I think that 10 September 2006 was the begining of this fucked-upness I've been calling life. I'd been dating Nikolai for a little while, probably longer than I should've been, because he was so abusive... but that's another story all on its own.... I bunked school to spend the day with him, we have a kinda big age gap between us, and men his age usually want things that girls may age weren't ready to give. I don't know why he did it, I don't think that anyone who rapes does it for the sex.... he was fine with just kissing one minute and the next he was someone completely different. When I tried pushing him away he pushed me against a mirror, I remember the sound of the glass breaking beneath my head, the frame digging into my back, the sound of his breathing, the smell of his cologne..... it still makes me feel physically ill when I smell it at a beauty counter. I dont think that there's anything that can hurt like that, physically, emotionally spirtually he fucked me up beyond any repair. He raped me and hit me and called me names for the better part of the morning and everytime I close my eyes, i remember it. My DH now needs to cope with my inconsistancies in our relationship and my overall instability. I've done therpay and it's a waste....now its meds and pretending that it never happened.