+18. whats wrong with me

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Izziebabystar, Sep 15, 2008.

  1. Izziebabystar

    Izziebabystar Well-Known Member

    i think somthings wrong with me
    its hard to explain
    when ever i try to pleasure myself i can do it. and i reach climax easily
    but when my bf tries to do the same
    i dont find any pleasure out of it
    he does what i do and everything
    still nothing
    i dont know why but it feels like a chore like somthign thats gotta be done
    so then i fake and i feel a complete bitch

    i dont know whats going on
    i think somthings wrong with me
    :(
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 15, 2008
  2. kenny

    kenny Well-Known Member

    The biggest sexual organ is the brain, it has been said.

    It sounds like you're not able to totally relax with your boyfriend.
    I'm no expert but there are a few things you could try.

    You could try spending more time leading up to touching each other - build up the excitment.
    what about getting him to give you a massage? or make him kiss you all over but deny him access to 'certain places' until an agreed time.

    Have you tried bringing yourself to a climax with him in the room, or watching?

    In order to fully relax, you need to be completely comfortable with your partner. it can be hard to 'let go'. How long have you been together?
     
  3. Izziebabystar

    Izziebabystar Well-Known Member

    weve technicaly been together a just over a month BUT weve been touchy feely since ive known him
    ive known him for about 4 years
    i trust him totaly and love him to bits
     
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    You could always try a vibrator to help.
     
  5. abyss

    abyss Well-Known Member

    not to get too personal, but a few things could be behind this. guess my first question would be: have you ever climaxed by another person? or only by yourself?

    secondly: were you the victem of any sexual abuse in your life? often times those who have suffered sexual abuse are not able to reach climax with a partner due to the brain making associations. could be that 1)if you felt guilt about the abuse, that your brain sees it as something bad and wont allow pleasure. 2)if you felt scared, your brain keeps on edge waiting for the need to trigger the fight or flight stimulus unable to discern the loving relationship from the painful memory. 3)if you felt violated, your body could essentially "shut down" all sexual drives when being touched by another person in the memory of the abuse.

    all these can be worked past in a loving relationship with good communication. also, if you are in therapy currently your doc may be able to give you some insight and maybe some trust exersises you could to to help heal and retrain your brain.

    or perhaps none of this applies to you and if so, please disregard.:tongue:
     
  6. Smashed__

    Smashed__ Well-Known Member

    don't fake it, ever! You should trust and love your partner enough to be honest, and state what feels good and what doesn't.