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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MoAnamCara, Jun 4, 2013.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I'm back to thinking and knowing its me. I'm in the wrong. I can do no right. I know nothing, am an ignoramus. I fail at things, I continuously fail. I'm sorry I'm not like others. I'm just not. But that doesn't matter because its not good enough anyhow. And it will never be, I will never be.

    Feeling small as a speck tonight. Beaten down, worn out and very melancholy. The "bad" thoughts are back. But how can they be considered a negative if the results are positive for me? I wish, I dream and tonight I long for this not to be anymore.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Sorry tonight is so tough hun sending you hugs ok
     
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry you are feeling this way too...but if we can agree to disagree, I think you are doing remarkably well for all you have been through...just my 2 cents.. with much caring
     
  4. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    While I understand, in my own way, first hand the things you write, I can say that you are not any of those things you say you are. But I understand those feelings are there right now for you. I think you are a wonderful caring good person. You have a good heart. I know this. I have seen it many times. I am very sorry that you are feeling these feelings. Its a horrible place to be. But it is not who you are. Who you are is a gifted caring good smart woman! and as they say on the game show "who wants to be a millionaire", thats my final answer :hug:
     
  5. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    :grouphug:
     
  6. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    hang tight in their... please don't do anything.

    is their anyone you can call
     
  7. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I really appreciate all of your time an thoughts and words.

    Take care of yourselves.
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Are you feeling better today? :hug:
     
  9. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I very much want out. I wish there were a solution. I know it's me and I'm sorry.
     
  10. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    You are a 'me' many people truly care for...me, for one...here if you need me
     
  11. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I don't know what I need tbh. The last week and a bit raised a lot of old memories and things. Now I'm here and reality that is here is hitting me again. It's like going through it all over again in a much smaller way. I feel lost. Truly lost. And when I say lost, I include a lot in that one word. Scared, alone and all of that wonderful stuff. I know I've come a good way from where I once was, but I still tend to revisit that darkness at times. And this is one of those times. And it's a deep longing for an answer. A solution. And so I go to thoughts that I won't discuss. There really is no one left for me. And those that are, I don't and never will measure up to. There is no point fooling myself that family will be something it never was and never will be. Accepting that is hard. I don't care in many ways about what happens to me. It's not important. I have no reasons to be.
     
  12. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Can we catch up over the weekend and we will shield each other, etc., as we do? I do care
     
  13. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    You are dealing with so much. Grieving so much. Partner, mother, family and self. I think we each have a part of ourselves that can so get crushed and bruised... wounded. Thats a very good reason to grive... and to deeply hurt. Especially when it is in combination with the such major losses as a life partner and a mother who loved you. i could be wrong and could be assuming things. And if I am, I do apologize. But if i am right, then you have so much loss that you are trying to not let crush you. Huge huge.

    But you are cared about. Really a lot by me. And by other people too. I care about you because of the good soul you are. I have experienced often what a good and caring heart you have. I know how hard it is to not have people there irl for support. to not have that irl support community. :hug:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 7, 2013
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