venting

There is so much background to this post that it would fill a book, but that isn't important now. Nothing seems important now. Between personal life events and events in the greater world I find myself in a dark, nihilistic, and hopeless place. Evil wins, every thing heads towards decay and...

I mean, do they really? How can someone enjoy life? Like, the normal life. Wake up, work 9-5, 5 days a week, go home, take care of things, take care of other people, go to sleep, wake up go to work... I understand people finding one or two moments on their existence fun, but is it worth it? is...

I cannot drown out the evil in this world forever. I can't rationalise this eternal suffering any longer. Fundamentally, the cycle of generational and societal trauma that we ALL face, is agonising, and it extends since the beginning of time. When will it end? God when will it end, it reduces...

I'm so tired of feeling things. Constantly never meeting my own expectations, always failing, feeling sad for either no reason or over something obscure that doesn't matter, always being envious and jealous of everyone and everything, ruining everything for everyone...hell, even feeling happy...

Now before I begin as a side note I do not hate other autistic people. They are all valid. This is simply internalised ableism I suppose, self hatred directed towards myself only. I hate being autistic. I hate it so, so much. Understanding nothing. Not getting jokes. Constantly being weird...

It's not that I'm finding it hard to sleep. In fact it's somewhat easy, due to the fact I take melatonin every night. But I guess I've just become...unmotivated to sleep. I'm too lazy to put my things away, or I'm too busy thinking about stressful or upsetting things, or maybe I just don't want...

I keep imagining, planning, researching horrible things. The urge to hurt myself is too great. When I’m alone in my room I’m thinking of bad things. I can’t imagine what I could do next time I am home alone. I feel sick to my stomach. I don’t trust myself anymore, because of how much I hate...

There's not any aspect I like about myself. Even if I have a good moment where I like something I do for a few hours, it never lasts. I always come back to realising what a failure I am. I can't draw or write well, my ideas are awful, I'm ugly and stupid, I don't have any talents or redeeming...

Where do i start? well first off i hate my life and myself i was never meant for this world my birth was an accident. I have been let down hard by the system and people in general as well way too many times and i feel i am not compatible with society due to all the pressure stress and trauma...

I actually suck. I’m a compulsive liar, a manipulative kid, I procrastinate everything, I’m also the drama king and queen of my school. "Oh, but you have friends that like you." What's there to like? How can that possibly be true if not even my own mom likes me? Don’t get me wrong, I know...

Bipolar Disorder - A mental disorder marked by alternating periods of elation and depression. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder some time ago, and I've been afraid to tell people. I can be in a good mood, when one rude comment suddenly sends me into an ocean of angry emotions. I'll feel...

Ok, so a few weeks ago my boss got in my face about a customer's claim about a bill and when she angrily questioned me about it I'll admit I was pretty pissed. Nevertheless, I KNEW I was in the wrong and while I didn't respond calmly, I did apologize and offer to pay for the whole bill and a $50...

My Mother and I are both very strong minded individuals. My Mother is a control freak, she always has been and always will be. She can be vindictive and down right nasty at times but she's my Mother and I do love her. When I found out that I was pregnant with my daughter, my Mother was very...

Dont even know what to write. Im just desperate to keep myself occupied at the moment. Oh god i dont even know what i want to say. I mean yeah im safe and all but its kind of wishing i wasnt, you know? Like, no im not in any immediate danger but i wish i was. I want to be. I dont want to wake up...