Yep , i have 2 days to go , so people please DO NOT SAY a prayer to God to Stop me.... okay??? I know without a doubt i will probably get a pm or even a reply back here telling me that i want attention or something like that but thats not true and in fact i think i will block the pms except for admin , mods , and those on my buddy list so i will not receive such a hateful email as i did the last time.. I have a question and would like an honest answer from you back on it, well from all who wish to reply if any, Why do you want me to stay here and suffer more with this cancer that i have??? And why do you want me to fight when i am getting weaker every day and my body and face are looking bad? I mean i cant win.. anyone who has ever seen or known of anybody that has cancer knows they will not get better.. You have seen the effects and what it does to someone so why cant you see that i want none of that pain? I dont want any attention.. if i did i would walk down the street naked or rob a bank or something.. but i do want this pain to end so why is it to hard or to much to ask those that have prayed to God to stop the prayers so i can get the time to end it? Stop having God interfer with my life by making something happen so i can complete my task this sunday and get it over with... I have more then one that im battling.. If the Daltons could help ease my mind then i could fight this cancer with all the strength i have left until it would take me and then i could say i went down fighting.. or if i did not have this cancer then i could fight the emotional battle and probably win.. But im now in a no win situation... I cant fight the cancer cause it is killing me and taking way to much of me to try and hold on that i have to finally give up which is what i have been trying to do for the past month but something always interfers with that and i cant do it... I am never alone to actually do the dang job which is crazy cause i got 10 times what i took the last time and i got the guts to do it with yet i am never alone to do it... Someone is interfering with it and i need them to quit.. So i am BEGGING you quit the prayers to God... When you do that you are keeping me in this pain, you are keeping me here to suffer much more.. if you love me then please ease up on it and let me go... please :hug: If you love me then let me go.. i did the same with the Daltons.. they never cared for me if they did they would have contacted me by now but they didnt, so i let them go just like im letting myself go and giving up.. if they had cared it might have made a difference in my life, but they dont so i let them go just like im gonna let myself go.. After tonight my hope is that i wont be coming back online here and that i wont be here to come back online , that is if everyone will quit those prayers that i cant do it , etc.. i dont want to live anymore and its not like i have a choice anyway cause im almost dead inside from this cancer and its taking me anyways. 2 DAYS , please , just let me go sunday??? Let me stop the pain my way? i cant fight both and i cant ease one of them... Is that two much to ask for ??? The Daltons couldnt help me put my mind at ease.. they couldnt let me explain , which probably they would overlook it even though it is truth , they didnt and havent ever cared for me, they sure as hell didnt care for my feelings when they left without saying anything to me , without one little card , or one little email or even one little phone call to say hey we are praying for you , etc.. they didnt care enough even though they knew how i thought of them.. i guess they thought i was obsessed but they did not know how i truly felt about them and how i was always afraid they would leave me like everyone else in my life has done me, all they had to of done was come to me and tell me hey you are doing to much , back off some , etc and i could have done that if they had only asked me... I sent them cards and gifts on their birthdays and elaine flowers fort mothers day , etc cause they meant a lot to me and they both have the same birthday as my mom and dad has so how could i ever forget their birthday??? I couldnt , i cant... I am truly surpriced and hurt that they could think of me as that low as that bad a person on the inside , true i did some things and i admit that , but not all things were done by me i know it and God knows it and maybe someday my niece will let them know what she did , but it will be after im gone and then they are gonna be hurt because they believed it was me..... it hurts and it hurts me deeply... i bet that not one day have they ever thought about me.. i even at one time was gonna put it in a suicide note the reason im doing it was because they hurt me and leave it where it can be found when i died but i wanted to make things right.. i needed a peace of mind yet i cant do that... I have asked God to take care of it for me and i know he will.. im sorry MR.DALTON i never meant any hurt to you or your wife.. I JUST LOVED YOU BOTH VERY MUCH.. Probably too much.. 2 days, People please stop the prayers to God , ask him NOT to interfer this time and LET me go.. please just let me go??? Let me go this sunday please??