I really don't mean to sound whiny, but I hate living on this planet. I want to disappear and never come back. I wasn't meant to be here. I fantasize about suicide daily, and today had an urge to begin planning. I'm a homosexual. I've realized that's never going to change. I've known since I was 7. I don't want to have to deal with spending a lifetime hiding and lying. Pretending I'm okay when I'm not. My parents would be so upset and hate me if they knew and I would cause the family endless shame. I feel like everyone would hate me. I'm a burden to them and to to this world in which I don't belong. I feel I have no future, no hope. The only time I'm happy is when I sleep. Just die and it would all be over, painlessly (I've had enough pain already). I have no friends either. No one to talk to about my death wish with. I've never really had friends before. The other day someone told me how gays are not better than murderers because of HIV/AIDS, and I suggested to him I might be gay. He responded saying he hopes I die of AIDS. To feel hated by so many for something I am is the worst feeling I've ever had. So I feel I'm left with but one option, take my own life. I would be better off and so too would the world. Death seems rational to me. Why can't I just leave this horrible place?