:(

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Kiba, Mar 7, 2013.

  1. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Is it all just made up in my head..?
    Why do I torment myself so much if so..
    If its all just in my head, i guess all the can do is nothing..
    Just as they do now..
    And what can I do.. But accept my own brains stupidity..
    How can I fight this invisible war against myself..?
    If there is no cause but my own brains need to harm itself,
    find something wrong with myself,
    cause myself physical and emotional harm..
    How can anything ever change?
    I'm fighting it.. the need to look things up, the need to find answers..
    I just want to move on.. I just want to live.. But nothing is changing..
    I can't sit here idle much longer.
    I can't keep feeling this pain of everyone else around me.
    What is my own stupid brain doing to itself? and why?
    Why can't I just be OK..
    Am I simply causing my own self destruction?
    Seeing and feeling things that aren't there?
    who the fuck am I.. and why do things hurt so much..
    Why can't I stop the cycles of questions..
    Is everything just inside my head? What is going on, and what is not..
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I wish you could find a good therapist hun to help you answer all those questions that go on and on in your head hugs
     
  3. DepletedOne

    DepletedOne Member

    Sometimes, I long to be out of the fog that seems to always be around. It is wet and cold on my face and I feel it circle around behind me when I walk through it. And those times when I'm not in the fog, the world almost seems too bright. When the fog eventually comes back I almost welcome it, even though it's uncomfortable.

    But when I'm in the grayness and find these little fires of warmth, I am delighted. More than I am when in full sun. So, I pick up these little fires and to take them to others I bump into in the fog. I sit with others and we are warm together for awhile. If the fire grows, we divide it and go our separate ways and share again.

    I don't think I'm supposed to live outside of the fog. But I do think I'm supposed to share these small bits of warmth I find. And that brings me comfort. I've quit thinking that a life without fog should be expected.

    Maybe, for you, life is the same?
     
  4. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure.. it just seems no doctors, therapists, or myself can ever answer my questions. So all I can do is accept that things in a mental regard may never change. I may never understand myself nor will anyone else. And what I'm doing right now is trying to simply accept without the questions anymore. I want to move forward. But in my situation atm it's proving difficult. I can't stand staying idle much longer.