Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by MoAnamCara, Mar 8, 2014.

  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I'm very sad. Very, very sad.

    And I'm alone.

    And I'm also tired of trying and not getting anywhere positive really. Over and over. And I keep questioning myself why I am doing this, why I am trying just to end up in crappy land again.

    Someone asked me today about seeing friends, I explained they were all dead. They thought I was joking.

    I can acknowledge theres an important date coming up that is making things more difficult. However its also highlighting how little I have grown or adapted or coped etc. since that time. I have a physical ache in my torso, missing this person. It is so hard to continue on doing this. Without them. Still, after all this time.

    Theres also this other stuff going on that is probably making me emotional, subconsciously. Its life I'm sure, theres always something going on or something that raises issues, memories etc.

    I don't know. Just tears and sadness and wanting out, ultimately.

    That's it. Nothing else to say. Same stuff. Same me.
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Mo, I am so sorry. I did not know you were feeling this right now. I know that because of all the losses, and other things that life is so very challenging for you. Please know I am here. And I am sorry I did not know sooner. :hug:
  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Oh, flowers, you have nothing to apologize for or be sorry about. We all have our things and sometimes we can keep them covered from others as you and many others know.

    Having a very difficult time with sleep the last few days. And of course I'm then exhausted during the day and want to rest but I know that's not the thing to do. But I will indulge at times just to give myself a break from myself and my mind. Funny how I can fall asleep at the wrong times much easier than at the appropriate time.

    Woke up tonight after a couple of hours again, woke up distressed but I've no idea what was the source of that. I still feel on edge so it'll take time to settle enough to be able to go back and try again.

    And there's a lot to get done for work right now, like normal I suppose. Just tougher when those who were meant to accomplish tasks don't do so. But I can't get into that here.
  4. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    hi, random but not so seemingly question, do you believe in angels and similar?
  5. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

  6. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Kind of funny sf will be down on the one day I may need to be here. Yes, poor...poor me.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hope you will be okay hun, :hug:
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Use the back up forum ok hun we will see you there hugs to you
  9. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    We all can huddle together at the backup forum. I do know its not the same. But I will be here for you, Mo.
  10. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thank you all. Sorry to have over reacted.