20 Year Anniversary

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Julia-C, Oct 14, 2011.

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  1. Julia-C

    Julia-C Well-Known Member

    October 14th 1991 was the day my own father raped me. This wasn't the only time he hurt me, but it was by far the most violent and degrading. 20 years later I am still so messed up in the head. Times like this I just want to be gone, vanish, disappear, cease to exist, and evaporate into nothingness so that I no longer feel anything.

    I started therapy again on this past Monday. I hope it will help. I need some peace of mind.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Julia...have missed you...what an awful anniversary and so sorry you had/have to go through this...but glad you started therapy again...best of luck with that, and please keep us posted how you are doing...hugs, J
     
  3. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    I miss you too, Julia. :hug: Best wishes to you.
     
  4. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Well done for surviving such terrible times. I hope the therapy brings you a measure of peace.

    Your friends here obviously do not want you to vanish so please do not do anything bad.
     
  5. Julia-C

    Julia-C Well-Known Member

    Yeah, it's hard. It starts getting hard a month ahead of the 14th. I have been to a 3 group therapy sessions which isn't easy for me. I missed you too.

    Missed you too.

    I'm not going to do anything bad. I hope this round of therapy goes better too. I have a different therapist.

    Thanks guys for responding. I'm sorry it took so log to reply back.
     
  6. ExtraSoap

    ExtraSoap Well-Known Member

    Just out of curiosity, why do you mark the anniversaries of such a thing? Wouldnt it be better to try and forget (I know it's easier said than done, but i think you get the idea)?

    Anyhoo, hugs to you, The therapy should go fine, you have my support. Props to you for just getting through 20 years of that in your head.
     
  7. Julia-C

    Julia-C Well-Known Member

    No one marks on a calendar such an anniversary, nor do we choose to remember. I wish I would have thought of that 20 years ago. Of course, that's all I have to do is forget that it happened or forget when it happened. Wow, I wish someone would have told me that 20 years ago. How could I be so stupid?
     
  8. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    Hope you find the best inside of you. It's always there and never can be taken away. Ihope you find the energy to ... not so much forget, but more make things in you brighter than it. IF that makes any sense. I know there are feelings and thoughts that get in the way of building new moments and expericing life. But everythings possible. I hope the therapy works. And I hope someday that this day will be more significant for something else to you.

    Best wishes.
     
  9. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Julia - it IS good to see you, but NOT with such an anniversary on your mind. It is so difficult, I understand. I hope that this therapy can help a little bit, it takes a long time and can be very painful, so try if you can to take care of you a little bit more during this time.

    :hug:
     
  10. Julia-C

    Julia-C Well-Known Member

    Thank you Blake.

    Thanks for the hug Mo.
     
  11. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    Sending you good wishes for your new round of therapy...

    I understand - I still have horrific intrusions - visions, body memories etc - around anniversaries, some of whic happened more than 40years ago....

    Isn't something you can change - the date or that it happened..... even before I realized why the increase in flashbacks would occur eeriely around the anniversary

    The hope is that when such an anniversary approaches, and you take better care of yourself, and keep handy coping tools - it does get better, but like the original abuse - doesn't go away.

    I think that when I accepted the past and quit fighting it, the anniversaries became much less toxic....... kind of a peaceful and intense sadness

    May you find peace Julia!

    TBear :hug:
     
  12. plshelpme

    plshelpme Well-Known Member

    julia. your strength truly inspires me. it's good to see you back. sending you hugs, sweetie...

    :hug:
     
  13. Julia-C

    Julia-C Well-Known Member

    Thanks for understanding how I feel and thanks for the hug.

    T, how have you been? I haven't heard from you in a long time. I hope you are doing okay.

    Thanks for your compliments and thanks for the hugs.
     
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