And that's the date. I have it planned. No backing out this time. I can't be helped. See, I'm too shy to actually ask for mental help. I'm too poor to be able to afford it. I can't find a job. My boyfriend has left me after 6+ years of being together. My mother ran away from my family. My father is too controlling of my life. See, I'm stuck. And this has only gotten worse. I've already written things down. I have roughly three weeks. The day was chosen for a couple of reasons and I wish it came sooner. I'm not bothered by people being hurt by my actions. I know I'm being selfish and I'm content with that. Everyone has always said it will get better and I'm here to say it doesn't. It never has gotten better. I've let myself down. I feel a lot more at ease now that the date is finally set. I feel like a giant burden has been lifted and all I have to do now is prepare and wait. I still feel lost though but it'll go away soon. I won't have to worry any more. I won't hurt others after they get over the initial shock.