Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Butterfly, Jun 21, 2013.
Staying alive is such an effort some days
It is - and it is an effort that is worth it because the world would be a much poorer place without you in it honey :hug: I am sorry you are sad.
hugs, it is.
Those days do happen. Take it easy today, do the things you want. If you want to stay in bed, stay in bed
:hug: and also :hug:
I try and carry on, with a smile on my face. I try and pick myself up when I get knocked down. I try and make sure everyone else is okay. But im getting tired of plodding on and muddling through. I dont want to just scrape through. I want to enjoy life. But I dont. Im fed up of how tiring muddling through is. Maybe one day I will get the courage and do the inevitable. Its more of a question of when, that I dont know but hopefully it will be soon so I can put myself out of my misery.
Maybe you should put yourself first a bit more.
Its nothing to do with needing to put myself first more. Its the fact that something inside me is missing and imm sick and tired of being so low or manic or just plain agitated. Its no life to have. Id rather have nothing, lack intelligence but be happy and have normal human emotios than to have everything and li've in permanent misery that will never get better.
Im done, and as soon as I get some time alone, im gone.
Oh, Butterfly. I don't think anything is really missing from you, though I'm sure it could feel that way. The fact is, you're a good, caring, considerate person, and sometimes we get a lonely or empty mood. I think those moods are hardest for me when I try to "muddle through" and "put a smile on my face." I'm better if I accept the mood and keep moving "in spite of it." That's sort of like muddling through, but at least I've acknowledged to myself that I'm not feeling 100% - and that helps for some strange reason. Like giving myself permission not to be perfect. Maybe it's allowing yourself to have all the feelings, even the down ones, without letting them overwhelm you...*dunno* :hug:
I dont experience anything other than either sad or self destructive emotions. Ive had enough. Feel like driving anywhere other than work tomorrow. Somewhere noo one will find me.
Butterfly, depression is sneaky. We try to damp down the bad feelings, we damp down ALL feelings. And then the bad ones are the ones that leak out first. At least in my experience.
Anything specific going on, or just feeling the blahs especially deeply today?
Nothing really. The inevitable cycling for no reason.
I know exactly how you feel my friend.
People care about you, even people you don't know well. I'm going to copy and paste the story of what happened today from another status I just wrote only because my hands hurt (rheumatoid arthritis) and I dont' want to do more typing, ok? Forgive the cut and paste.
Yesterday on facebook a friend of a friend posted that she was thinking about killing herself. She was a friend of a number of my friends, but I didn't know her. They all posted about it, begging us to pray for her, begging her not to do it- they sent the police, but it was too late. The police rushed her to the hospital, and she died this morning. My friends are so sad and devastated- and I hurt, too. I didn't know her. She never knew my name. But I cried for her, and it brought back all the awful memories of my suicide attempts. I don't know her, but I really wish she hadn't done it. None of her friends and family will ever be the same. There are people who would be so sad to see you go- friends that are out there that you haven't even met yet.
That last paragraph may be from something I said to someone else, but I mean it for you too, just as much.
I have suffered from bipolar for many, many years. I have attempted suicide not once, but a number of times. There were times I felt my life was a nightmare, and that it would never, ever get better. one of the most savage things about depression (bipolar or not) is that when we are in it, it FEELS SO MUCH like its going to last forever. I know from experience that the deepest, darkest depression doesn't last- that eventually it lifts, and things get better- but ti doesn't matter. EVERY time I get down in those depths, I'm convinced that my life will always be hell and nothing will ever change. But that's part of the disease, that loss of hope.
If you aren't getting help, please consider it. Medication has helped me tremendously. Though it took a very long time to find the right combination of antidepressents, I have been doing a lot better. Please keep fighting. I'm going to be on here tomorrow evening. Please post before then? OK? I'm worried about you and want you to be ok. If I don't see a post from you tomorrow or the next day, I'm going to really worry. Keep fighting. I will be looking for your post.
Tell me about it. Life is the most painful/difficult thing there is... I hate it. But I refuse to give in to it. Just like you should. We shouldn't let life pass us by early, we have to fight it and throw it back into place. ”Life will get better” this is what alot of people say... They forget one main part... Life will get better, but not on it's own. You have to make it better. This may take years but it does get better. So just hang in there and if you ever need to talk we're all here for you. We are your support
So please don't go. Stay here. Find happiness, even if you feel like you can't (I feel like this all the time) It's always there
”I wonder what happiness could look like if we could give it a form..? The Shape of happiness might resemble glass.. Even though you don't usually notice it, it's still definitely there... You merely have to change your Point of View slightly.. and that glass will sparkle when it reflects the light.. I doubt that anything could argue its existence more eloquently..” This is one of my favorite quotes from my favorite anime, I found it to be true.
I just want to give you a big :hug: