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20 Year Anniversary

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Julia-C

Well-Known Member
#1
October 14th 1991 was the day my own father raped me. This wasn't the only time he hurt me, but it was by far the most violent and degrading. 20 years later I am still so messed up in the head. Times like this I just want to be gone, vanish, disappear, cease to exist, and evaporate into nothingness so that I no longer feel anything.

I started therapy again on this past Monday. I hope it will help. I need some peace of mind.
 

Sadeyes

Staff Alumni
#2
Hi Julia...have missed you...what an awful anniversary and so sorry you had/have to go through this...but glad you started therapy again...best of luck with that, and please keep us posted how you are doing...hugs, J
 

windlepoons

Well-Known Member
#4
Well done for surviving such terrible times. I hope the therapy brings you a measure of peace.

Your friends here obviously do not want you to vanish so please do not do anything bad.
 

Julia-C

Well-Known Member
#5
Hi Julia...have missed you...what an awful anniversary and so sorry you had/have to go through this...but glad you started therapy again...best of luck with that, and please keep us posted how you are doing...hugs, J
Yeah, it's hard. It starts getting hard a month ahead of the 14th. I have been to a 3 group therapy sessions which isn't easy for me. I missed you too.

I miss you too, Julia. :hug: Best wishes to you.
Missed you too.

Well done for surviving such terrible times. I hope the therapy brings you a measure of peace.

Your friends here obviously do not want you to vanish so please do not do anything bad.
I'm not going to do anything bad. I hope this round of therapy goes better too. I have a different therapist.

Thanks guys for responding. I'm sorry it took so log to reply back.
 

ExtraSoap

Well-Known Member
#6
Just out of curiosity, why do you mark the anniversaries of such a thing? Wouldnt it be better to try and forget (I know it's easier said than done, but i think you get the idea)?

Anyhoo, hugs to you, The therapy should go fine, you have my support. Props to you for just getting through 20 years of that in your head.
 

Julia-C

Well-Known Member
#7
Just out of curiosity, why do you mark the anniversaries of such a thing? Wouldnt it be better to try and forget (I know it's easier said than done, but i think you get the idea)?

Anyhoo, hugs to you, The therapy should go fine, you have my support. Props to you for just getting through 20 years of that in your head.
No one marks on a calendar such an anniversary, nor do we choose to remember. I wish I would have thought of that 20 years ago. Of course, that's all I have to do is forget that it happened or forget when it happened. Wow, I wish someone would have told me that 20 years ago. How could I be so stupid?
 

justMe7

Well-Known Member
#8
Hope you find the best inside of you. It's always there and never can be taken away. Ihope you find the energy to ... not so much forget, but more make things in you brighter than it. IF that makes any sense. I know there are feelings and thoughts that get in the way of building new moments and expericing life. But everythings possible. I hope the therapy works. And I hope someday that this day will be more significant for something else to you.

Best wishes.
 
#9
Julia - it IS good to see you, but NOT with such an anniversary on your mind. It is so difficult, I understand. I hope that this therapy can help a little bit, it takes a long time and can be very painful, so try if you can to take care of you a little bit more during this time.

:hug:
 

Julia-C

Well-Known Member
#10
Hope you find the best inside of you. It's always there and never can be taken away. Ihope you find the energy to ... not so much forget, but more make things in you brighter than it. IF that makes any sense. I know there are feelings and thoughts that get in the way of building new moments and expericing life. But everythings possible. I hope the therapy works. And I hope someday that this day will be more significant for something else to you.

Best wishes.
Thank you Blake.

Julia - it IS good to see you, but NOT with such an anniversary on your mind. It is so difficult, I understand. I hope that this therapy can help a little bit, it takes a long time and can be very painful, so try if you can to take care of you a little bit more during this time.

:hug:
Thanks for the hug Mo.
 

TBear

Antiquities Friend
#11
Sending you good wishes for your new round of therapy...

I understand - I still have horrific intrusions - visions, body memories etc - around anniversaries, some of whic happened more than 40years ago....

Isn't something you can change - the date or that it happened..... even before I realized why the increase in flashbacks would occur eeriely around the anniversary

The hope is that when such an anniversary approaches, and you take better care of yourself, and keep handy coping tools - it does get better, but like the original abuse - doesn't go away.

I think that when I accepted the past and quit fighting it, the anniversaries became much less toxic....... kind of a peaceful and intense sadness

May you find peace Julia!

TBear :hug:
 

Julia-C

Well-Known Member
#13
Sending you good wishes for your new round of therapy...

I understand - I still have horrific intrusions - visions, body memories etc - around anniversaries, some of whic happened more than 40years ago....

Isn't something you can change - the date or that it happened..... even before I realized why the increase in flashbacks would occur eeriely around the anniversary

The hope is that when such an anniversary approaches, and you take better care of yourself, and keep handy coping tools - it does get better, but like the original abuse - doesn't go away.

I think that when I accepted the past and quit fighting it, the anniversaries became much less toxic....... kind of a peaceful and intense sadness

May you find peace Julia!

TBear :hug:
Thanks for understanding how I feel and thanks for the hug.

T, how have you been? I haven't heard from you in a long time. I hope you are doing okay.

julia. your strength truly inspires me. it's good to see you back. sending you hugs, sweetie...

:hug:
Thanks for your compliments and thanks for the hugs.
 
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