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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Chickpea, Sep 11, 2007.

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  1. Chickpea

    Chickpea Well-Known Member

    I'm swapping to a new counsellor for 'long term' work... and I asked my current T what that would mean and she said at least a year.

    The thing is, I've been trying counselling for the past few years and I'm still miserable. When I got into my car after today's session, which was the last with my current counsellor, I just sat there and burst into tears. First thought was 'I cannot feel this way for a whole year'. Then I realised I probably won't even be living in this area for another full year let alone longer than that.... so I can't forsee being able to 'get better' ANY time soon at all.

    I really can't handle feeling this way anymore. I've tried but I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm pretty sure if I knew HOW to kill myself then I'd be planning it right now. But I don't know how. :dry:
  2. i know you've probably heard this so many times before, but keep holding on...

    we all get feelings that are sometimes too hard to handle, but you can't give up.

    think about it, do you really want to leave your family, your friends?

    i'm always here if you need to talk :) just message me.

    really think about it before making any major decision.

  3. Chickpea

    Chickpea Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your thoughts - I will give this careful consideration.

    I don't want to hurt my family or friends at all, but I still don't want to be alive. I can handle just not liking living.... but when it gets so sad and painful I just can't do it anymore.

    I'm really happy right now because I found a place that I can buy the right meds I need for a good overdose. I feel happy to know that I have access to them although I haven't ordered them yet :blink: :unsure: Obviously I won't say what these pills are because I don't want to encourage anyone else, but they were withdrawn from prescription in my country because of the suicide rate associated with them (which is how I cam to find out about them).

    At least now I know I CAN, I feel a little more free....
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