12 year old me.

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Failure, Sep 3, 2015.

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  1. Failure

    Failure Well-Known Member

    Don't start cutting. Even if you think it will solve your problems, or that it will help you deal with them, or that you deserve it - don't. Please. Once you start, it's not just a one-off. The urge to do it will come back again and again and again. After it becomes an addiction, and you alienate yourself from the people that care about you most, the tools you use to do it will seem like the only things that understand. I promise, you are not alone. You are not alone.
    Don't even think that you will get away with it. Once scars start to appear on your perfect skin, they will remain there forever, even if they just become memories. You will regret every single time that you ever did it, or even thought about doing it. Eventually, someone will find out. Your sleeves will slip, your shorts weren't pulled down long enough. People WILL find out. No secret is kept a secret forever.
    When you start to feel guilty, and promise them that you will never do it again, that's the most dangerous part of it all. You will start to do it where no one will see, and you will go deeper than ever. You will almost faint so, so many times that you can't keep track. You will hit a vein day, hiding in the bathroom at school, because you couldn't wait two more hours to get home. And the bleeding won't stop. You need stitches, but you don't tell anyone. You will sit on the toilet seat, pressing hard on the wound, hoping that the blood will stop. You will stay in there for almost an hour, hearing all the other students laughing and giggling in the bathroom, doing their makeup and washing their hands. The bell will go for the next period to start. And you are still bleeding. You have no band-aids. You press down hard for 30 more seconds. You walk out, with no one wondering where you were.
    You get home. Your sleeve is covered in blood, and you freak out. You try to get rid of the stain, but not all of it comes out. That is just the start of getting rid of stains yourself in the bathroom so you don't get caught.
    But that isn't where it ends. Even after that "incident", you keep going. Deeper and deeper, so deep you almost pass out every time you do it. But still, no one says anything. Because they think you aren't doing it anymore, or maybe they never knew in the first place.
    Your friends start to notice your wounds. But they don't say anything. You blame yourself every single day for their hurt feelings, but you never discuss it with them.
    One day, you will bring everyone crashing down with you. You will go out of control. You won't be able to stop. Everything will trigger you. Everything that has a sharp edge brings the urge. You even dream about self-harming.
    You stop talking to people. People ask if you are okay, but they already know the answer. You look like shit every single day. You cry yourself to sleep, and wake with an aching head.
    Don't even think about swimming in summer. It won't happen. You have ruined your body too much. It is too late.
    Don't do it. Don't start. Please, please, please. It is not worth it. Please.
  2. FaberMiles

    FaberMiles Banned Member

    ...This is a beautiful thread, because it prevents a lot of self-harming, and shows a true self-harming experience, that is horrible. But it needs improvement... Because every single person here who self harms or wants to self harm do not have friends at all, or will never have friends for an heartbreaking reason... Even if they are not alone, it's very, very hard for them to see that. Few of them actually never saw a friend in their life, or even a parent who cares.

    They suffer too much, but at least, this thread will prevent them from being hurt even more. Do not self harm. It's a dark, infinite tunnel...
  3. Failure

    Failure Well-Known Member

    I understand that there are people without friends. I just made this lost because I was feeling out of control and wished that I could go back in time and stop myself from ever starting it. I lost many, many friends thanks to self harm, and everyone's respect. I did not write this post for people to read really, I just wrote it here because there is no where else to write it where it will be anonymous to people I know.
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