$20 Note

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lostpuppet, Mar 27, 2008.

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  1. lostpuppet

    lostpuppet Member

    Have you ever asked for cash out with your EFTPOS transaction, and then left without the money? You know.. you just left too soon and forgot that you had also gotten some cash out? Now that you're outside the store, you suddenly realise that you forgot your money. What do you do?

    A) Go back into the store and get your money.
    B) Just forget about it
    c) Walk home slowly with your head low and just keep reminding yourself about how much of an idiot you are and wish you could just kill yourself and get it over and done with.


    I guess most people would answer A. Unfortunately, my answer was C. It seems that I get depressed really easily, even for the most simplist things that normal people wouldn't.

    I'm just wondering if I should seek help before it's too late...
     
  2. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    Just dont think about it so much, its not the end of the world, and pick A.
     
  3. lostpuppet

    lostpuppet Member

    I wish it was that simple for me. Unfortunately things really do add up over time to your depression. I don't think I'm strong enough to survive in this world.

    If I was ever walking home and I got jumped by someone who bet me up and took my money - I would just turn my head and let them hit the other side, then I would just continue walking home and go straight to my room so my flatmate wouldn't see. I would take it as a warning from God that I had screwed up once again. God has a plan for all of us and we must abide by that.
     
  4. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    God has no plan for any of us. Its us who make our life. The problem is that there are some things we can not change, no mather how much we are trying. And from your post, I cant see anything that can not be changed. So, you just have to try to make it better and you will be OK.
     
  5. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    I would have picked C at some points in my life when I am cursing myself and feeling low and useless. That's perfectly OK to feel like that. Sometimes we have extremes of thought. At least you were able to recognise this thought process / example and perhaps understand a little more of how your tick. As long as you do not kill yourself for $20 that would be wrong!

    Who's to say that to answer:
    A) Is it worth going all the way back to the store? Can I face the embarassment of asking for my $20 because I am shy / or I feel rediculously stupid. Or, my shopping is heavy, I cannot face the journey back. I don't have time or the energy today.
    B) I can't be bothered to go back. I'll just forget about it. It isn't worth worrying about now, and maybe when I go back it won't be there anymore anyway, maybe the checkout girl hasn't realised. I give up, I'm not going to worry about the mistake. Oh, but then if I pick this option am I a quitter. Or am I just not too concerned about the money anyway?
    C) Now this could be a rational response to not choosing A or B. You are kicking yourself. Putting yourself down. Perhaps doing what other people have done to you in the past. Or perhaps you have low self esteem? Just forget about the $20 becasue actually I am not that bothered. Is that a normal response either? After all it is $20!
    There is rational within irrational thinking sometimes.


    Glad your able to poston here your thought process in this example. Keep recognising where and why you chastise yourself. And then ask yourself if it is really valid. :wink:

    PS what is a normal person anyway?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2008
  6. lostpuppet

    lostpuppet Member

    I take it your not religous. Without me beliving that God has a plan for me then i have nothing to hold on to, no direction in life. I don't care if you call it blind faith, I just need to be able to justify everything that has happened in my pathetic life.

    Now that I'm suffering from serious brain damage from my first suicide attempt, I just don't see how anything that happens now will make things better for me. I know I can't go back in time and change things. Maybe I just need some reasurance every so often that i'm not a complete retard and I still have a reason to life.
     
  7. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    They will do! Things build up over time and add to your depression. Especially if you are cntinually at war with these thoughts in your mind / subconsious.

    Alot of people prefer to walk away when strife hits. That would be a warning from God. The person who mugged you would be commiting the sin. THEY would be the one with satanic behavour. You would merely be the victim of crime / circumstances. See you would blame yourself for something that is not within your control / of your choosing. It's the other person that is responsible for their actions, not you. An eye for an eye will leave the whole world blind.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2008
  8. lostpuppet

    lostpuppet Member

    Thank you, and I think a normal person is what I once was before I first attempted suicide and fucked up my brain. I would like to kill myself but I'm scared that God won't give me a second chance at life. I would really like to come back and have a better life. I just want to start again!
     
  9. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    Im not saying Im not religious. I used to believe in God. But so many bad things have happened in my life, that today I cant believe that they would happened if there was a God.
     
  10. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    People forget about Saten and Sin. This is why 'bad' things happen. God gave us free will.
     
  11. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    And what is stopping you to start again? I can see that you probably want to live. So, live. Start again. Live a better life. its up to you. And you are not less normal than anyone on the earth. Just look at me: I wat to die so much, my life is unbearable, and still, i think of myself as a normal person. And also im saying that there is no alive normal person. The definition for being a normal person is given by a human, and we dont know if he was normal, so we can not trust this definition is completely true.
     
  12. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    Sorry, I didnt understand your post. Are you saying that bad things are happening because we are making sins and we do not believe in God?
    I dont think so. Bad things are happening to me since I was born, only in the last 8 years they have reach their maximum.
     
  13. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    You attempted suicide because you were unable to cope with life? Perhaps your coping tools / strategies ran out? Your pain was so great! But you didn't die because you were meant to live!

    God understands all of us, and he knows our journey from beginning to end. You didn't die, then he has plans for you. Talk to Him, tell Him all that you are feeling, let Him into your life once more. :wink:
     
  14. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    lostpuppet has faith. I was working with that. If you believe in God you would have to believe in Saten too (unfortunately) not that I am suggesting you do personally. Bad things have happened since the fall of Adam and Eve. (if you believe in Adam and Eve).
    I just do not want to rob the main poster of his / her hope / personal faith in God by my words when he / she is lost at this moment in time. But then God has a way of getting through.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2008
  15. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    So you are saying that bad things are happening to people generaly, because of the mistake that was made by Adam and Eve?
    So why its so unfair.... Someone can have everything.... And someone can have nothing...
     
  16. lostpuppet

    lostpuppet Member

    I think God has a plan for you. God wants you to help people, and I think you've helped me today. :biggrin: - Although I don't know you (and probably never will), I'm sure you are a very good person. And good things happen to good people
     
  17. Bostonensis

    Bostonensis Guest



    Let us get God out of a picture & deal with what we have in our hands the way it is. Let us not put who or what to blame of what is the reality is in store for us.

    Me as well is trying to cope with all the pain . What is my tool to escape from reality consciously is be the me & put a pause sign to my journal. I am not previlege to die yet. I have brushed with death & insanity at least 6x & I am still here. There is a thoughts of death roaming around my brain once the pain is unbearable with my mind. However , I consider that just one of the ordinary thoughts that our brain produce as part of its activity. Death for me is not an option , I fight it ,no matter how enticing it can be.

    Moment to moment. Your 20$ will come back to you in other form,let us just think that someone probably needs it more than you do & hope whoever that maybe ,you have helped him /her. Simple analogy.

    I am glad to be back to the forum.
     
  18. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    But you cannot get God out of the picture, your dealing with 'real' people here with genuine beliefs, some that find a relationship with God rewarding and fulfilling. God is the bigger picture. Bigger than you can ever imagine.

    I have also had brushes with insanity, it was hell, but God helped me through.
     
  19. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    Ungodly Belief: Even when I do my best, it's not good enough. I can never meet the standard.

    Godly Belief: I am fully loved, completely accepted, and totally pleasing to God. Regardless of how much I do or fail to do, I will remain fully loved, completely accepted, and totally pleasing to God. I choose to surrender to Him, trusting my faith in Him and His ability to sustain me. I will seek to be a God pleaser, not a people pleaser.

    Ungodly Belief: My life has been and always will be full of turmoil. Some of my best years have been wasted, and I have no hope.

    Godly Belief: God will restore all the time I have wasted or lost by my choices or the choices of others. God gives me peace.
     
  20. Bostonensis

    Bostonensis Guest



    God seems always in a way for discussions. We cannot polarized that people esp here in this forum that God answers to our inequities is a solution . For us who has no God ,it seems that we are all doomed. Yet if it works for you , I respect. Coping mechanisms are different to all of us. We are here to listen ,& not to argue ,what is our faith & for this matter ,non faithers are not different from you , we are looking for friends who can respect our views without prejudgments.

    I love you.
     
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