2 more days, and I'm pretty calm. LOL Having little to no doubts about what I'm gonna be doing soon. Its like that song by nickel back - if today was your last day? But really I'm not doing anything. Lol def not living life to the fullest, because I can't. I do know if for some wierd reason I decide to back out, I'm gonna check myself in a hospital but I'm really hoping I don't back out. I'm not where I wanted to be when I was growing up, I'm def not going where I wanted, where I dreamed I would be going when I was younger. This life I'm living is not something I wanted, no one grows up and dreams "hey at 21 I'm gonna commit suicide". I had a plan I would be in a university, doing well, on my way to becoming a pharmacist, making a lot of money when I got out, but things didn't work out like I had planned, like I had dreamed. I have no job, have no desire to get a job, have no desire to change things. I have no hope, I've lost it and I'm def not going to be able to get hope back. I'm hopeless. This post def wasn't ment to come off as attention getting, but it probably will. I just needed for someone to see, someone to know that it will be over soon, I will be over soon. Its kinda sad when your the only one who knows that pretty soon your gonna die. I don't see anything that will change, or can change. oh well, 2 more days and counting.