In a nutshell, that's what I've become. From someone who is generally caring and passionate, to someone who doesn't want to bother. The efforts can be described as herculean in terms of trying to give a damn. But there's no energy in the "give a damn" tank - it's not even running on fumes. People could say to me "Happy New Year" - and I think, what the hell is so happy about a date/time change being pretty much the only thing truly changing at that point? Or using the fact my birthday and christmas are within just 11 days of the ball dropping each and every year the same - but that's 3 days out of 365. Even then, I had a shitty 2014 (uncle committing suicide, me thinking about doing the same, my then gf thinking about it too), splitting up with the gf, having "family" not really bothering to ask me directly how I was, choosing to ask others around me instead. Came to a head on my actual birthday, one brother barely got a facebook "post" on my personal profile "wall" - but the other, nothing. Wasn't until Boxing day, and after me choosing to show him my birthday cake, did he say "Oh, I've got a card for you". Right... there have since been 5 more days of 2014, but sweet fa has happened in terms of communication or effort to get that previously mentioned card across. I'm meant to go there to pick it up? Am I gonna bother? Hell no. I'm not gonna go chasing after a card that means nothing now we're into another year - I'm not gonna turn 30 again.. Also on that Boxing day, I worked 9am til 3.30pm - then got a lift back to my sisters. By which point I discovered everyone had already had and opened their presents from me, never mind that they were still all there and it could have waited. It took everything I had not to just turn around and walk back out because it hurt that much to not participate in seeing the joyful faces of the younger ones (8 nieces and nephews aged from 1-18, my 18yo niece's partner and their 3.5 month old daughter). My dad's actions were strange beyond belief. He dropped off my birthday card the day before it, and at the same time, I gave him christmas presents. However, when he went to my sisters on Christmas eve, he dropped my christmas present off there and didn't say anything about it. For someone I had shared a few musical nights out with over the year, that was a proverbial kick in the teeth (I have no teeth anyway). So yeah, I'm at a point of not actually caring. And if people ask me why I'm so hostile... well.. get a grip, I ain't gonna care.