October 14th 1991 was the day my own father raped me. This wasn't the only time he hurt me, but it was by far the most violent and degrading. 20 years later I am still so messed up in the head. Times like this I just want to be gone, vanish, disappear, cease to exist, and evaporate into nothingness so that I no longer feel anything. I started therapy again on this past Monday. I hope it will help. I need some peace of mind.