Ester,
You are not banned from the forum anymore. You can log in as usual, but you are now under moderation. This means you cannot enter chat, but you are still able to post on the forum (your posts will need to be approved before they are visible).
I hear that you're in a lot of pain right now and I'm sorry for that. You may feel that drugs and alcohol help you but i hope you can see that while you're so out of control, we cannot allow you to come off moderation. Your recent behaviour has been triggering to members and furthermore, you have blatently ignored several occasions when staff have asked you to calm down.
I hope you will get some help for what you're going through.. and maybe the job on Tuesday will help keep you busy. You're still welcome to post for help and support if you want to, but you will remain under moderation until you can adhere to SF rules & guidelines again.
:hug:
Jenny