just feeling so down tonight. i dont even have a good reason to be. i guess its just the norm for me isnt it. fucking hell. im all teary. alone at 4am. sitting in bed watching bloody jeremy kyle. i want to do some exercise but i know it'll wake my mom up. maybe i should photograph my fat fat body. i need some motivation to change. damn im not doing myself any favours. i wish i was home alone. i cant wait till the morning when my mom goes to work and im alone. i want her here. shes so good me. i need her to hold me and tell me everything is ok. she is the only reason i smile. damn tears falling down my face. why am i such a loser. the world must be so ashamed of me. and now ive got it into my head that on some pro ana sites im being used as ''reverse thinspiration'' im scared to look at them ones incase im there. i wish everything was just easier sometimes. i wish my heart would calm down. i just want to breathe normally. i dont want to be worrying all the time. i dont want to be remembering shit stuff. why cant i just break free from all the shit in my head. why cant i just be anti social without people pestering me about it???