21 yrs and counting

[stillhere]

hi...ummm i od'd in last week of Feb this year and still not over it.there are times where i think about it because of the aftereffects...
put on a fair bit of weight (for 100th) time. i od'ed caused i got insomnia for 4days and was delusional...
so yeah
over the past year and a half...(when things were just about to get better)..
lost the best job i had
became quite unhealthy (mentally and physically) became friends with strange ppl
had to delay uni
had an unenjoyable time overseas
put on a lot of weight and it was summer@!

after the od
lost the abilty to speak because i vomited so much
another thing i don't want to talk about
stopped going to uni
put on more weight because parents put me on extra meds
uh..what else oh don't get along with parents (they are separated) and mum's a bit off herself

most of all feel ALOT of GUILT about the OD ...i know its not my fault NOW..but its taken me many months to get over it...feel the hard work i've put in has been completely wrecked. i replay the events over and over and not sure about career now..feel completely fucked over,

LIFE IS REALLY UNFAIR!~

 

[ace]

stillhere I can sympathise with how you're feeling but you can certaily recover,no doubt what you've been through has been hell and I'm so sorry to hear that.But listen you can come out of this it may take a bit of work but you certainly can come through this bigger,better and stronger than ever.I've gone through one of the worst times of my life this year and I really hope I'm coming out of it now like I though I never would.
Countless times i thought of ending it all but how I didn't I dont know,but just want to tell you there is a way out believe me please.You say you're 21 is that correct?if so you have many years left what may seem so hopeless now can eventually become a distant memory or memories of these cruel and wretched times in future.
allow me to let you in on a secret I suffer from Ocd as well and it's that type of Ocd that draws back past memories and makes life or has made it so unbearable to face at times.So I know what you're saying and understand but let me tell you there are ways to battle through this and work on it.I can pass on some pointers if you like,i.e one is when you have a thought that comes into your mind there are two ways we can counteract it either by thinking positive or negative.
Now I've been so use to using the Negative side as I guess that's what happens perhaps you do the same,but don't feel guilty.Try to get into the practice or using the positive thought in your mind when you have a thought i.e Everything has been a waste in my life it will only be the same the thought then to counteract that use the positive side and try to get into the habit-What's happened in my life has been a tragedy but I'm going to do my best by learning from these disasters and try to focus on better times ahead.

 

[blackfire]

You feel bad because you od and am ashamed. i did the same thing a few months ago. Depression gets the better of us, that is what is causing all this stuff you feel.