Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Blue_Nymph, Nov 2, 2009.

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  1. Blue_Nymph

    Blue_Nymph Member

    Right now. It's all I can think about.

    He talked to me almost all day over the phone.

    Tonight, an hour ago, he put down the phone, left it on, did not say anything to me....and he had company. Called them the special nickname he called me. Tickled and got...affectionate. I was shocked, I didn't want to believe he'd do that to me--just toss down the phone and have me hear it all.

    Our relationship was a twisted scheme he wanted, and he's treated me like garbage but....that was the last bit.

    He's so nice to them and he's so mean to me. They've done so much to him and he doesn't care.

    I've lost a year of life, good grades, respect of my parents....so much, gone, believing he loved me. He doesn't love me, he loves hurting me.
  2. I am/was with a man that enjoyed hurting me emotionally. It was like it gave him power and he got high off it. I too am now deeply depressed because of this... I feel your pain.
  3. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Keep posting here, we'll walk with you through this. You deserve better and you will have better. First things first, just for today take care of yourself.

  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Drop his sorry butt.. You deserve much better than he can give you.. There are plenty of guys out there who will treat you right..
  5. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    You've gotta rise above this kind of thing....the longer it goes on, the more power ur giving him and the more pain he will cause. I've been in a similar situation and the breakthrough for me was acceptance. Accept that you can't change how he feels or acts, also accept that you feel the way you do - only then can u work on changing it. Accept that the past is the past and have faith in the fact that the future is a clean slate.

    You have certainly not lost a year of ur life - u can take lessons and strength from this situation! Speak with your parents about the problems ur having if your comfortable with doing so...they love u and im sure can find forgiveness.

    All the very best

  6. Blue_Nymph

    Blue_Nymph Member

    I stayed. I don't know why. I felt so alone, but I still do. After the incident one week ago, he called me the next day and was angry. This week he has the other person staying with him all week. He blames me for all of the problems. I told him I was glad he found happiness, even with someone else (no twist on my words, no sarcastic tone) and he cursed me out and called me many names. I am still confused as to how he goes 0-10 like that with me.

    I found out the other person was staying with him when I tried calling him and sending texts two days ago. I was so lonely and he ignored me (he said he was playing a computer game. I asked if he had company and he ignored the question. I cried for a bit, but not all night this time.)

    I hate crying and it happens when he insults me or calls me names or points out my faults or tells me I look like sh**. I'm so confused as to what I have done for him to treat me like this. If I knew what was wrong with me I would fix it. I don't know what to change, or how to change.

    I looked for depression hotlines, as I was feeling alone again today. I am afraid to call, in the event that the police come to my door. I was just looking for someone to talk to about this, about the depression and loneliness, the thoughts of suicide that I can't get rid of. I came across a list of warning signs for abusive relationships. Every one on the list is true for me, especially the ones regarding control, and staying because "you believe this is all you deserve, that this is as good as it will get". The after-effects list is scary.
  7. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    It doesn't sound like there's anything wrong with you. People don't normally treat their partners like garbage, it's a problem on his end. It does kind of baffle me that you're still with him despite how much he's put you through though. Men will treat you as good or as bad as you let them, that's the god honest truth. I'd rather be alone than be around somebody that makes me wish I was. Aren't you pissed at all after that stunt he pulled? And he cussed you out? I'd drop so many ten-pound swear words on him it would wake up his english teacher. Nobody deserves to be treated like dirt, you need to dump him before things will improve.
  8. Blue_Nymph

    Blue_Nymph Member

    Yes, it makes me mad that he treats me like that, and not only after that incident, but every incident--there are too many to describe here. I don't understand how he can blame me for everything (he is spending time with the other person and saying it is my fault that we don't spend time together). The only time he seems happy is when he is leaving to go to a movie or to dinner with that other person. I'm very mad....not only because of how he is trying hard to make me feel secondary and worthless, but because that other person has done horrible things and yet he is so kind to them...wheras I....doesn't matter how nice I am or how much I do for him (I do his homework for him even) and he is never grateful or kind to me. Our conversations mostly consist of him telling me that I've done wrong, that I'm in trouble with him (he'll repeat it over and over). If he gets a call while on the phone to me, I'm put on hold without warning. And he'll keep it on hold for 20 minutes or more, but if I hang up, it's as if I've committed a crime.

    I'm angry, but I'm scared. I read that 75% of women in abusive relationships that are killed are killed after they leave. It's a loss of control by the abuser that then needs vengence. I know this is abuse, I know there's a toll that's been taken on me. I'm not fully aware of how obvious this is to others, but a friend has said things to me to cause me to suspect it is obvious. I have not told anyone of the treatment. It is just not something I can talk about...not that there is truly anyone I can confide in about this. I don't know what to do. I am so confused all the time.
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