10:45 to 10:55: Daily Emotional Expression Allowance

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by DoesNotExist, Oct 22, 2008.

  1. DoesNotExist

    DoesNotExist Member

    I need..I don't really know what I need right now. I need a lot of things but I have too much to do. Midterms tomorrow that determine whether or not I fail the class and I've been studying since noon. Nonstop. And I'm not done yet. And I have a new psychiatrist who does what he's supposed to as a psychiatrist: plays fucking Mengele with me and ended up miscalculating the dose just enough that I virtually passed out during the PSAT. Sure he's a nice guy, especially compared to the rest of the people I've been to, but recently I've been feeling like I've become dependent on all these drugs. He gave me my sleeping pills on the first visit. It's like sex on the first date. For some people it's ok but I didn't know him well enough. I have been becoming more and more irritated recently and my fuse has grown shorter every day. I really can't deal with the maturity level of a lot of people my age, and I know how arrogant that sounds but when you live in a place where everyone is more concerned with MTV, daddy's money, or their cell phones rather than stuff that matters then it tends to make you snap. And recently I have chosen to follow a philosophy revolving around how you must take responsibility for your actions. That has brought me to only two conclusions. 1: Yeah. Obviously, it was me who burned the word focus into my ankle to remind me not fall victim to my severe ADD. Why the hell would I let somebody burn something into my ankle? And 2: Taking responsibility for my actions ends with me taking the blame for everyone else's mistakes and leads to me hating myself even more. Sometimes, I just want to rig my mailbox and then find a way to forget and check the mail so I can firebomb myself the fuck off this planet. I don't even have time to express emotions anymore. I literally have to cut this short because I have to prep for midterms tomorrow. I need something.