Hi everyone, I thought I'd write a bit on recent suicidal feelings from the point of a male-to-female transsexual. I'm 19 and have run away from home more than 3 weeks ago with the help of friends, living in a caravan. I've been enjoying freedom since, wearing all the make-up and dresses I felt like wearing in public and going out with friends. This week, however, everything changed. I lost a large chunk of confidence after coming to the conclusion that people weren't even seeing me as a transsexual, let alone a woman - Given that people didn't even question my gender as I interacted with the public. I know it's gonna sound pathetic, and it is a unique kind of sorrow that very few would ever know of.. but I felt deeply insulted and wounded the moment I walked into a bank and spoke to the man at the customer service, who was quick to call me 'Mate' and 'Bud' even while I was dressed in the most fashionable outfit including a dress and makeup. I spent the whole day (and the next day) doing nothing but crying myself to the point of headaches and dryness in my eyes. I wouldn't be able to sleep, half dreaming.. seeing imagery of my facial bone structures floating across the ceiling, resembling the photo shots that I sent to a Facial feminization clinic (who told me they'd get back to me in 10 days with the pricing quotation). I would also hear motorcycle and train noises. They were speaking to me, mocking my existence. The pain was incinerating the inside of my ribs. I deleted all my Facebook photos including the account itself, and have since lost in touch with all of my friends. I wouldn't know what to say to them, to be honest. I am alone in this. I feel disgusting and less than human. I feel like a man in a dress living in a trailer. I want to die.