First of all i would like to say "Hello!" As i'm a new member here. It's very nice to know there is somewhere where people can help Now, you ready for this? Right, I've always had suicidal thoughts ever since i was young, the first time i remember was when i was about 8 or 9, since then i've never really been happy with life or who i am. I never enjoyed school right until i left when i was 16 (I've only recently turned 19). When i entered college, things changed and as i came out of a relationship I changed, i started to drink alot more and i started smoking and doing drugs although after 6 weeks or so i was thinking "Y'know what, F**k this". I started to find my feet until about end of feb 09 when my parents split (remember that i've said this). I got knocked off but i kept going, i was happy to a certain extent, i dated a few people and all was well. In late August i went out with someone who lives on the Isle of Sheppey (about 30miles away from London, off the coast of Kent) and i was happy, proberly one of the best relationships i've been in until Janurary this year i had a mental breakdown, just under stress and i called for a break, she didn't want that and broke off the relationship. 6 weeks later i went out with someone who i more or less made me see that there was something in me worth seeing, worth being alive and worth loving...this lasted 3 months as i turned paranoid and she had enough. Since then all i've done is fallen. I have no motivation for anything and i became suicidal (again). In August i went to my favourite place up by the river to more or less commit suicide (I know whatcha thinking, why did you pay all that money just to go to London to kill yourself, don't worry i get free travel ) I overdosed but my attempt failed and after telling a few people they were quite upset (can't see why). Then i was ok for a while until recently when the divorce between my parents has become a massive stress on my homelife, with a massive possibilty that i'm moving away from the area before i get to go to university. I just can't take the stress anymore, but the last straw to break the camel's back came recently when a girl i was seeing who said she loved me said that she couldn't wait for me to be confident enough to be in a relationship and has since left me to pretty much be from the guitarist from my band... I do need help...but i just want to be dead, i just feel alone and like no-one cares. My own mother doesn't care what happens to me so yeah, shoot me now.