I'm very sad. Very, very sad. And I'm alone. And I'm also tired of trying and not getting anywhere positive really. Over and over. And I keep questioning myself why I am doing this, why I am trying just to end up in crappy land again. Someone asked me today about seeing friends, I explained they were all dead. They thought I was joking. I can acknowledge theres an important date coming up that is making things more difficult. However its also highlighting how little I have grown or adapted or coped etc. since that time. I have a physical ache in my torso, missing this person. It is so hard to continue on doing this. Without them. Still, after all this time. Theres also this other stuff going on that is probably making me emotional, subconsciously. Its life I'm sure, theres always something going on or something that raises issues, memories etc. I don't know. Just tears and sadness and wanting out, ultimately. That's it. Nothing else to say. Same stuff. Same me.