tried everything from counseling, to making life changes, to having children, to changing myself, to asking for help. Yet nothing seems to work. I believe I’ve tried my best to make it through but just haven’t been able to succeed like many things in my life. Shit look at me writing this long ass paragraph on some random forum on the internet like im someone special. I guess all im really trying to say before I go is please if you’re hurting try EVERYTHING in your power to make it better and to live on for you. Yourself. Or maybe people around you but mainly for yourself. And if you have heard it recently. I love you. You are loved. And you are wanted. I hope you win your battle.❤️

    • My first attempt was at the age of twelve, but I tied the knot wrong. long story short, I feel much as you do. the world hates me and thinks I’m a lousy person. my solution: stick around and wave my stinking ass beneath their noses every day. killing myself would just make the bullies lives easier.

      • Thanks Christopher. Well put: stick around and wave my stinking ass beneath their noses every day. killing myself would just make the bullies lives easier.

    • Please don’t do this. I really hope you haven’t. This made me fucking cry and if you can write this then you can at least do SOMETHING. Even if you have to cut yourself off from everyone who loves you to avoid hurting them you need to do something good with your life. Please.

  • “But life can change and the pain can stop and there can be contentment and happiness. You just need to spend as much time and diligence on trying to figure out the method you need to change your life as you are on searching for methods and ways to die.”

    Whoever wrote this, damn good job.

  • This is so true! I don’t want to die, I just don’t want to live in pain anymore. I especially don’t want to cause the ones I love to suffer.

  • I feel like I just have to end this. I feel worthless and useless and miserable and lonely and depressed. Name it!!! I feel like I am done with life already, I dont want to drag anybody else with my misery. Countless times i have tried to figure out why a loser like me has been born in the 1st place when all I could give people is disappointments? I dont feel like I have served my life’s purpose anymore, i feel lost. I am of no use to my family because i am jobless, my husband is not the same prince charming he was bcoz me, bcoz my head is a mess and i am a loser. Everything is my mistake and my fault! I feel trapped and suffocated with this loneliness and nobody knows, no one cares!!! But I fear God, I fear sin, I dont want to kill myself and commit sin, I dont want to burden the people i leave with guilt and pain. But I am just so done with my life, I want them to forget me and go on with their life and be happy without me…coz i know they are better of without me…You see, i have resorted to searching ways to die and make it look like an accident but reading this article it makes me feel guiltier and yet I still feel trapped. I just feel sorry for the way I am. I just need to get lost but how???

    • I feel the same. I do hope however that you are still alive! I don’t know why we feel this way. Maybe our hearts can only take so much. I do fear God and I love my children. But the others I have loved and love make it difficult to be alive in this world and feel any sort of joy.

    • But everyone has potential. Even if you don’t have friends, you still have people who will miss you, I guarantee it. Co workers, a boss, people you see every day in the places you visit, the people you interact with online. Even if the scar you leave isn’t as dramatic as a grieving mother or wife or husband or son, you will still leave a scar. Not only now but across time. You may think you have no hope of doing something good but you’ll never really know until the opportunity comes. You may be doing good right now without even knowing it. All these possibilities are burnt from existence if you turn the knife on yourself.

  • I feel like I want to disapear too. There’s to much stress in life. I have been on anti depressants since 14 and have thought about killing myself countless times. God has been my main reason I haven’t truley attempted it. I have had half ass attempts to cry out for help but thats it. Also, thinking about the ones I love stops me. Some of them are part of the reason I feel this way. I never thought I would actually do it but lately I am starting to think this is the way I am going to die. I feel weak and don’t have the support I need. I used to see a counselor but now can not afford it. I work my ass off but still do not have money to do anything. I feel like what’s the point. I feel stuck, stressed out and alone. My when I tell my husband and mom to lay off me I am depressed I get a response of I am depressed too. Pretty much shut up I dont care. Right now the only thing I feel like I have to live for are my kids. There the only ones I feel truly need me. I am looking for a way to stop this pain and stop feeling like this. I am on medication but that obviously is not working. No matter what I do I feel like I am going to be misrible.

    • Life is tough. Keep your head up. Because you are right those kids need you and that’s more important than anything or anyone else in this world

  • Screw you and your ‘transfer the pain’ BS. If there were physical symptoms that matched the mental agony I feel every second of every minute of every day then people would see and understand, it would be considered a mercy to end this chronic, horrific, endless agony. But you don’t, you just judge.

    • Exactly. Some people have no one. And even if they did, if they gave a crap, they’d know you were suffering and try to help. But no one really does give a crap. And my death will actually make my family’s life better with the insurance money. The ONE fuckin thing I could FINALLY do good for them. They will than me, secretly, I’m sure.

    • That is what I feel too. That no one would tell a person with the same level of physical pain to hang on etc..and yet I hang on. Physical pain where I can hardly move and emotional pain to match or exceed but I have s granddaughter….she depends on me. How old do they need to be before they can handle it. I look for an accidental fool proof way. I don’t know any….still looking.

  • I’m 43 yrs old and have 1 child that is alive. he’s 14 and thinks the world of me. he’s the only reason i have to live but is starting to show signs that are clear to me. i’ve failed him as a father. he’s become bitter and synical, just like me. i feel i have and am continueing to damage him. im trying to figure out a way to give my life as a sacrifice that will show him how much better he can become without me. he deserves better than i am, he just doesnt see it.

    • The “sacrifice” of your life will result in sending your son down a similar path. We damage our kids in some ways no matter that we try our best. You need to lead by example, in positive ways if possible. Let him learn from your strength, not your weakness. Whether we think we do a good job or not, we are our kids’ most important role models. You are doing way better as a parent than you think, just by being there.

    • Hi there,

      think about what example you will be setting for your son? He will see that it is acceptable for someone to throw his life away if the going gets tough. Your son needs you more than you will probably ever know. You will fail him if you throw your life away.
      Hang in there, please remember that you a valuable even if your heart may tell you something else. Losing a parent is hard enough but how is he going to cope with a loss due to suicide? Be there for him, support him in his endeavours, cheer him on in life, talk to him. Be proud that you have son. You want to be there when he gets married to the lady of his dreams. You want to see his and your grandchildren. Remember you are the only Dad he has. Please know that you are not an accident. Each human being is so valuable that Jesus the Son of God died for him.

  • I do want to die. I wake up every morning angry just because I woke up. All those around me wouldn’t miss me…those who are supposed to love me have called me more names and threw more caustic remarks at me than I can count. No body would miss me if I was gone, and not I do not tell people because it is my feelings and not a cry for attention. I just wish I could muster up the courage to do it

  • Thank you for your honest article , yes tonight I was looking for easy ways to die or ways to die so it would look like an accident and I found SF and your article.
    You are right I am trying to negotiate a way to lesson the suffering of those around me too, not that I recognized it until you wrote it clearly out….
    Yes things will get better and I can’t believe it right now but they will some how.
    At least I can read SF and see I am not alone and take the baby steps in accepting the pain and then hopefully letting it go?
    Just thank you for your article and another day .

  • Well I have no reason to live. I’m an only child and my mother passed away recently. My father however through guilt over the way he treated my mother, and my, all of my life has tried to rewrite the past. But a monster cannot keep up that mask and what happens when that mask slips.

    Well for me the mask has slipped, my father is trying to turn what little family I have against me trying to make out I’m such a bad person. I’m bad because I was unable to contribute to my mothers memorial stone. That’s his story now even though he cashed in on her insurance to more than pay for the memorial. I’m not allowed to place flowers on her grave because I didn’t contribute. Truth is he flipped because once the memorial stone was finally finished he didn’t like the fact that I didn’t want him to put plastic, cheap plastic at that, flowers on her grave. He totally lost the plot.

    What can I do, it’s a knife to my heart. My mother was so important to me and to think he can do this to his only son, lie and twist things to make him look the better person while he is just a guilt stricken bully, a bully is a bully and will never change.

    I have no fight left, none. I have spent my entire life fighting against his bullying, fighting at the way he treated my mother, the jealousy of my mothers friends. He actually tried to stop my mothers lifelong best friend from visiting her in hospital. Not a nice man, but like most wife beaters and bullies it’s all behind closed doors. To the world he’s a top bloke, dependable and well liked. But he’s just a monster, my father.

    He thinks I’m interested in my so called inheritance and today after disowning me telling me I’ll get nothing thinks it will tip me over the edge. Well part of it has but what he doesn’t realise it’s nothing to do with anything financial but the fact that although a monster, my so called father has shown his true colours. It’s the fact that the penny has finally dropped. I’m now one I’m nothing and totally alone.

    I’ve been depressed on and off for over 20 years. I almost succeeded in 2005 in ending my life. It was not a cry for help, I knew exactly what I did. I told no one and took a morphine overdose. I parked up in a quiet spot and that was it the end. Unfortunately I’d had a phone call whilst in a drowsy state and (so I’ve been told) I gave no indication I’d attempted suicide the person (my then wife) thought that there was something wrong and phone the police. I do not remember the call, I do not remember being found and dragged out of the car, the stomach pump nothing. I just woke up in hospital. Did I regret my attempt yes but only because I realise the hurt I would leave my mother. My wife and I were already living separate lives and my only son was off the rails mixing with thugs and druggies (not bad for a 12 year old). So my life was just a wreck. Although things improved they were just paper over cracks. I’m divorced (mutual agreement) and the last 3 years I’ve been disowned by my son (how ironic that I’m now disown by my father). My son has and is a drug addict, he had a good job but the constant smoking or weed got him the sack but although I’m not supposed to know about this, no contact from him or his mother, I still try to keep an eye out. He after all is still my son. No matter how over the last 3 years he totally disprepected my mother and alienated her (something I will never forgive). He still my son.

    So I’m going to die, I know exactly how too, when and where but I have a problem. The problem is that I do not want to be a burden if I can help it. I have life insurance which will be more than enough to bury me and not be a burden to others so that has limits on the how, where and when. Don’t get me wrong, if in the next day or two I don’t come up with an alternative plan… Plan A it will be!!!

    So if anyone has practical advice on methods of suicide that look like accidental or natural death please feel free to comment. For those good people, yes I know your good because your going to try to stop me or even change my mind, please try to save someone worth saving, I’m not.

    I’m disabled, been on morphine pain medication for years, I’m alone even with people around me. I’m in constant physical pain as well as emotional pain and enoughs enough

    • Why do you care what your father says /does at your age? You can put flowers down or not- you do not have to ask his permission. Just like it is not your place to tell him what type of flowers to leave. You do not need to enter into discussions with somebody that is a toxic relationship for you and has been for 20 years or more- just stop associating with your father. For your son- it sounds like is still a teen- and teen sons that fight with father are the norm – not the exception. Be there if he wants you to be, share your wisdom and experience in a compassionate way and if he does not want to listen or gets angry move on until next time. It does not have to ruin your life- simply do not engage in the hate and and fighting- be above it. There cannot be a big fight and constant arguments / if both parties are not engaging- simply do not engage- live your own life and do for yourself as you choose.

    • Thank you so much for sharing your story, Mr. Richard. I know that “Sorry” doesn’t help, but I am very sorry that those things have happened in your life and that you have been feeling this pain for so long. I have also struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts for many years, but even so, I want you to know that I care if you live or die. You make a difference in the lives of those around you. I don’t know if you’re someone in relationship with God, but I am, and I want you to know I am thinking about and praying for you. Please know that, even when it feels like you’re the last person on this lonely planet, you’re not alone and there are still people who care. You matter to me, sir. Please keep breathing. It matters to me. I don’t know you, but I love you and I care. Please keep fighting. You can do this. You have proven that you are stronger than just about anybody out there; it’s clear just from reading your story. You can do this. Please don’t give up. You matter to me. You matter to this world. You are loved, even if all you can see or feel is distance or hate. You’re an incredible person; just reading your story tells me that. Please stay. Can you try to make it to 2018? I am looking forward to hearing back from you, Mr. Richard.

  • So what if you don’t want to die but have to? What if it’s more selfish to stay alive. My house will be foreclosed on soon and the only way out is life insurance. Isn’t it selfish to say your kids should be homeless so that you can live? my kids shouldn’t have to pay the price for my errors

    • Have to? Sorry- only 50% of people in US “own” a home- I do not believe renting a house instead of buying is a reason to die- and your kids will 100% be paying for your choice- not just for a couple months while moving- but forever. You are not helping your kids or anybody else and trying to pretend that is why and not that you are simply tired and decided it is easier to avoid and hide form problems rather than stepping up and dealing with the situation and making a better life for your kids is really sad.

  • It’s fucking hard!!! I have wanted to kill myself (on and off) for 25 years! How fucking pathetic for some one that’s 37 years old! I am a mother of 3 beautiful boys. This is my dirty secret. I am a empath and probably a doormat to the most important people in my life. My Mother, Ex,Husband,Children. The counselor I saw years ago said that I was a Pollyanna and just put on my rose colored glasses to see life the way I needed to see it. I do see it for how it is…it just hurts too bad, so I try to make it better, but it just gets worse. I choose people in my life that expect me to be perfect and when I can’t be they freak out and make me feel like I am not loved. I have chosen these people for some unknown reason, and when I can’t perform they make my life hell! My children have watched this for their entire lives and now see me as weak and treat me the same. The pain is unbearable and I’m so tired of living a life with this constant disappointment,pain and fear. I just want the pain to stop, truly that’s what I have always wanted. I just don’t want it to hurt and I don’t want my loved ones to know I killed myself.

  • I have had depression for over ten years and have finally recovered from it in September last year. I have been seeing an excellent psychiatrist and psychologist, but I still always return to this solution…i still want to die. No, I’m not depressed. I have wanted to die since I was 17 (now 33). The only thing that has stopped me is I don’t want to put my family (mainly my mother and brother) through any more tragedy than they have already had to endure. My father was murdered in an armed robbery 10 years ago, then 5 years ago my brother accidentally ODed on heroin. Yes, this traumatized me, but it is not why I don’t want to exist anymore. I am a burden on my mother, I cause her so much stress, anxiety and make her miserable. If I wasn’t here, she would have a much better, happier life. I have thought through very thoroughly all the pros and cons, and I still think she will be happier with me gone once some time passes. I just wish I could think of a way to make it look like an accident (to spare her the thought that her daughter committed suicide), that definitely guarantees death. I couldn’t think of anything worse than surviving with permanent disabilities or injuries. I need a guarantee the job will be done.

  • No one would miss me. Hell, most of my family would be dancing a hot jig if I kicked off. My few friends are far enough away where I’d never see them again even if I did live, so they’re not really out anything. My future prospects in life are bleak at best. I’m going directly to Hell anyway, so why keep the Devil waiting?

    • I would miss you. Your friends would miss you. Maybe they don’t see you, but they do have positive memories and thoughts of you and are comforted in knowing you’re alive. I have struggled with depression and thoughts just like yours for many years, so please don’t hear me trying to negate your feelings. That’s not it; I just know my brain has lied to me SO much over the years and I hope you are able to see yours is too. You would be SO missed. Why is it you feel you’re going there? Is it that you feel you’ve done wrong? Or that you’re not enough? Because, if so, I want to assure you that there’s nothing that you could possibly ever do that couldn’t be covered by the grace of God. There is nothing. You are loved and you matter!

  • I can tell now that I will kill myself. Not that nature has left me much of a choice. Some people are just not supposed to continue living. There was a time when I thought something otherwise might be the case, but now I realize that the whole time I labored under the illusion that I was living a life, I was really just growing into my coffin. I am not currently dead in frankly a bizarre occurrence of circumstance. It’s just a matter of how long now it will take to find the proper opportunity. If it takes 10 or 20 years, then that’s what it takes. My best hope is that my loved ones will not see or understand this process. But make no mistake: my death may be like 5 or ten years from now, but my suicide will be every day until that moment. You know how you know you’re ready to die? When you can’t think of a good reason you’d do anything else.

  • I am neither depresssed or lonely – I’m just tired of dodging nasty people. I have no children two brothers whose wives control them such that they don’t give a hoot. And after the first 40 years of life – being a close knit family – in the last 15 years I don’t seem to be anything enough to be part of that family. Maybe the sisters-in-laws started out just being possessive and jealous but now it has morphed into being unbearable. They have convinced my elderly parents that I’m an alcoholic and irresponsible but yet hold me responsible for all that goes wrong. I have no partner and no children and recently lost my best friend and sister to cancer, mind you she wanted to die as she endured the same ugliness from sisterinlaws as have I. She got her wish and I promised her I would follow her wherever she was but here I am still waiting. She is still missed by me and my parents but all others for a whole of two minutes in fact my sister’s-in-law don’t was us to even talk about her saying it upsets my neices. She was much more loved than I. I don’t condone suicide in any form but simply wanted to see what haphazard risks are acceptable ways to become dead – I just want to join my sister and beloved cousins. I just figure I had 40 good years as 15 horrible ones, I’d rather leave now than have another bad one but after reading this site – I guess I will just have to keep crossing road without looking.

  • Also anyone who has a child or children has a responsibility to keep safe for their sake. You don’t get to opt out regardless of the pain. If you feel that you are a burden to them because of your choices then stop being a burden. If they are tormenting you then stay in the background in case they need you. Remember you had a choice to have children and we privileged by the honor. They did not have the choice to be your child – there is no opt out option in that contract. !

  • 3 years ago life was good. family, money, fun, spirituality, meaning, satisfaction. Then medical induced mental illness struck and I had a massive breakdown. I was suicidal without knowing and and overdosed. I was taken abroad for a few weeks that ended up being more like a year. For 4 long months I overdosed many times by sheer recklessness coupled with a death wish. I could not access positive emotions at all. I was shocked how little I missed anything, home, kids, money, nothing mattered. Living half on the streets with a bag of drugs (prescribed, not that it makes a difference) and a bottle or vodka somehow took over because sobriety triggered a worse mental state. A state compatible to a bad lsd trip. After 4 months I was still here so I decided to try life again. Cleaned up, exercised, went home ready to go…Got back and home was hell. 2 years later its still hell, reactions like anxiety, depression and sadness are over the top. Lack of money and direction is killing me and i cant choose any path at all, although I keep looking. The dark thoughts in my had ask why on earth I survived all that mess. If I hadn’t at least my kids would remember a loving parent who took care of them and spoiled them from time to time instead of a neurotic mess. That was the absolute briefest version I could give.

  • I just want the pain to end. I’m worn out from the daily struggle. My children will recover from my being in an accident, just as they recovered from my husbands accident. My children will have a good inheritance, a good family home, and the ability to have a good start to their adult life. I don’t want to die, but I am loosing the strength to keep fighting. I know, however, if I were to die my children would be ok. I have made all the arrangements to make sure that they would.

  • I just feel weak, I have parents who love me so much but they just dont get me. I get out of bed every day after 1:00 because I’m afraid of feeling the hurt of what I’m not telling anybody and never will. Because if I tell them what I’m hiding I’m afraid they will hate me and disown me and they’re the only ones who really seem to care about me and it’s killing me. I want it to end but I want to go to heaven but I might be to far gone. I’m just in constant pain and have very few friends and I don’t even talk to them anymore it’s just so painful

  • I have a very loving family, my bro just got married and we are all very happy, but i am indifferent to life. I dont care if im dead or alive, and just now i tried to end my life by trying to fall from a motorcycle in front of a truck, but i dont have the courage to do so. I feel so empty and hollow, like i am void from any emotion.

  • My circumstances are such that dying by accident seems Too Perfect to me but i could not gather the courage for it. I wish i could soon.

  • I have done everything I know how to get well… antidepressants, counselling, crisis lines, hospitalizations, church, even electroshock therapy. I’m ready to die and leave everyone I know to find a better life (wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend) than I have been/ever could be. I have failed in every part of my life and have nothing more to offer those that rely on me. I can no longer provide financially for my family. I work in health care and as ‘understanding’ and educated about mental health as those I work with pretend to be, i will always be the psycho that had a nervous break down and got shock therapy. The only people who could ever truly understand this pain and guilt and overwhelming sense of failure are dead now. I want to see Jesus. I want to see my mom again. I pray fervently for God to take me Home so that my son will not need to live with the feeling that his mother abandoned him. My love for him is keeping me alive… For now. But someday soon I’m sure that the misery I cause to him and the rest of my family will become so acute that no amount of love and self sacrifice will be able to prevent what I know I will likely need to do to end this waste of existence.

  • Honestly I just want to die. For so many reasons, all of them things that are never going to change. The ONLY thing stopping me is knowing that my kids would know what I’d done and how they would have to live with people telling them how weak I was, how selfish, how I must not have loved them, things that will just hurt more.

    Every way I can think of to make it look like an accident either isn’t fool-proof (people don’t always die in even a catastrophic vehicle accident), isn’t accessible , or isn’t plausible .

    Guess I’ll just have to continue my strategy of praying every day for God to stop my heart. Sudden heart failure runs in my family, so it could happen…

  • and what about it if i want to die ?
    and the death is the only solution ??
    i want it to look like an accident because in my country,any one suicide he is a damned,he is cursed,and his parents will get harassments until thier death

    it not for me,it’s for my parents and because i want to be mercy with in my death,not because they love me (i doubt that),it’s only for old good moments we had

  • I’m a self harmer I’ve suffered depression for most of my life I’m 55 my husband 62 he treats me like a child always shouting at me I’ve got to the stage were I dare not speak we don’t have a sexual relation I can’t even say we are friends I’ve told him to go and find someone who makes him happy as its obvious I don’t I pray every night that I won’t wake up and when I wake up I have a good cry cos I’m still here I’m not living just existing I have physical and mental health issues and think what’s the point our son hates the way his dad treats me all I want is my son to make me a nana and see him happy then I would end my life well existing

  • This is ironic! I was here for some ideas, and i m giving out people some motovational advise to live life, a way to be happy, after reading their comments. Because i don’t want them to feel so down, the way they think wrong about their life.

  • Hello, Richard, we have so much in common. I take many morphine a day with no relief and lost the use of my left leg. I consider suicide every day I cannot deal with this pain anymore. Nobody really understands what I am going thru, confined in my room I feel like a vegetable. I used to have a normal life, people who knew me used to tell me I was a beautiful woman with heart of gold. I am not that person anymore, I cannot be if I want to, I am in pain all the time. I walk with crutches and some times even that hurts. If I start writing about my life and what I have been thru physically it will take the whole page and I do not want to bore anybody. I think of suicide every day but I think of my kids and I am too scared.My son thinks I am too negative and I make his life dark And his dad is the opposite I am divorced my kids are an adult in their twenties. Their father is very healthy and successful. I tell my son your dad does not deal with MS and can walk and most of not in pain. He is right I am depressed but he does not understand what is like to live with pain. He does help me with my care taking me to doctor office, i really try to look happy but it is so hard sometimes. If do decide to go thru with this how will I effect my family it makes me so mad. I asked God for help. I cried to him for years now not much has changed in my life. How do you do this. All of you out there please tell me the answer.

  • I know all of this is my fault, it does not belong to anyone else. I was abused as a little girl by both my dad and brother. My Mother was very sick and was not there to protect me. I become involved with my 1st husband when I was in high school. Found out I was pregnant when I was 19, was convinced to have an abortion. Years later I told my Mom and she thanked me for not telling her, as she could not have dealt with it. I married this man, become pregnant 3 more times and let him convince me to abort two more times, the third time I told him NO and I had a miscarriage. My dream in life was to be a mother, that dream never came true. And YES GOD has punished me over and over again. Ten years later I met a man and became involved with him, several months later I my best friend moved out of my house, a couple of weeks later lost my position at my work and a week from that I found my boyfriend dead in my kitchen. My current husband is never happy with me, I even gave up drinking for him. I’m in debt up to my ears, tried to tell my husband there is ways to get over this. He says he wants to help and not to do debt forgiveness because it will effect him. But he does not want to do anything. I have no children, no family/friends (no one wants to be around me as I’m a social retard, a job I hate, a husband who hates me and a life that SUCKS. As a kid I was not allowed to have friends to go out on dates, I don’t know how to be around people. I have tried for 63 years to be positive-I don’t laugh anymore, I don’t smile, I dread getting up-but I can’t sleep, so I’m up by 2 in the morning. I know this is no one else’s fault but my own. The best thing I can do is die. I keep telling myself that if I commit suicide, I will never meet my children – that is the only reason I’m still here. But I can’t keep this up. I am looking for a way to commit suicide and make it look like an accident. I know my husband will not shed a tear if I’m dead and gone as long as he is not put out financially. Oh well – who cares.

  • i just think about how i don’t enjoy most of what i do every single day. i think to myself, this is how things are going to be for the rest of my life. monotonous and tedious and soul-crushing. and it will continue for, what, another 50 years? a few bright spots sprinkled in, sure, but not enough to outweigh the other 99% of the time.

    i caught myself thinking that i can’t name the happiest moments of my life. i can think of hundreds of times where i felt depressed, where i was hurt, where things were awful.

    i can think of times where i had fun, sure. but those times don’t scream to me “this is true happiness, this makes life worth living”

    there’s nothing like that

  • why do the moments of pain last so long. Ive affected my family so much that my brother is now suicidal, my mom has trouble with alcohol, and my dad looks so defeated everytime he talks to me. I thought I was starting to gain some kind of control over my feelings but my energy levels are so low Its exhausting to even get out of bed, Its a good day if I can get myself to eat 2 small meals in a day. Im so privileged with my life and all I can do is complain about any small inconvenience. Everyday I distract myself with youtube and netflix, videogames, anything to get my mind off the reality of today. Why is this such a big problem, are some people just not meant to coexist with others? I feel as though its going to escalate soon to a point of no return, sometimes I cross a street without looking up

  • I also have been considering suicide since I was probably about 8 or 9 years old I am now 38 years old. my dad died from cancer when I was 8 he died right in front of me on the couch at home which is where he wanted to be still not easy. my sister was killed in a car accident when I was 9 she was 18 the driver of the vehicle was doing 90 miles an hour then took a sharp corner and hit a pole on her side she died instantly the driver was in the hospital for about 2 months he never had to go to court for anything so he basically got away with murder( the only way my mother could identify the body was because of the scar on her leg) after that she was no longer even remotely the same person that she was I have basically been on my own since I was 14 my mom started using drugs heavily and sold everything we owned including my own stuff to purchase drugs my grandmother died two years after that. And the dog that I owned for 16 years died about six months after that . I tried to help my mom through her situation but all she did was use me to get anything she could so that she could buy drugs she even had a knife to her wrist at one point and said that if I didn’t give her money she would kill herself right then and there . so I did not speak to her for 8 years. I got back in contact with her and we were getting along fairly well she had quit the drugs then she died six months later from cancer. And that was all the family members that I had.
    I have been married for going on 20 years now. Thankfully I have no children .After about 7 years of marriage I found out she had been cheating on me for probably about six months so she says I think it was way longer. She is disabled and cannot work and basically can’t do anything around the house either we have been pretty much roommates for the last 10 years but I don’t want to leave her considering the issue she has and I do know that we did love each other at one point or at least I loved her emphasis on loved… I literally have only one friend and he is as helpful as he can be but he is just as depressed as I am.. I was suspended 3 weeks ago from my job pending termination for something that I didn’t even do but there are people at work saying that I did do it so I probably won’t have a job after working there for 17 years and if I do lose my job I have no intentions of starting all over anywhere else because I would probably only make like 10 to $12 an hour and the $20 an hour that I make now barely covers our bills we literally normally only have about $10 in the bank account by the end of the month . I have hated myself like I said since I was about nine years old but I don’t really believe in suicide. It’s not a religious thing in any way because I am not a religious person whatsoever I think when you’re gone you’re gone there’s no Heaven hell Purgatory whatever you want to call it if I do lose my job there’s a 99.9% chance that I will end my life I just don’t want it to be a suicide although I don’t have life insurance if I do it before I get fired she’ll at least yet ten Grand from the place that I work not that will cover anything but whatever. And for every one good thing that happens in my life 10 horrible things happen. So after reading this if anybody can figure out an actual reason for me to still be here let me know

  • hi,
    My name is not matter, Matter is i am disappoint with my life, i cant tell my wife that i am disappoint or i have given up with my life. I have two lovely son both are very young. I do not want live but i am living for children. I do not know how long i will live like this but i know only hope can make me alive.

  • Your right I knew I wouldn’t find ways to make suicide look like an accident when I clicked here but then I was reading and I was encouraged that there is someone who can say what I’m feeling, I
    Not alone. And then it all went down hill because the judgement showed up. “What you need to do is work on a solution to the depression as hard as you work on wanting to die … blah blah blah… “ what an assumption that people here have not put endless amounts of work into finding their solution. You lost me after that. This could have been a good article, stick to encouragement rather than judgements
    You should know that never helps

    • Yes, people do love articles that are encouraging and say thy have done all they can do and do not worry, it will all fix itself and nothing they can do, nothing is in their control… etc etc etc… unfortunately they are completely untrue and useless in actually accomplish anything except reaffirm to them they have done all that can be done… and the real truth is it does not simply all get better with time without doing something more or different. Sorry you did not care for the article, unfortunately these are not one size fits all things.

  • I was looking for a way to make it and, in peace, not make myself feel worse but this was so accurate hope that it helps others.

  • I am tired of not having my own place. I have no privacy my millennia child and her useless bf moved in she had a beautiful daughter I adore but they have to live with me because he is a no good bum who will not work to support his family and my delusional daughter supports them so I had to let them move in here. But I need to be alone if I die and it looks like an accident there is double the money from the shitty term life policy and it should help her at least pay off the mortgage. The excuse this piece of shit has is that he is on parole and felons can not find jobs. He does not help around the house treats me like garbage never is courteous and did not offer me condolences when my mother died. Furthermore he walks around dumping his take out garbage any place and leaves his used wash rags all over the bathroom. He makes no effort to help here at all even watches his phone while my daughter shovels the snow. She really picked
    the ultimate loser and user. How donImendnitnsonI can finally rest and find solitude?

    • You remember it is in fact your place and that the guests at your place are your choice- so send him away if will not follow basic house rules- daughter can decide to go or not. So long as all is provided anyway she has no motivation to push him for more or to leave him if that was something she would consider- but ultimately is her choice who she stays with- but is also YOUR choice who lives with you so choose to not have him there and if she leaves too so be it. Make clear is not personal, is that he doe snot respect the house and your rules so that it that. To not do that is not because you are really concerned about how daughter feels since considering killing yourself- and to try to get life insurance money to support the person that you believe is making your daughters life worse as well as yours is just silly. So choose instead to stop enabling him o be a bum and your daughter to allow it- and make your life better and in the process maybe improve the life of daughter and granddaughter as well while sparing daughter and grand daughter the pain of you killing yourself because would rather be dead than living with them….

  • Reading the article made me wonder if it in fact helped people out but reading the comments only made me feel worse. Everyone here is so nice, they all think of ways not to hurt their loved ones, how they want to help them out even after they move on…and I am just here being selfish since I don’t have any loved ones, they all hate me and would forget my existence in a matter of days, the only reason I want to make it seem an accident is in case it fails so I won’t have to be sent to a psych ward or something afterwards hate my self

  • Thank you. Your words helped to snap me out of this funk. It does get better. Seek help and believe that people love you. Especially those of you with kids. They love you insanely and you will never hurt them as much as leaving them would. <3 good luck all.

  • Your blog said everything that is going on in my mind. You are right maybe i am just trying to convince myself that i am doing something to end my suffering but in reality i am not. I already knew of 1 way that is getting a road accident but could never gather the courage maybe i am afraid of pain or a failed attempt and having to live handicapped. Knowing that there is no way to end my inner pain and sufferring I was looking for an easy way out and maybe there is none.

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