18 Male, 2 attempts and fighting the 3rd

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by braddd, May 21, 2009.

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  1. braddd

    braddd Member

    dunno what to say really here to who evers reading this somewhere in the world...

    I'm 18 and just experiencing a whole new life..univeristy new friends and the like but this year went wrong and now i'm back to "my old self". just sitting in on friday nights smoking weed, moping about my flat and been a general drain on society. ..well the univeristy thing im gonna re-start next term...so things could get better (this is my "light" from the darkness...as it was this time last year before uni went wrong)

    Now about me, I first tryed suicide at 16 over an ex girlfriend who did something tht kinda hurt...I would be here for a few weeks if we went through it but here it is in a few words

    we went out for nearly 2 years...i saw her moths after we broke up (for the first time) i get a cuddle kiss and a "we need to see eachother sometime"...she gives me her number and the next day I ring and she says "who's this"

    kinda hard to understand for YOU to understand why i tryed suicide over that but I was very obsessed with her a while back and got caught in the moment after she rejected me like that...weird to see someone who was once my rock struggling to guess who I was over the phone

    the 2nd time was the usual crap...you all know what the usual crap is so I'll spare u the lecture

    each time i've tryed I've taken pills (hard to find guns in england) and they NEVER work...this whole OD thing is bs if you ask me lol

    well here I am almost 2 years later..back to feeling the same way...blanking girls who show interest in me and just geenrally coming across as a very self absord narcistic teenager...I'm not ugly or feel im ugly so my self esteem with myself is good but why cant i get past the fact that im not the suicidal 16 year i once was...why do i keep reverting back to this

    I dont want to see a "professional" or tell anyone i know..suicide is very personal and i dont know anyone on THAT sort of personal level to seek help so here i am

    what can I do to get out of this depression before i find myself with 30 pills down my throat pissed out of my head bawling my eyes out...
  2. BlondRedHead

    BlondRedHead Well-Known Member

    Pretty intense buddy. It feels lame giving feel good advice on here but you're smart enough to tell someone (the forum) how your feeling so I can get over myself and open up in response.

    It sounds so cliche but it will get better. Everyone says, "...you have your whole life ahead of you" and it just makes it worse when you can barely handle the 18 yrs you've spent in it so far. But I swear it changes. Life doesn't get easier, things don't come easy, ever. Don't let that scare you though, because while it isn't easy it changes. Your tolerance changes and the way you take it all in. You are only eighteen. I don't mean to say you don't know anything or shouldn't feel this or that way because honestly, the hardest years I believe are between 15-30! They start getting better around 27-28 but really those are the years we come into our own. We become separate thinkers from our parents and family, we change physically and emotionally and become our own human being. Then, we get to go into into the world and are expected to find ourselves. But like I said, it does change. All of a sudden the masks fall off, the attitudes and prejudice and you start to feel comfortable in your own skin.

    Being alone is the hardest, feeling like you have no one but it isn't true. There are so many people who are looking as well. One bit of advice I can give is stop smoking dope. It triggers the dopomine levels in your brain to rise and not for the better. It makes you down, your muscles stunned and releases chemicals in your brain that actually take away from your creativity. I LOVE pot, loved it in college but I realized it was keeping so many people I know down. You are just starting out. Clear your body.

    You haven't even begun to live yet. Please do not hurt yourself. Don't do anything you wont have the chance to regret later because that's all life is. It's a giant trial and error. You are going to die someday eventually, try living first. Get in as much as you can and do something you love. Don't hurt people, don't hurt yourself but be free. Go to classes, get that crap done so you can move on to the next thing because trust me. you don't want to be 27 saying, I am going back next term I swear and feeling suicidal. F*** it, go to a group therapy session, like AA for depressives because you can listen in without saying anything!

    If you ever get to the point where you feel so lost you actually want to end it, that things are so bad you will kill yourself. Leave. Just go and expalin later but go away. Save yourself. Live.

    Hope I helped, hope so in some way. Late.
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    How do you follow up with the OP above.. They covered it very well.. Get your education now.. Stop smoking pot because it just holds you back.. I know from personal experience.. I started when I was 12 and didn't quit until y early 30's...I could have gone to college for free because my dad worked there..Don't end up like me uneducated.. Employers now adays want to see that degree..Your life will get better, don't rush things..
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