a 2 way conversation quite often it just gets to me the changes in my mood 1 minit i'm so happy the next i am so blue it takes a lot of courage to let anyone see what's really going on inside what is up with me this 2 way conversation that i will write for you is the cross between the happyness and feeling o so blue i could be at the local shop buying something nice then someone tells me i should stop who gave me that advice? i look around as if the person was standing next to me but realise that there's no one there just who could it be? i say out loud that i can't leave i need to leave prepared but someone else responds to me and i start to feel so scared the thoughts are there they will not go i need to get outside thoughts of harm, and thoughts of pain, thoughts of suicide i tell myself that it's okay don't you drift away but the thoughts are there, they will not go, and it's ruining my day i drift away to someplace distant somewhere i don't know everyone they look at me they think it's time to go i'm lost with out a trace i'm talking to myself people think that i'm endangering there health but no i am just sitting there in obvious agrivation far away and lost in my my 2 way conversation we talk about the day so far we talk about the week we talk about how scared i am how scared i am to speak i'm trapped inside this prison i'm locked behind closed doors my life it has become, total devistation it's 1 of many subjects in our 2 way conversation we talk as if we're brothers or long lost special friends i talk about my suffering and how i want it all to end my life of constant suffering my life of brokenness everything it fails me nothing's a success! they speak to me of things to do things that don't make sense but i can't stop myself from doing them it's lack of confidence although i tell myself it's wrong and bad will come of it the other people just won't leave me alone not even just a bit so i end up doing stuff although i know i shouldn't but ignore my only contact? no, i simply couldn't sometimes it lasts hours, sometimes not that long the people in this distant world they are winning, they are strong but all too soon it's over and i am left alone gradually coming round again making my way home sometimes i don't know what to do on days of bad depression do i stand to be ignored no room for my confession? or do i wait until the time i feel the agrivation and know it's time that i must have my 2 way conversation?