I'll try to keep this as interesting and sad as possible. Maybe you lived a similar type of life, or maybe a worse one. Or maybe a painfully better one. In elementary school, and maybe a bit in middle school, you'll see girls mindlessly giggle while constantly looking at then looking away at some boy. Yeah, I never got that. Where boys were always pestered by girls, I was the kid kind of flailing in the back going "Look at me! I'm here too!" Not literally, that I remember, but you get the picture. I never got much of the "This girl thinks you're cute!" or "She likes you!" At recess, during a game of "girls chase the boys", I wasn't actually the part of the game. I wasn't popular or prominent enough for anyone to even mentally decide if I was in the game or not. No one cared. While all the other better looking and more popular kids were getting tackled by girls, I was running around like an idiot pretending like I was being chased while forcefully trying to convince myself "I'm part of the game! Better not let them catch me!" Yeah, try to picture this in like a zoomed out aerial view. You got these other cooler guys getting chased and tackled by girls, and then you got me running around like a tard on fire being chased by nothing. I bet I looked so cool! When I tried even harder to force myself into the game, I remember one girl saying "He just wants attention." Damn, it sucks when it's true. When I tried really hard, sometimes I would get the classic pretending-to-cry-so-he-goes-away act or just the classic "go away" statement itself. So then I go to middle school. Ahh yes, what an opportunity to start all over! ...And... completely experience the same thing on a more intense scale. This is the stage in my life where the out loud "you're ugly" statements rise up. It always hurt me when everyone on the planet got carnations on Valentine's Day except me. February 14, 2001. That date is stamped into my head. I also got insulted by many, many girls that day. Then high school comes! Now my self-esteem really gets to have it! The "you're ugly" comments really rise up even more here. I actually built up the courage to tell some girls how I feel (or have other guys mention it for me so I could "sleuth" them out on how they feel about me) and the results were fucking tragic. See, in my world, girls don't say "I don't like you" or "You're not my type." Oh no no no, they have to take it a step further and warn the entire school that "This gross guy asked me out! My life is over because of that! Rage rage rage! Make sure everyone knows this! This has to be public knowledge!" This is also where the showcasing of others increases here. I've watched so many guys have girls swooning over them left and right. I've overheard so many stories of "that hot new guy". I wished that guy would be me, I wished so hard but I was only pulled farther away from it. Some girls would be so attracted to some guys that I'd witness them not being able to hold it in anymore and just shout to them about how they are. If I thought God existed, I'd say he's purposely fucking with me for reasons unknown. Don't leave the thread yet guys! It gets even better! So I meet this Canadian girl online, then she meets my best friend, falls in love with him and fucking flies down here to see him! Isn't that awesome?! I get to see a girl online fly down here to see my friend and not me! Was I Hitler in my past life? November 9, 2008. My first suicide attempt that was accidentally ruined and exposed by my mother. My stomach was pumped and I survived. A part of me never forgives her for that. So I get sent a psych hospital and experience the exact same thing that sparked me into ending my life in the first place. The girls there were attracted to the "hotter" drug addicts there while I was left in the grey area once again. There was too much of this to not share, and my second attempt is coming soon. I've planned it for decades and it won't fail this time. I don't think there is anything after death, which only provokes me more into doing what I'm going to do. This is how it all ends. It almost pains me thinking about it. I'm gonna alter time.