:/

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by brknsilence, Aug 5, 2016.

  1. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    My husband and I discussed the visit we will have with my dad and stepmom this Sunday and Monday.

    I told him, not to leave my side during our visit. He understands why I said that but told me there maybe a time he will have to.

    I'm dreading the visit. I'm dreading the conversations. Last I need is them coming off as though I am failing as a parent or a person for that matter.

    My husband was trying to help me know what to say to them if stuff like that comes up, but knowing me, I will freeze up and not say anything at all.

    A part of me just rather disappear and the thoughts of suicide are there - just to escape this and not face the conversations. Why do I keep going to suicide like this? Why can't I find the courage to say something in a positive, respectful manner? Why am I so scared?

    Just saddens me that I'm like this. I hate myself for being like this. Yes, I want to change but why can't I just do it?

    I just don't want to do the visit. Just don't want to go. But I have to. :(
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    If it all gets too much have an escape plan ok even if it is just to walk outside for awhile or find a room to go too where you can get away I am sorry you have to go wish there was a way you did not have too hugs to you
     
    calvinandhobbs and SinisterKid like this.
  3. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    The escape plan is genius, nice one total eclipse.

    You will get through this. Your mind is catastrophising the visit, you are thinking the worst possible case scenario. Thats what the anxiety/stress/depression does to your mind. In fact, it will probably be nowhere near as bad as you think its going to be, but you wont believe that until its over and done.
     
    Deety, calvinandhobbs and IamTetsuo like this.
  4. IamTetsuo

    IamTetsuo Well-Known Member

    This is generally excellent advice for any feeling of impending doom! Beyond that you can even try to get it into your head that it's going to go really well, maybe spend some time writing down things that could go well and visualise it. Also, don't feel like you need to defend yourself to anybody.
     
    calvinandhobbs likes this.
  5. WhoaThisPlaceIsScary

    WhoaThisPlaceIsScary Well-Known Member

    Everytime you have anxiety just remember..We are floating around on a ball,and another ball made of lava stuff and fire allows us to see.I can't fathom anyone knows wtf is going on...so who cares.. just exist and do the best you can..who God bless no man may curse.
     
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  6. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone.

    I just wish my thoughts weren't like this. Just don't want to face anyone really and rather disappear.

    Just hoping to pull through this soon.
     
    Deety and calvinandhobbs like this.
  7. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    You will hun. I have faith in you. Your going to be ok.
     
    calvinandhobbs likes this.
  8. calvinandhobbs

    calvinandhobbs Well-Known Member

    My hugs to you. ((( )))
     
  9. Deety

    Deety Well-Known Member

    Hugs and best of luck to you.
     
  10. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone
     
  11. Deety

    Deety Well-Known Member

    Also, one technique I used to use because my step-mother-in-laws insults were so predictable was to make it into a game in my head. Each type of insult was on a mental list/bingo board, so every time she insulted me, I got closer to winning a game lol. Still hurtful, but a lot easier to cope with. Eventually it wasn't hurtful for me, and just kind of funny, because she was so nasty and predictable. It was easier to see it was all her not me when I was playing the game. She had certain insults she would always be sure to make, even if it involved quite a manipulation of the conversation on her part lol.
     
  12. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    My stepmom has a control issue. Drives me nuts.
     
  13. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    ((hugs)) you will pull through this, read my signature pet :)
     
  14. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member