I think im gonna have to take a year off. Its too much. I cant even begin, i dont know where to begin. Im in my first year of college and the last exams are in the next two and a half weeks. I cant. And it hurts so much, physics means the world to me. I would give everything to have the strength and concentration to study. I would, i promise i would. I think im gonna have to take a year off and it kills me inside. Im crying right now i cant even.. I cant imagine a life where im not studying physics and i dont want to. It feels like its being taken away from me and at the same time like its my fault. Im noone without my education and i would despise myself if i quit on my ‘dream’ to get a PhD.. Every day that isnt packed with a full schedule and i wake up thinking how i have nothing to do that day, in the next two hours suicidal thoughts creep up on me so i just go to bed and try to sleep - rinse and repeat. If you stop moving, you die. Sharks do. I really want to be but im not perfect, right now im not even adequate. Im ashamed of myself for even thinking about quitting and i hate the position im in. I feel so helpless. I know my friends would tell me im not quitting, im just taking a break, but my time is running out already and my life is slipping away from me second by second and im unable to move. Im just so so tired.