Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Serpent, Feb 10, 2016.

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  1. Serpent

    Serpent Member

    Alright so, my original post here, I was a dick. Seriously though, I need some advice. Tired of trying to deal with it alone. I'm at a complete loss.

    To keep it short, I have a six year old son with autism. He was officially diagnosed a year and a half ago, but with where I live, there are not a whole lot of resources to help out. Which would also explain this painstaking descend into one hell of a depression. So, for six years I've literally been able to do nothing. I don't associate with my family because they're all drug addicts, drunkards, or want nothing to do with me thanks to my mother having made her children black sheep. I can't very well ask them for help(Which would come in he form of watching my son), because that's flat out poor judgment, especially considering that he's autistic.

    Now, I do have a partner, and he does work. This leaves with me with our son all day every day throughout the week. Since there is no family I can trust, and there are no resources available that'd allow for proper daycare, I can not do anything. Early on, it was easy to at leas go for walks, but he's now over half my size(I'm a short girl), has no concept of danger, and doesn't listen. So, going out has become impossible. He's rough with other kids, he'll run out into traffic. No harness or otherwise works because, despite the fact that he won't talk, he is smart as hell and knows how to get out of everything. He's gotten so strong that he can pull away from me with enough effort, and the tantrums are so extreme that, if he can't get away from me, being out is an absolute nightmare. I've even been stopped by police. Heck, even had police at my door one time because of an extreme tantrum where he was hitting himself that someone called and said they thought they heard me slap him! Just for reference. These aren't petty little fits.

    Soothing tantrums or redirecting doesn't work. He fixates and that is that. End of story.

    All in all, I'm trapped. I've been trapped. A <mod edit - methods> looks better each and every single day. I'm an unhappy person and it shows vividly through pure bitterness and resentment. From where I'm standing, there is NOTHING I can do to improve my situation because I can't even get out long enough to do anything. This child has only been babysat by one person in the entire six years that he has been alive! Sure, my partner has taken him out now and again, but apart from that, nothing. He also doesn't go to school long enough for me to even have a part time job! Because of this fucking autism shit.

    I'm at a complete loss, man. People tell me to just go out and do shit, and it's like, yeah... okay. Let me get right on that. Let me change my life for the better by doing something that is literally impossible for me to do.

    I have considered signing over legal guardianship and seriously just, disappearing and see where the wind takes me, basically. <mod edit - methods>. A person can't seriously be contained for six long fucking years and not suffer from some serious problems man. I'm losing it. The only person I have to talk to verbally is my husband, and it's been like this for six god damn years. Seriously losing it.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 10, 2016
  2. Deety

    Deety Well-Known Member

    That sounds like a really hard situation to be in. Any chance of getting out of the house for a while when your husband is home in the evenings (or for a weekend to yourself)? I'm sure you've tried all sorts of things already, but are there any online groups for people in similar situations? They may have some ideas.
    I guess the real point though is keep talking to your husband and here, keep venting, because when you are frustrated and depressed, feeling alone makes everything worse.
  3. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    That really is a tough situation to be in, and I'm so sorry to hear how you're struggling!

    I can't even begin to imagine what it is like to raise a special needs child.

    Have you searched for communities for other parents in your situation? If not where you live then online perhaps? There are so many parents who have been, and are exactly in the same situation as you and will be able to offer you some real support and advice on how to handle this.

    Here in Denmark there is 'half time' foster family care... (I know because my mother did that for a while with an autistic boy... which she handled a lot better than her actual daughter...) and there are also institutions where the kids can stay for a few weekends every week. I know that has helped a lot of parents, and kids as well.

    I know it's not always possible and the options are not the same all over the world, though...
  4. Serpent

    Serpent Member

    Not really, and I'd explain but it would only be a nasty response. Just say he could do more to allow me some free time but doesn't. That said... I actually haven't been out of this god forsaken house in some six months now. He sleeps on the weekends.

    Also, I have tried finding people in similar situations, so far no dice. Most people have at least one influence in their life that could help out now and again. I'm literally just being driven insane because I can't have that.

    As I mentioned above, there really isn't a whole lot of people who share my situation to this severity, and if there is, I've never met them. I don't think communicating with another person online, even if I did find them, would really help me though. All I can picture is venting back and forth about these problems which would probably only frustrate me more. There isn't a whole lot to do aside from exchanging ideas, and I feel I've exploited every option available to me already.

    We don't have anything like that here, well, the town I'm in. I live in an extremely small town. City is some 45 minutes to an hour and a half away, and from doing some research, still not anything quite like that. Just a whole lot of church help, but none deal with children who have special needs. It's this state mostly, it's extremely lacking in resources. There is somewhere I'm wanting to move that has A LOT, an overwhelming ton of resources for parents who have children with special needs, but until there's a break in this shitty lifestyle as of current, it's basically a pipe dream to ever get there.
  5. Serpent

    Serpent Member

    Just to add, I don't even have neighbors. I've been shunned and demonized by them because of my child's behavior. Like I said, he doesn't get along with other children, and the tantrums he throws makes them think I beat the ever living shit out of him on a near daily basis. For instance just tonight, I wouldn't let him have anything to drink before bed because he was just pouring it out on the carpet and coming to get me for more. He SCREAMED bloody murder and started hitting walls. It's not hard for people to hear these things. I literally cried because this shit is giving me extreme panic attacks. I don't know how to deal with these things anymore. But anyway, this is also partially due to the reason I don't go out anymore. I get the nastiest looks, and if not that, I'm being stopped by police for his insane behavior, or he's getting away from me and running out into traffic. It's all just become too much, and there is no help for me.

    I think this would all be easier if we at least had a fence in yard, but we don't. That said he'll also run into the neighbors yard and try to play with their kids' toys. I've gotten some of the nastiest responses because of that, even if I hurriedly ran over and got him away from them.

    I just don't fucking know anymore.
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