Alright so, my original post here, I was a dick. Seriously though, I need some advice. Tired of trying to deal with it alone. I'm at a complete loss. To keep it short, I have a six year old son with autism. He was officially diagnosed a year and a half ago, but with where I live, there are not a whole lot of resources to help out. Which would also explain this painstaking descend into one hell of a depression. So, for six years I've literally been able to do nothing. I don't associate with my family because they're all drug addicts, drunkards, or want nothing to do with me thanks to my mother having made her children black sheep. I can't very well ask them for help(Which would come in he form of watching my son), because that's flat out poor judgment, especially considering that he's autistic. Now, I do have a partner, and he does work. This leaves with me with our son all day every day throughout the week. Since there is no family I can trust, and there are no resources available that'd allow for proper daycare, I can not do anything. Early on, it was easy to at leas go for walks, but he's now over half my size(I'm a short girl), has no concept of danger, and doesn't listen. So, going out has become impossible. He's rough with other kids, he'll run out into traffic. No harness or otherwise works because, despite the fact that he won't talk, he is smart as hell and knows how to get out of everything. He's gotten so strong that he can pull away from me with enough effort, and the tantrums are so extreme that, if he can't get away from me, being out is an absolute nightmare. I've even been stopped by police. Heck, even had police at my door one time because of an extreme tantrum where he was hitting himself that someone called and said they thought they heard me slap him! Just for reference. These aren't petty little fits. Soothing tantrums or redirecting doesn't work. He fixates and that is that. End of story. All in all, I'm trapped. I've been trapped. A <mod edit - methods> looks better each and every single day. I'm an unhappy person and it shows vividly through pure bitterness and resentment. From where I'm standing, there is NOTHING I can do to improve my situation because I can't even get out long enough to do anything. This child has only been babysat by one person in the entire six years that he has been alive! Sure, my partner has taken him out now and again, but apart from that, nothing. He also doesn't go to school long enough for me to even have a part time job! Because of this fucking autism shit. I'm at a complete loss, man. People tell me to just go out and do shit, and it's like, yeah... okay. Let me get right on that. Let me change my life for the better by doing something that is literally impossible for me to do. I have considered signing over legal guardianship and seriously just, disappearing and see where the wind takes me, basically. <mod edit - methods>. A person can't seriously be contained for six long fucking years and not suffer from some serious problems man. I'm losing it. The only person I have to talk to verbally is my husband, and it's been like this for six god damn years. Seriously losing it.