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2 days....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Neverhappyalwayssad, Jun 5, 2009.

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  1. Neverhappyalwayssad

    Neverhappyalwayssad Well-Known Member

    2 more days, and I'm pretty calm. LOL Having little to no doubts about what I'm gonna be doing soon. Its like that song by nickel back - if today was your last day? But really I'm not doing anything. Lol def not living life to the fullest, because I can't. I do know if for some wierd reason I decide to back out, I'm gonna check myself in a hospital but I'm really hoping I don't back out. I'm not where I wanted to be when I was growing up, I'm def not going where I wanted, where I dreamed I would be going when I was younger.

    This life I'm living is not something I wanted, no one grows up and dreams "hey at 21 I'm gonna commit suicide". I had a plan I would be in a university, doing well, on my way to becoming a pharmacist, making a lot of money when I got out, but things didn't work out like I had planned, like I had dreamed. I have no job, have no desire to get a job, have no desire to change things. I have no hope, I've lost it and I'm def not going to be able to get hope back. I'm hopeless.

    This post def wasn't ment to come off as attention getting, but it probably will. I just needed for someone to see, someone to know that it will be over soon, I will be over soon. Its kinda sad when your the only one who knows that pretty soon your gonna die. I don't see anything that will change, or can change. :( oh well, 2 more days and counting.
  2. KJAB

    KJAB Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    yes, it will be over soon. For all of us. But it doesn't have to be suicide. I'm so sorry, and very saddened by your post. I understand the hopelessness too. If you're 21, you have time to change / develop sooooo much. I wish you well...
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I hope you reconsider. Maybe its best to go to the hospital now? Please do :sad: I'm always around if you need to talk.
  4. Misconduct

    Misconduct Active Member

    hi Chris i really wish i could say something to make you feel better and make it all go much better, please go to the hospital like daisychain said.
    You said in your post 2 days then it will be over, but you can go to the hospital now no waiting just go now to the hospital.

    I hope you feel better.
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you feel this is the step you must take, but it really isn't. there are other options available to you if you will take them. I do wish to caution you against using this thread to run a countdown as the thread will be closed should that happen. We wish to support you in finding a way to move forward with life. Can you tell us what has brought you to this place in your life?
  6. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    I hope you reconsider this. There is a way out of the suicidal thinking.
    PM us if you want to talk.
  7. Neverhappyalwayssad

    Neverhappyalwayssad Well-Known Member

    What has brought me to this? Hmm.... A lot of things. No friends, Never had a girl friend, never been in love, I'm a type one diabetic with depressionlol. I sucked, failed at college, Basically signals that its a good time, to leave before it gets worse, though I'm basically at the bottom of the barrel but It can def get worse. Plus I'm crying for no reason at all, at wierd times. suicidal thoughts plague me at all hours of the day.
    Also how is there hope, when depression and diabetics go hand in hand. I recently read an article that less than 10% of diabetics diagnosised with depression ever fully recover? So I'm expected to live like this, in this hell hole for the rest of my life unless I'm in the lucky 10%. Also, I'm basically using this forum, lol I spend most of my time here playing video games, I can't help people here, and also my dad blames me for my mom getting zoloft, and guess what I'm to blame. I'm to blame for alot of things, I'm not good at anything I do. Also I never did plan to reply, I just needed to get that off my chest cause like I said its kinda sad when you know your gonna die soon and no one else knows.
  8. Neverhappyalwayssad

    Neverhappyalwayssad Well-Known Member

    yea think im gonna just check myself in today since im pretty hysterical if thats the right word,yesterday i was calm n now im cryin non stop so i def dont want to fail again n when im cryin im not in a good set of mind to do it correctly
    n vbulletin has a sucky set up for typin this on my phone
  9. Neverhappyalwayssad

    Neverhappyalwayssad Well-Known Member

    Well I did go checking to a hospital, and they sent me to this psychward in town. Anyways the psychward didn't seem that organized, and there was no 1on1 therapy going there. They prescribed me some new pills and one of them was rispedall which they said is for treatment resistance depression, and also they Diagnosis'd me with BPD,. And I spent in the psych ward for almost 2 weeks, which I didn't like
  10. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I'm glad you went to hospital.

    Did the staff make sure you have someone to see on a regular basis now that you're not on the ward? If they have not set that up already, please look into it. A good therapist can be, literally, a lifesaver.

    Also, I went over this thread and regarding your first post...Perhaps you could ease up on yourself a bit, hun. I'm sure I'd have been a better and happier student if I'd waited a bit and felt more clear-headed when I went to uni. If this isn't the time and it's not the right program for you, give yourself the time and chance to find them.

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