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Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by stuckinchicago6, Mar 9, 2010.

  1. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Well, I am getting old. In May I will be 22. Life seems so pointless now. I don't want to end up being alone like my mother. A good man is hard to find. I had found somebody and he wasted my time. Instead of spending my 21st summer finding a mature guy who would probably marry me, I spent it with an 18 year old who only wanted to play games. I am so stupid. When you are a woman, it seems that every years gets worse and worse. Unless you are a celeb to pay for a bunch of restylane all the time, count on being older as getting worse. Sorry for the negativity. I am just so down right now and broken. I can't see a way out of this.
  2. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    The wasted time makes me so sad. The fact that another year will go by and I will be alone. I am sick of facing the world alone.
  3. ozbound

    ozbound Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Without trying to sound condesending 22 is no age to be worring about getting tied down I'm almost double your age and still single. Not through choice but at 22 I was travelling. Don't think you have wasted your life hopefully it's only really just begining. And please don't make my mistake and rush to love take your time (wish I could take my own advise there).
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Well I have to disagree about the age thing. I'm 46 so 22 is so young. The being alone though yeah it sucks. But please dont rush it or fall into a situation where you stay with someone because you feel you have to.

    I'm a single mom with 4 kids. I found "the love of my life" at 14. We dated for so long. We got married and I stayed with him for 20 years. 20 years of abuse on every level you can imagine. I finally got out when he started abusing me in front of the children. It has been about 10 years now on my own.

    I actually appreciate the single life. Not having to answer to another person and definitely not having to share the bed with a snorer! (lol). But the loneliness is something completely different. It can become overwhelming. But again you have youth on your side and you have so many opportunities to find ways to keep yourself busy.

    You need to sit down and seriously think about why you want or need a relationship. Is this something you need or is it something that you were brought up to believe. That by a certain age you should be in a relationship and moving towards marriage and a family. Todays world is so different from that of the ethics I grew up on. Then you lived at home, found someone you loved, got married, moved into a home and started a family. Women having a career was just starting to mix in with those ethics. But most young girls then had the parents, then a husband and then became a parent themselves in that order. Today it is more the norm for a people to have their careers first. Get married in their 30's or so and start families about 35 or so.

    You have so many options right now. A whole world discover. Nothin wrong with just making some good friends both male and female and enjoying your freedom for now. No need to settle for the responsibilities that a steady relationship entails.

    I know it feels like life is slipping away. I think when you are in your 20's and 30's it feels like the world and life itself is moving so fast. It's hard to catch a breath. But believe me when you hit your 40's things seem to slow down a little again. You can explore who you are. I'm not saying that everything is great and you've found all the answers. But you will see yourself much differently. You will understand that you are you and you will like yourself more. Be more comfortable with your body (the nose you never liked or the love handles that you never wanted all seem to just fit now). You will do for you and not so much what you think others expect of yourself.

    So please dont feel overwhelmed. You are still full of life and have a lot of it to experience yet. Just because you're Mom is single doesnt mean you will follow the same path. I til this point always was "under" someone elses care. To be honest I think I'm a better person and parent now than when I shared my life with another. And so do my kids. I can be the me I am and not the me that I expect myself to be because of what others expectations are or were. Drop me a pm if you want to talk :arms:
  5. stevs2

    stevs2 Active Member

    Hey, 22 is young. At 47, I wasted almost half your life on the last debacle of a relationship. Your gender doesn't matter. Everyone is searching for the right person, the right connection. You have time to find it, and you will.
  6. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Finding someone to spend your life with is not an easy task

    "you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince"

    unfortunately that means you will have to invest a lot of time getting to know if different people are right for you and you for them

    it's a trial-and-error process

    can't promise that it won't hurt sometimes, but in the end it should be worth the effort
  7. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Thank you all so much for your responses. I know 22 is not old old, but it seems like just yesterday I was in elementary school and it is so scary how life starts to fly by. When I look at my mother who never remarried after her divorce, it just scares me. When I look at my cousin who is now 35 and still single, but not because she is a career woman, it scares me. She never even went to school and her ex that she wasted so much time with is now married. Also,because I had a father who never did much for me besides pay child support for 18 years, having a man is just super important. While I have dated guys since my ex and I broke up in October, it is still just really hard and I meet alot of men who are not serious. To top it off, I don't really have a group of girlfriends to go out with, so meeting guys is extra hard.
  8. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Try volunteering at a local charity. Usually find people that are a little more into life than themselves working there. Go out to a few places that you normally wouldnt go say a new bar or a new nightclub. Take up a new hobby or sport that involves being around other people. You need to step out of the comfort zone you're in now and explore new people and new faces. Good luck!!!
  9. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member

    Hey 22 can't be so bad. I turned 22 this year. I like to think I'm still young :p
  10. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    So I have been going out clubbing lately. Things seem to be getting better and I am making friends, yet depression stays with me. I seem to be in a permanent state of dissatisfaction. I just don't get people. Turning 22 is still haunting me. I want to keep getting better every year not more ragged.
  11. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I'll be 22 at the beginning of april! We're so close in age, aren't we?

    I don't go out to party. In my one (3/4s) year of college life, I didn't go to a single party. I dropped out of a school that I loved so that I could pay the bills and afford rent at my shitty apartment... don't even have my G2 licence anymore, don't have a car, all of my friends are graduating from film school this year and I'm the one left behind with nothing to show for myself.
    It's annoying...
    You try not to think about all of the wasted time and not feel bad when you don't move forward at all in a span of 6months... but it'll get to you; as it will everyone- I would assume.

    Like everyone says... 22 is still so young.
    Though we might feel so old on the inside, most people live past 60- right? We're still 'babies'
    ...though I'd consider myself one more literally, since I can't even leave my bedroom wi8thout holding my mommy's hand.
    and that is pathetic. XD

    hmm... what was I originally going to say here?
    Oh yeah!! Though things are shitty-- there is always a possibility of something amazing happening in your life to change things. We've got to look forward and try to stay positive. Things will change in time! < keep that attitude and things should get better, right?
  12. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Kitty. We are so close in age and it is good to hear from somebody else around the same age. Years just fly by. Just a few years ago, I was always being told by my mother that I was too young to do stuff. Now, I get told that I am too old. The only time I am still told that I am too young is when I want to do something that does NOT involve her like leave the house, go on a vacation alone, maybe consider getting married (if somebody would even want to marry me at this point).. As of right now, my only prerequisite is that I am attracted to a person. The first man who offers, I will take to escape my mother.
  13. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    well... in my opinion; you will not gain life experience and become a strong person until you can leave your mother. That is not to say that you don't gain *any* experience from being with her... but I know that I grew much more when I lived on my own.
    It's hard.
    It's also fine to have goals and dreams! Everyone should!
    Most girls, I think-- plan their wedding way before anyone is actually around to become the groom in this imaginary wedding XD but that's fine! It's good to have dreams and to think about things like that before they happen!

    It's true that people will tell you that you're 'too young' or 'too old' to do things; but if you want to do them- then you should do them anyways!
    The things you do; even if people find them out of place- are what make you, you! You are unique, and you should do whatever your heart and gut tell you to do and be happy with doing just that!

    For example of being too old for something... I watch plenty of cartoons- and people think I'm strange because of that, but I've always enjoyed cartoons! Also; I'll still 'play pretend' and roleplay all the time to entertain people and myself... that's the theatrical side of me coming out though, I think...
  14. alison

    alison Well-Known Member

    I'm a fellow 22 yr old women who feels old and is afraid i'll be alone the rest of my life. I don't have any good advice for you, but I just wanted to drop in and say I can relate. If you ever want to chat, you can pm me. good luck hun =]
  15. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    I was away from my mother for a month this past summer. It was truly heaven and I felt confidence like I had never felt before. When I was very young, I used to be away from her for months at a time too with my grandparents and it was amazing. Unfortunately, in my culture, it is not common to live on your own before marriage unless you are living in a dorm room. I live so close to my university that living on campus is pointless and neither of my parents would even pay for it. So sad for me. lol.... I laugh because it is ridiculous. There are days when my mother is amazing and helps me so much, but for the most part she is a complete psycho. I can't take it anymore. Her anger and fighting with her brings me down. I am just glad that I have started to get out more with friends. At the same time, most people are clueless. They are nice people, but they do not understand the deep depression I am going through. There are certain things that you just can not reveal to people you know IRL. They are "normal" for the most part. They don't seem to have a dark side.
  16. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    normal is relative

    i like to thing my kids are normal, but we were in the grocery store and picked up a box of Fruity Pebbles cereal when she started joking (out loud) "yum, fruity platelets - fruity platelets with strawberry milk" which got a couple of very odd and nervous look from the woman next to her

    very few people "seem" to have a dark side but i think just about everyone does

    mine is my anger and the inappropriate ways it can manifest - i don't get violent - i get "creative"

    that got me in trouble a long time ago and i had to go to anger management classes as part of the sentence (sigh)

    i agree that know one can fully understand depression unless they've been there too but sometimes you will find a couple of friends who are willing to try and that can help make a big difference

    i know it's not something i announce to the world at large but if you find a couple of friends you can trust they can be another part of your support system