:(

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Kiba, Apr 7, 2015.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    screwed up.. only take up resources.. can't handle living by myself.. but screwed up social security for supporting others.. because i can't support myself and be sane.. but if i die i leave others with little or no hope either.. but maybe theres no point.. no one really cares anyway.. disabled just sucking up resources for nothing.. simple existence with no purpose.. is no life at all..
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You can talk to us or me anytime you want. We will do your best to help you. You don't deserve to feel this way! Hugs xx
     
  3. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Nothing feels real atm.. 20min Late to housing meeting im supposed to be helping with today.. I cant keep track of time atm. Part of me just wants to go anywhere and get lost. I can't deal with anything atm..
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    :hug: Write down all you need to do and follow it, get into a routine! You can do this, no giving up! It's not allowed :p
     
  5. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    I had it down in my phone.. Im just slow today.. The only reason im holding atm is cuz i want to go to red robin for my birthday.. But other then that idk.. Im just not very mentally functional right now.. Its all too much.
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    What is red robin may I ask?
    What is it that is overwhelming you kiba?
     
  7. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Its a restaurant.. It became a tradition since my 21st bday.. :'( the same year a member passed and the day I found out.. I've been supporting a friend for the past 3yrs and for 2yrs shes tried to get on disability and got denied again by the judge, the auterney dropped her and shes looking for a new one.. Its just mostly all the traumas associated in April that I cannot handle.. Between loosing my purpose, my family, friends, and even stupidest trauma of being closest to committing suicide in 2007.. April is never a good time for me.. And realizing I cannot function without someone to care for because I know no other purpose in life. Yet being constantly told that I shouldn't help anyone. And dealing with this stupid fibromyalgia, loosing some of my freedom to go anywhere alone. Dealing with the bull shit from society and doctors. My service dog had to retire in December. I can't go very far on my own anymore between the panic attacks and mobility, vision, and memory issues. Ive gained so much weight because of the fibro. I need medical transit to get to my doctors and even then i cant go alone. Ive had 2 severe panic at doctors when was alone and one cause my asthma to be so bad I was seeing spots and nearly passed out. My brain just went blank.. Im sorry.. Theres just so much..
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    :hug: :hug: :angel: I am really sorry for your losses. You need to keep trying to cope with them in a healthy and stable way, you're doing a great job so far. I am very sorry for your loss, I know anniversaries are very difficult. Keep your mind occupied and your mind on something constructive if you can. Huge hugs :hug:
     
  9. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    I keep seeing the motionlessness after death.. And feeling it.. :( i already feel dead..
     
  10. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    My brain feels extremely scattered and Im just surprised any of my posts make any sense.. Part of me wants to look up terrible videos.. But I'm not letting it. I started smoking again.. I just feel so lost. But Im not. Am I? So contradictory brain.. T thinks im integrating ok.. But its whenever I start thinking we are all working together someone gota "act out" and remind us we all exist. Aren't able to deny existence. But we are all part for reasons. Im sorry.. Im just so confused. So depressed and numb but not at same time.. So confused.. Lost..
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.