I managed to get a price today of the instrument which will be helping me to be happy again. As im in the UK - this instrument is not only illegal but unless you work for the army or know some very shady characters (which ashamedly I know) then you will probrably never ever see one if you lived here. Its quick Its painless Theres no chance of waking up going "oops that hurts" - probrably because half of my head will be missing. My concious mind right now is over ticking all the reasons why I shouldn't do it But the feeling I get when thinking about just stopping everything really does make me excited like I have said previously, like im excited about a holiday. Everything and everyone around me feels like a dream, conversations are just noises and even the most basic desire of a being with a partner has gone. Its to be delivered in 4 weeks time if I agree to it. What preperations do I make? ANd yes, right now i've started counselling, i've changed meds, i've made new friends, but it all doesn't matter. Im sorry.