2 of me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by itmahanh, Jan 16, 2008.

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  1. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I don't know what to do or where to turn anymore. I'm so filled with emotions its crazy. I don't know how to describe it or explain it. But they are filling me with fear. I feel like a snowball in the heat. I'm melting, my emotions are spreading out all around me. I keep trying to hold them all in, but when I do that they get all crazy and confusing. I keep melting and losing control of it all. All the emotions and thoughts are telling me one thing. Just Do It!!! But I'm so scared. I always take great effort in planning my attempts I don't just do it on an impulse. But this time it's different. I'm not scared of dying or the attempt but rather all the unknown factors. They terrifiy me. Not being in control. I don't know how much longer I can keep fighting my emotions. How much longer I have. It's like I'm 2 people. One that wants to "just do it" and the other that is trying to take it slow and make a plan. I'm scared that maybe tomorrow after I drop of the little guy, I'll just drive into something or off the highway. But I'm terrified because I don't want to hurt anyone else. But the urge to do it is stonger than the fear of hurting someone else. ARGH!!! This can't be making any sense and it is getting long and it won't matter anyhow.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 16, 2008
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Please itmahanh, fight the urge to 'just do it.' You've hang on for many years already, why not continue and be a good mother for your children? They need you in their lives. You're their mother. When I was a child, I would have been absolutely devastated if my mother ended her life. Please think about how your death will affect them. I'm around if you need to talk.
     
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