Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Marshmallow, Jan 4, 2007.

  1. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    I anyone who gets upset by the things i say, i wouldnt bother reading this. I dont wanna upset anyone, so i really wouldn't bother.

    I seriously don't get whats wrong with me. Had a bad night last night, had someone upset on msn and then i got into a situation with this guy where we nearly ended up in a row and i just told him things that maybe i shouldn't of. About a date to kill myself.

    I wake up feeling shit, come on here read some stuff, feel even more shit. Come on msn, someone from sf talks to me saying their worried about a few people here and don't want to upset me but told me what was going on.

    My best mate starts talking to me. She scared the fucking shit out of me. SHe was talking like i've never heard her talk before, she told me the last few days shes thought about killing hereself. Wanting to just get away. Wondering what it would be like to not be here. I've never seen her talk like before, it kinda shocked me. Im anti drugs and so is shes, shes VERY against them and today she told me she just wants to get high, there must be something really wrong for her to say that. Shes against smoking and i meet her like an hour ago and she said she wanted a cig. Im in shock, i would of never thought that she would feel like that. She wants to change school because some girl in her class is making her life a misery. I swear on my life, if that girl does anything to her ima knock the fucking crap outta her.

    So i was feeling okayish after meeting her and going for a walk. Then was on the phone to someone. I was still feeling allright then i fucking had to go bring someone one from here up and then they went all weird and started a sentence and then stopped. I know what the end of the sentence was gonna be. When i ask them to finish it they go all weird again then just siad they had to go. If they was about to say what i think they was then they need to realise its the same for me with them.

    So now im sitting here in fucking tears!!! :cry:

    Im sooo fucking sick of this, i tell myself i cant afford to let myself get triggered in the next 9 days, but yet i still keep coming back to the one place that does trigger me, i dont get it!

    And to top it all off, im gonna be up all night till tomorrow afternoon doing 2 bits of coursework that are due in tomorrow. Im so fucking thick for putting it off! how fucking dumb can i be!! I KNOW it stress's me out leaving it to the last minute and yet i still fucking do it!!

    I've got a few months of college left and i dont see myself getting through it. I wanna quit SOOOOOOO badly, i cant do it anymore. i just wanna quit fucking college!!

    My addiction is ODing on paracetamol, i want to soooo badly right now!! i just wanna OD, i've got the pills do some kind of OD right now, i think im gonna do, why not, there aint no fuckign point right now is there! im gonna go buy a couple of boxes of paracetamol when i can be bothered to fucking get off my bed. I need to so badly. I've all ready fucked up my liver, i know i have so this OD dont matter does it.

    Im on the verge of breaking my new years resolution, i might aswell give that up, i was fucking stupid to think that i could actually go a whole year with out self harming. My knifes allready out on my desk. its been there for days, even weeks. Not once have i used it. Guess thats about to change right now.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2007
  2. Gi-Jane

    Gi-Jane Active Member

    im so sorry vikkie to hear it....
    its also part of my fault...
    dammit.,.im really am sorry ....
    dont do what u wanna do ok....there are so many ppl who care for u....
    believe it or not ...i care for u 2...and like i told u im here if u wanna talk...
    allot of huggsssssssssssss and a big shoulder ..... ( remember)........
  3. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Hun its not ur fault. i would of felt this way regardless of what you said. Im just worried about the things i told you. If that happens then im gonna aswell. I mean it. Ive never been so sure of anything in my life. I cant take the hurt anymore, thats the one thing that would hurt me the most.

    Its not your fault.

    Viks xx
  4. Gi-Jane

    Gi-Jane Active Member


    u know im here .....
    just find a way ..and talk 2 me ok...
  5. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni


    I cant talk the only thing i can think of doing is

    1. cutting/burning
    2. overdosing

    Im pretty close to second one right now :cry:
  6. Gi-Jane

    Gi-Jane Active Member

    :sad: vikki no.......
    i know i ur heart u dont want 2....
    try and think about the time u were happy ok...or at least when u felt good..
    try and talk 2 me ok......
    i can be a good listener......
    try maybe it will help ok....:sad:
  7. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    I want to sooooooooo BADLY!!

    I have the pills to do it :sad:
  8. Gi-Jane

    Gi-Jane Active Member

    NOOOOOOOOOO dont pls......

    tell me what can i do???????
  9. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Thers nothing you or anyone can do. I have some pills, Anti depressants that i haven't taken. When i can be bothered to move i might walk up the shop and but 2 boxes of pain killers. Theres no point trying to stop myself, im weak, im gonna give in some point, why not now! why not just fuck it all up now.

    I've been wanting to do this for so damn long now, i just wanna get it over a done with. If i don't OD now i will do it at some point. I'll proberbly do it in the next 9 days.
  10. bombeni

    bombeni Guest

    Oh vikki, I benefitted so much by talking with you earlier. I only hope I didnt have anything to do with you feeling so bad now. I think I told you I will be away a few days or so but that I am really looking forward to getting to know you. You are easy to talk to thru the PM section and I really need some friends. Please don't go.
  11. itachi

    itachi Well-Known Member

    Please Don't Vikki :sad:
  12. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Viks you know where I am if you need me, please dont do anything rash.
  13. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    I fucked up :cry:

    I'm so fucking stupid!!!