11 year Old daughter Threatening suicide

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by glvnthedream, Mar 16, 2013.

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  1. glvnthedream

    glvnthedream New Member

    My daughter is a handful. She is 11 years old and has a problem with the word no. Yes, as parents we have not done the greatest job of teaching consequences and having our kids EARN things as they got older. But our 11 year old tends to get violent, belligerent and has now started telling us in her fits of rage that she wishes she was dead. Her teachers teach wrong which is why her grades are not good. Her mean Dad (Me) has ruined her life because he takes away everything fun. (Internet is not an open highway in our home but a restricted and age appropriate web) All the other kids have cell phones with full internet and everything but her phone only has calling and chat features, list goes on.

    In the past the anger would come when a rule was broken or she would get in trouble and lose a privilege. She would yell, scream, and lash out and her mom or I. It then escalated to kicking walls and breaking things. (We argue as parents but there is not and violence) She has been in counseling and has been diagnosed with ADHD (most children are these days) and mild asbergers. My wife thinks she has ODD (Opposition Defiant Disorder). No matter what it is, big or small, if there is something she cannot do she loses it.

    Yesterday it was over cushions on a couch. It escalated fast and ended up with we keeping my foot in the door of the bathroom (Keeping her from closing and locking is) with telling me she wanted to die. Now I am the "Hard Ass" parent and understand that she does not get along with me because I hold them to the consequences. But tonight it happened with my wife because a sleep over was canceled. We do not want to take her to the emergency room. My wife was admitted as a child for the same thing and it was not a pleasant experience and she is terrified it would only hurt her more.

    What do we do? We are trying a new counselor and Doctor (Med Therapy) because the last one was not doing anything productive. But now we have a wait of a month or more. With the words "I want to kill myself" being used and "Dad,I wish you were dead" and I am going to kill you" being tossed out, WHAT DO WE DO that will not end her up in the hospital. Is there anything else? She is watched like a hawk now. We are at our wits end and we are scared. But we don't know what to do. I am reaching out here to get some thoughts. If we just suck and are causing all this, we need to know. If there is a book or something that has been done to help a child of this age before, we would like to know. There is so much more that I am sure needs to be told for the true insight to her but that would take a LONG time.

    Anything, info or advice will be better than where we are today.

    Thank you and God Bless
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    First off hun i am so sorry you and your child are suffering so greatly It seems she has you hostage hun she is using everything in her power to get HER way. Is there not a child psychologist you can take her too hun or a child psychiatrist It sounds like she does need professional help now hun. If you have to if she does get violent and get harming herself and others you have to take her to hospital hun and get her assessed by the psychiatrist there. Has your childs behavior changed drastically is she perhaps getting into drugs or pot hun I ask only because my daughter was introduced to that at age of 13 in highschool and that is when she became very violent You reach out NOW hun for help ok and if it means taking her into hospital just to get her the support she needs then do it hun hugs
  3. Rookie

    Rookie Active Member

    Hi there, i would like to offer my thoughts if that is ok, but before i do i want to make something explicitly clear.
    I am not a parent! thus i cannot give you parenting advice... But I do have experience with a difficult childhood and ten years ago, when i was roughly your daughter age, i began to consider suicide.
    There are some things that might help to know, from the point of view of the child.
    Everything is unfair when you're a child, and the only way to show your child what is fair is to show them that wrong actions have consequences...
    But the most important thing you can do, is sit down with her and talk... ask her where her anger is coming from, there may be things going on with her that you dont realise. you need to listen and comfort her, and then you can start to build a relationship where you can communicate effectively.
    If any of what i said has helped then great... if not then just know that if you just sit blame yourself, the situation wont be resolved.
  4. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. and that all three of you are in so much pain. Your wife, you and of course your daughter. I do agree with you that it is important to take this seriously and not wait the month for help. I wonder if your physician could help to get her better care at the emergency room. So that she did not have a similar expereince to your wife when she was young. There are people here who have much more knowledge of things than I. I am hoping one of them will see your thread and respond. I might consider calling her regular doctor and asking his or her advice re how to get the best care while waiting for the new therapist and doctor. Please keep checking back. Because I am hoping you will get more responses. One of which will give you even more clarity and an option you may not have considered. Sending very best to you.
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    There are several hospitals throughout the country that have Child Study Centers (e.g. Yale, NYU, etc.) that use a team approach for intervention...I have treated many clients with seemingly behavioral disorders and these kids require a structured approach (e.g. behavioral analysis and management) etc. with all persons reinforcing the same behaviors...I have also found alternative therapies such as art and music to be very helpful...if I can supply additional information, please PM me
  6. sparksman

    sparksman Banned Member

    I know that when I freaked out on my parents it was usually when something bad happend at school (like girl troubles or something) also I never delt with it much but bullying happens a lot. If a kid is going through crap at school it is easy for them to lash out at their parents. Even though my parents did get me upset sometimes when something happend at school that is when I tend to overeact. So what I'm saying is trying talking to your daughter and seeing what the problem is. The internet isn't that big of a deal but she could be using that as an excuse to lash out at your for school problems for example something bad happens at school and she says "I would be more popular if you would buy me internet. So understand that she might be lashing out at you for little reason's but it could be because she is going through stuff at school and doesn't think anyone understands. I could be wrong but it is something to think about.
  7. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    Just wondering is your GP aware of the situation, can you take her to GP and get assistance. If not go straight to the hospital as soon as you can to help your daughter, instead of taking her to school one morning, take her straight to the nearest a+e and get her checked out. Its better to go between 10-1pm when it's less busy and you more likely to get seen early. The longer you leave it the longer it's gonna get worse, especially as she's gonna be a teenager real soon.
    Are social services aware of your situation it would be worth speaking to them, if not ring the duty line or the main council line for social services.
  8. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    Read up on RAD, reactive attachment disorder, you might find it somewhat useful. Do not advocate using any medication, all that is needed is behavioural and maybe, humanistic therapy.
  9. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    i wouldn't worry too much about diagnosis its best if you get help now x
  10. lizlovex

    lizlovex Member

    Honestly it sounds.to me like you need to have her admitted. i know you dont want to but it seems like it. would be the best thing.
  11. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    lizlove is correct if she is getting to stage where its become unmanageable she needs help from the professionals. I know its hard accepting it but at the same time you've gotta get help for your daughter and at the same time look after yourself. it must be very tough on you.
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