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Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by thatguy67, Apr 11, 2016.

  1. thatguy67

    thatguy67 Member

    I haven't been on this site in a while now, it's changed a lot. I honestly don't even know why I'm on this site. Since my last posts I've gotten better in some aspects, I lost 65 pounds, and I'm know a healthy 215 lbs. But my mental health has in all honesty worsened, I've gotten to the point where I don't cry anymore. I don't feel sorry for myself either, I know nothing that happened to me is my fault, but I've accepted it happened. I don't really grieve anymore, I sometimes get angry, I sometimes get sad, but for the most part I'm emotionally dead. I still can't talk to people, I'm basically incapable of maintaining a conversation. I basically sit in the background watching everyone else progress, I still don't take chances, still get picked on from time to time. Although it's much worse than before I just don't care at all anymore. You always here people say I don't care what people say when really they do and hide it but I really don't and honestly I know it's a bad thing. I have no motivation, I see no future for myself, but yes I know I must trudge on because things will get better, at least that's what they say. I honestly know I will never physically harm myself I just don't see a point of hurting yourself while hurting, if I even hurt anymore. No one knows about the real me, no one really asks either. No one shows interest in me but I've gotten used to it, nowadays I wake up go to school then go sit at the marina and stare at the ocean there's nothing poetic about it i just get bored. Still haven't touched drugs, don't plan on it either, at this point I'm waiting to see to see something good happen to me for once. I know I shouldn't wait for success I should make it happen, but everywhere I go failure is my outcome. I've probably gotten off topic anyways in fact screw grammar I'll just write I don't know what to do anymore I've hit every dead end but yet I want to do something great but you know what they say good things come to those who wait and that's what I'm doing because right now I'm completely empty and I'm not here because I want pity or advice I'm just here to write to admit what's going on with me to myself I need just something no matter how small to motivate me because at this point I can honestly say I have no one that truly cares and I'm beyond the point of caring I just wish I had someone anyone some of you can probably relate a friend a lover a shoulder but no by the looks of it I'll have to go it alone but I'm used to it i just hope success finds me if anyone responds I probably won't even read it because online it's empty words and if you do have a word for me that's sincere I would've appreciated it when I get to another low or high point in my life I will re visit this site my advice to anyone struggling with lonliness or depression is to not give in to harmful thoughts things are the way they are and you just have to continue on and hope to one day reach the good days I had those once and I know I will again it's just a matter of when if you're still reading by now thank you for caring enough to take the time no I'm not exactly ok yes my life is still rough but no I'm not giving up we all have demons to face mine just apparently wanna fight me for a long ass time I've never said my real name on this site it's Noah I'm just another person struggling with depression, lonliness, and social anxiety but I hope in time things will get better. :)
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Thanks so much for the encouraging words. Well done on losing 65lb, that is amazing, may I ask how you managed to lose all of that weight? It's superb. I am struggling with my weight so could use some sound advice. I am so sorry you are suffering, social anxiety is extemely hard to overcome but as you stated we will get there. Keep on fighting and don't give into the demons. Well done Noah, you have come a long way,I admire your determination :)
     
  3. thatguy67

    thatguy67 Member

    It's simple like everyone says I only drink water I eat about 2000 calories a day breakfast is something like oatmeal or plain Cheerios with almond milk lunch I eat a sandwich on whole wheat with slices of chicken or turkey with different seasoning with fruits and veggies and nuts then for dinner I bake chicken usually tenderloins or breasts and eat it with veggies usually green beans and a plain sweet potato then I jog about 4 to 5 miles every night and thanks for the support :)
     
    Northern and Petal like this.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    mmmm sounds lovely. I'm eating a lot of fish and fruit and veggies, eating about 1500 cals a day but not exercising, maybe that is my downfall. I rarely drink water, i drink diet coke mostly, am i doing this diet wrongly? and you are very welcome =)
     
  5. thatguy67

    thatguy67 Member

    Lol I think your fine I'm not one to tell you what to do but I would recommend jogging or whatever type of excercise u prefer for an hour a day whenever you can fit it in and of course I would recommend drinking water and everyone's body's are different too I probably had more weight to lose it also took a while for me to get going it only works if you stay consistent
     
    Petal likes this.
  6. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I just wanted to say congratulations for all the progress you have already made, wow! You're really strong for having achieved all of this, maybe you're not there already, but you have come far! Keep up the fight, things do get better!