Hi all, I remember the first time I thought "I want to die". I was 15. I'm 25 now and I feel like my thought process hasn't really changed. It ebbs and flows, but for the most part it is a looming thought. It's been 10 years now and I haven't attempted, so chances are I won't as I have become accustomed with this way of living/thinking. But it is disabling and I often use that thought as a back up plan, "If I fail at uni, well then I will just end this". I'm not scared of death, but I'm scared of dying, the actual process and the pain associated with it. What has wiped my mind clear of thoughts like this is that the people left behind would be effected and what would they think. Suicide is stigmatised and seen as deviant behaviour. I wouldn't want my family to be left with that label. But as I grow older and stop caring about what others think, I wonder if times got real low, that I would finally listen to these thoughts. I appreciate all replies but I'm seeking logic here.