1st time admission

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by listed soul, Feb 1, 2011.

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  1. listed soul

    listed soul New Member

    okay, I've never posted before and I'm totally new here. Basically, here is my situation. I am a male, and I have been sort of depressed for about 5 years. Well, I've been mildly depressed for most of my life but in the last five years I've actually truly wanted to just end it. I have very few friends and the ones I have either can't or won't help. I try to put on the mask of happiness but one of my friends noticed I wasn't my usual "happy" self. She was awesome for trying to help but the whole time we "talked" she was texting her boyfriend and I just felt like a burden. On to why this started. When I was younger, up until now, I have had so few friends and my family was distant. Also, I think I might be gay. Wow, I actually said it. I've had relationships with girls and I really did love them, but I still was somewhat attracted to other boys. My mom is a hard-core christian so I can't talk to her about it. I hear all the anti-gay talk both of my parents talk about. I can't tell my friends because they would treat me different, I know because one of my other friends came out and they treat him different now, not bad just different. I can't talk to that friend because he can't keep a secret at all. Listen, if you are reading this and have made it this far thank you. I just want to die. I am tired and I just hate life and people. I've been bullied since grade school and I just can't take it anymore. The only reason I'm still here is because I'm an atheist but I am still scared. I don't want to die, I just want this to stop, and I can't find a way out. I want to see a psychiatrist but I can't let people find out and I can't talk to one since I know they break confidentiality. Before you tell e they don't, one of my friend's mom is a psychiatrist and I have heard her tell her son about the things she hears. Whether people I know find out or other people, I just don't want people to find out, they already think I'm weak and they can't know this. Please if you read this through, what can I do?
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...because your friend's mother shares with her son (uggh!) does not mean all doctors and therapists breach confidentiality...that should not stop you from getting the help you need...about your sexuality...sexuality is not black or white...we are attracted to who we are attracted to, and that is determined by so many factors...being gay is intrincitcally inherent...ppl do not choose this...please be aware that although your family is homophobic, does not mean the world is...yes, there are ppl like this, as you know, but there are also ppl who fully understand this is the way ppl are born...please continue to post and hopefully, you will find ppl here who both relate to what you are saying and accept it without hestitation...welcome again, J
     
  3. Ouroboros

    Ouroboros Chat Buddy

    Hey, welcome to SF, I'm glad you found us :hug: I'm not sure what advice to give, having not experienced quite ur predicament. I have seen a therapist before, and they are meant to be confidential but how can you be sure, right? Perhaps you could find one, that is far enough away and that has absolutely no connection to anyone you know. As for the 'You think you might be gay' Its difficult, I think many people question their sexuality, you have been with girls, have you felt attracted to them? because its not always clear cut, you may be bi, its something you have to work out for urself and not be ashamed of (no matter ur parents views) - I think with this you may found it useful to look to a gay forum or talk to others here that have questionned their sexuality or are openly gay. They have been down that road or may be on it still and may have had similar odstacles to you. Coming out is never easy because many people have different opinions on the subject, but it is far worse to be untrue to urself. Having said that I personally wouldn't come out as gay until you know for sure who you are, because you don't need all the heart ache of some people maybe not accepting and then maybe ur unsure and 'go back'.

    Finding a way to help yourself is a hard process but I know people that have accomplished it, so it is possible to get over depression. I hope that you can find some more helpful people around here than me :laugh: but if you ever want a chat or whatever you can pm me :smile:

    :hug: xxxx
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi glad your here. My child is going through the same thoughts you are having with sexual identitiy there is not shame in who you are. You cannot hide or be someone else it will only confuse you more. I think if you can talk to someone like said outside your community where it will be private. I hope you can reach out to someone you trust to talk about what you are going through a coucilor a teacher someone you trust because it is hard when you feel all alone. Here you can talk openly about anything okay we won't judge we will actually understand and will try to help hugs
     
  5. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF, hope to stay and continue to talk this out with us.

    I believe that we all live our own lives, people will always find something to descriminate against you. People are just that way, but if your friends treat you differant then maybe they arent the friends you need.

    My sister came out well just a couple of years ago, after having 3 children. She found it hard at first but shes now happy with the life she lives and thats all that matters. I think if you confront your mom about this she will eventually come to terms with it, I can say that as a mom, because if she doesnt then it means loosing her child and there no way she will let that happen.

    Do you think if you came out that it would make your life satisfying? Will you then be at peace with yourself? If the answer is yes then why would you deny yourself that oppurtunity.

    Hope today is treating you better.
     
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