0 to 100 (An Update on the Bigman)

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Bigman2232, Aug 23, 2009.

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  1. Bigman2232

    Bigman2232 Well-Known Member

    Well it's been a while since I last posted here and nearly as long since I even visited this site but I thought that the members who remember me deserved to know what is up.

    Firstly, thanks to those who pm'd me during my absence and I hope you are doing well and sorry that I did not respond sooner.

    So now the update. I've been away from school and working all summer at a job I love. My meds seem to have helped with my thought patterns and I haven't had the depression I once did. I also went to a consellor for single meetings as well as ones with my mother. These cleared some things up and were overall good. I've learned to better express myself and to not take everything as something I should fix.

    And these past 2 weeks have been a major breakthrough. I went to Algonquin park as part of a field class for my degree. The class went well and I actually learned some practical experience instead of just theory. But beside the actual class there was lots of time for fun. Went swimming, canoeing, hiking, vball and campfires all on a private research property with three lakes as well as access to almost any part of the park (basically felt like i was in the park with only 30 other people for 2 weeks).

    The most memorable experiences however were related to my interactions with girls. Out of 22 students there were only 7 guys including me, so there was a lot to interact with. Three major things happened, well two minor and one very major, haha.

    The first being while I was talking to a girl the topic of my football playing came up and she said "I thought you played football, because your big and fit." I've never been called fit before so it caught me off guard and was a great compliment to hear. So this gave me a confidence boost. The second minor thing was that I got the feeling that they really liked being around me and maybe if they didn't mostly already have bfs, that I could have made an advance.

    And the third and very major thing is that halfway through the first week one of the girls asked to talk to me privately, so we went away from the campfire and sat down to talk. Basically she said that she could see that I was very self conscious and nervous about my looks but that she liked me and the next thing I know is we're making out. She could tell I was still nervous so I told her that it was my first kiss and she responded with "really? well you're very good". Now it continued to some more adult activities well short of actual sex but it was absolutely amazing and I was shocked. Now unfortunately over the rest of the time nothing happened because we talked and she said it was a mistake that it happened and that she was very drunk. This was a shot to my confidence until I asked her if it was a mistake because it happened period or if it was a mistake because it was with me. Basically it was not because of me but rather she had just gotten out of a long relationship, was horny and thought that it wasn't a good idea, considering her issues and mine, to do anything else.

    So while it didn't work out I now have tangible proof that I\m not some hideous monster who is great as a friend but who noone sees as anything else. Her comments assured me that I am more than adequate and can do things that I was sure I'd completely freak out about.

    As for future plans, I'll see what happens. I return to school for one last semester in two weeks and I'll get to see C (who I've written about before). I made a confession to her roommate last year that I liked her and asked what he thought about me asking her out. I actually saw her yesterday since I passed through her town on the way back from algonquin and she told me where she lived so we stopped. I got to say hi and have a quick catch up. It was a nice detour haha.

    So that's what I've been up to and just want to say thank you to those on this forum that helped. I'll try to be more active and maybe help some others the way I was helped.

    Best Wishes to all.:laugh::biggrin:
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hi BigMan,
    I don't know you but I certainly enjoyed hearing your story!
    I think it is so important to be reminded that we do get better maybe not completely cured, like me, but life gets really good!
    Well I hope to get to know you and thanks for sharing.
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hey thanks for dropping by and filling us in. I'm so proud of you for the progress you are making. And that you are recognizing it as such. Now keep the positive attitude and keep moving forward. Hope you drop in again soon. Good Luck!!!
  4. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Hey Bigman, glad you had such a good time. Best wishes.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Always good to hear people doing well. thanks.
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