So it has been 2 weeks since I was last in hospital. Hopefully this means that I am on the road to recovery. I still feel bad, numb, low what ever you want to call it. I still have suicidal urges when I am feeling really bad but I haven't acted on them. It is something that I am always thinking about though. What I mean is I am thinking of ways that wouldn't look like suicide. I want to have a plan in place so that I don't do anything wrong where I'd end up in a worse situation than what I am in now. Seeing an alcohol counsellor every monday where we look at what I am drinking... last week it was 75 units (which is pretty bad) this week my plan is to get on with uni, get notes done from my lectures and start collecting data for my dissertation. If I can try and plan one day at a time then hopefully things wont overwhelm me. My boyfriend said something really nice to me on Saturday night. Obviously he loves me but he said just recently he was falling in love with me all over again. I am trying to make plans for the future like what I will do after uni so surly that is a good sign that things are getting better so why dont I feel better though. So I was thinking... if anyone would like to write my dissertation for me on a psychology thing to do with jury and decision making and give me £6000 to clear my debts that may go a long way to making me feel better. I dont know though as I don't know what is causing these feelings. But hey, if you are kind and rich and intelligent you can email me and I'll give you my address so you can send a cheque. lol.