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19 has turned 50. still depressed

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jondoe7, Dec 27, 2009.

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  1. jondoe7

    jondoe7 Member

    in march i'll turn 50. been depressed since my teens. it never got better. never married or had a family. washed up and old now. have lived a joyless solitary existence. have been alone for every holiday and birthday. couldn't be more bitter.

    fantasize about killing myself but cant because my sister needs me. our brother and mother commited suicide when we were kids. still have my health but never lived
  2. Jseer

    Jseer Active Member

    Should my own life ever turn around, i would fly EVERYONE here who has been doing the solo thing where all could just be in the company of eachother in unified comfort with our bizzare and established selves!
    You know, where chatting would be an OPTION and NOT a required 'must'.
    Just being in the pressence of a group of complete non-judgers would be such quite a healing that those currently seeing 'us' every day don't really give much crap on how to cope with the given non care.
  3. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    That sounds lovely Jseer. Jondoe - im online alot, i feel extremely lonely in a foreign country at the moment. If you ever need company or a pm buddy just shout me :)
  4. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I think that you should write a book~

    My dad's only a few years older than you and he's pretty much the same way.
    He has found a bit of happiness through his music and his new baby kitty.
    Do you like animals? Have any pets? I think they're great companions!

    I'm glad that you still have one person you care enough about to stick around.
    Please keep posting and we'll listen!
    You've got friends here~ <3
  5. Kath123

    Kath123 Active Member

    The zero years are awful. This year I'll turn 40 and I have nothing and feeling that landmark coming up makes me want to die more than ever.
  6. History

    History Well-Known Member

    I was in my early 20s when i first got my major depression. At that time, I wondered how my life would be in my 30s if I do not get any better. I forsee that I would end up with nothing, a total failure with nothing in life. Well, I'm 38 now and sure enough, my life turned out exactly as I anticipated in my early 20s. Soon, I'll be 40 and it's going to get worse and worse. Don't even dare to imagine my 50s. Probably end up homeless, penniless and begging in the streets since I am mentally unstable and can't hold a job.
  7. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm 45 and have the kids, the bills, the ex, had RL friends and family. And you know what. When you are sitting on the edge, waiting to take that last jump, none of that makes a difference. Yes I've had so many things that others may of wanted. But they are things in my life. They are not me. Those things are not you. You are you.

    I lived next door to a woman who was completely independent at 94!!!! One day several of her friends came to visit but she was out for lunch with some other friends. These women saw me sitting on my front porch and asked me to tell S**** that they had stopped by. Later that afternoon S**** was walking past my house so I relayed the message. She asked who and I said "I dont know their names they were older ladies in their 60's ( I was 28 at the time)." S**** calmly replied " Hun when you're 94 .... 60 is young. I have tons of young friends, too bad you didnt get their names!"

    You are still young. You have tons of time to get a few of those things in your life if you really want them. But remember they are an extension of you. The real you is the person right now that is feeling like there is nothing left in life worth finding. But there are tons of things if you can find reasons in yourself to want to hold on. To try and find those extensions.

    And you have found a place where so many others can relate and understand what you are facing and fighting. So please keep posting. Let us get a chance to meet you and see what and how we can help you through this. How we can help you see 51, 52 and beyond.

    I know how you feel. Sure I'm 45. But for some reason in my head i'm stuck at 26. Maybe you need to find another age to be stuck at. I dont know the answers to what you're struggling with. But I do know that I can offer to help you anyway I can. So please post, tell us a little more about you. There is help and people that care. If you can take only one thing from what I've posted please let it be that you are no longer alone with your struggle.
  8. whytryanymore

    whytryanymore Well-Known Member

    Dont take this the wrong way but at 21 i cant even fathom being that old. If i do live to be that old then i will have to off myself even if i do somehow magicaly get all beter, life is over by then, at least in my eyes. Of course the few thrills i can remember in the last 10+ years have been near death experiences, and i honnestly wish i hadnt been wearing my seatbelt 18 months ago when i rolled my roomates car 4 times the car ended up lookin like it had been crushed already, i had to kick the door open, great fun!
  9. optimistic

    optimistic Member

    so what's the point in living this meaningless life.. living till age of 90s and doing nothing?? better to spend the life in a jungle as an animal
  10. jjjoooggg2

    jjjoooggg2 Well-Known Member

    You must have at least one hobby that keeps you going. I like to mountain bike. Your family needs you. And that makes you important. My parents drive me crazy. But I do fill a purpose.
  11. sosotired

    sosotired Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear that you are feeling so down and it must be hard having had other suicides in the family.

    Have you tried out some self-help books/tapes/cd's?? If not you might want to see if they help.

  12. jondoe7

    jondoe7 Member

    hey all,

    thanks for caring.
  13. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I'm 53 and still depressed. I've been depressed all my life. My 20 year old doesn't understand why I clown around. I told her I was born 100 years old and I'm getting younger and that I'm in my teens now.

    I can lighten up some now. I'm not much concerned what others think anymore, which is a new freedom.
  14. prakash

    prakash Well-Known Member

    sorry to hear of your long drawn depression. I think many people have given you good answers. Try to have a pet like a dog or a cat. They are great companions. Of course the best one a human being but some people are unable to make friend. So, pet is great idea. Also try to have a hobby. Any hobby will do.

    I have a friend who is depressed. I am not but reading the stories of others makes me depressed sometimes.

    I wish I could be of more help. I think the fact that your relatives committed suicide did a lot of damage to you. It is natural. But I hope you will realize that you should not get too depressed over others commiting suicide.
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