23 years of being an unnattractive male

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by AnomymousX, Jul 3, 2013.

  1. AnomymousX

    AnomymousX Well-Known Member

    I'll try to keep this as interesting and sad as possible. Maybe you lived a similar type of life, or maybe a worse one. Or maybe a painfully better one. In elementary school, and maybe a bit in middle school, you'll see girls mindlessly giggle while constantly looking at then looking away at some boy. Yeah, I never got that. Where boys were always pestered by girls, I was the kid kind of flailing in the back going "Look at me! I'm here too!" Not literally, that I remember, but you get the picture. I never got much of the "This girl thinks you're cute!" or "She likes you!"

    At recess, during a game of "girls chase the boys", I wasn't actually the part of the game. I wasn't popular or prominent enough for anyone to even mentally decide if I was in the game or not. No one cared. While all the other better looking and more popular kids were getting tackled by girls, I was running around like an idiot pretending like I was being chased while forcefully trying to convince myself "I'm part of the game! Better not let them catch me!" Yeah, try to picture this in like a zoomed out aerial view. You got these other cooler guys getting chased and tackled by girls, and then you got me running around like a tard on fire being chased by nothing. I bet I looked so cool!

    When I tried even harder to force myself into the game, I remember one girl saying "He just wants attention." Damn, it sucks when it's true. When I tried really hard, sometimes I would get the classic pretending-to-cry-so-he-goes-away act or just the classic "go away" statement itself. So then I go to middle school. Ahh yes, what an opportunity to start all over! ...And... completely experience the same thing on a more intense scale. This is the stage in my life where the out loud "you're ugly" statements rise up. It always hurt me when everyone on the planet got carnations on Valentine's Day except me. February 14, 2001. That date is stamped into my head. I also got insulted by many, many girls that day.

    Then high school comes! Now my self-esteem really gets to have it! The "you're ugly" comments really rise up even more here. I actually built up the courage to tell some girls how I feel (or have other guys mention it for me so I could "sleuth" them out on how they feel about me) and the results were fucking tragic. See, in my world, girls don't say "I don't like you" or "You're not my type." Oh no no no, they have to take it a step further and warn the entire school that "This gross guy asked me out! My life is over because of that! Rage rage rage! Make sure everyone knows this! This has to be public knowledge!"

    This is also where the showcasing of others increases here. I've watched so many guys have girls swooning over them left and right. I've overheard so many stories of "that hot new guy". I wished that guy would be me, I wished so hard but I was only pulled farther away from it. Some girls would be so attracted to some guys that I'd witness them not being able to hold it in anymore and just shout to them about how they are. If I thought God existed, I'd say he's purposely fucking with me for reasons unknown.

    Don't leave the thread yet guys! It gets even better! So I meet this Canadian girl online, then she meets my best friend, falls in love with him and fucking flies down here to see him! Isn't that awesome?! I get to see a girl online fly down here to see my friend and not me! Was I Hitler in my past life? November 9, 2008. My first suicide attempt that was accidentally ruined and exposed by my mother. My stomach was pumped and I survived. A part of me never forgives her for that. So I get sent a psych hospital and experience the exact same thing that sparked me into ending my life in the first place. The girls there were attracted to the "hotter" drug addicts there while I was left in the grey area once again.

    There was too much of this to not share, and my second attempt is coming soon. I've planned it for decades and it won't fail this time. I don't think there is anything after death, which only provokes me more into doing what I'm going to do. This is how it all ends. It almost pains me thinking about it. I'm gonna alter time.
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am sorry you have felt so frustrated and alone. I wanted you to know I did read this and wish I had easy answers for you. I do believe there are answers and th eone you mention is not the best one in my opinion but regardless I am sorry for the situation that has you here...

    Take Care and Be Safe

    Ben
     
  3. Dismas

    Dismas New Member

    God, its depressing how much I know how you feel.
     
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    You are beautiful and you are ugly...you are smart and stupid at the same time...you want to be popular and left alone...and you do not know how wonderful, smart, and valuable you are...welcome to the planet...maybe it is time to feel beautiful (or whatever feeling is best for you) inside, excel at what you are best in, and then find company...I always say when asked about the physical characteristics the person I am dating, "everyone looks the same with the lights off"...my best company now is a man who is balding, shorter than I am, needs to work out some, but who is perfect in my eyes...hope you find someone who sees you that way too
     
  5. xiahouhat

    xiahouhat Member

    f*cking stereotypes man. Take it easy, all these girls, <mod edit>, they're not worth it man. It's what you got inside. Good looks might get you to bed easily but your personality will win the other person's heart. Just think about it.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 7, 2013
  6. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I am so sorry for this huge pain. And I can read that it really is huge and very painful! I always felt unattractive. And people seemed to confirm it. So I know a bit of what you are talking about. I was never desirable. I just wasnt. But I do have to tell you that part of it was how I felt about myself. And I know it. So for me I know the answer is to work on how I feel about myself. I know thats my work. It is honestly up to me to change my own view of myself. When I do that, other people will change how they see me. I dont know if this feels right for you. But if it does, then maybe thats worth trying. But I think its a journey. I think its better though than ending all chances of change.
     
  7. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Hello. What type of girls did you go after?
     
  8. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    I like your response. And I agree with it. Blessings..
     
  9. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    It's what you got inside. Good looks might get you to bed easily but your personality will win the other person's heart. Just think about it.



    I agree with this.
     
  10. AnomymousX

    AnomymousX Well-Known Member

    Funny you should ask. One might think I went for just the "most popular 10/10 girls", but this wasn't always the case. I've went for almost every type out there and met extreme rejection. It's not so much that I got turned down, but I always got the unnecessary "I have to make sure the rest of the world knows that I rejected this person" treatment.

    These girls felt so horrified that someone like me liked them, that they felt deeply insulted. As if to say "Oh great, that's the guy I attract?!" Yeah, god forbid right? The final decision I'm about to make is the only one that brings comfort, and is probably the only decision I've ever been at peace with and it won't be something that I can be talked out of. I also don't believe in the whole afterlife thing, but if I see it, I'll be glad to see I was wrong.
     
  11. Neverforget

    Neverforget Member

    Kids can be so cruel. I wasn't a popular kid in school either, maybe that's why I became a bookworm

    Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, I now firmly believe that.
     
  12. AnomymousX

    AnomymousX Well-Known Member

    Statements like that can only go so far. Sure, beauty can be different between people, but there's a thing called relativity. Zac Efron is more likely to be infatuated over than Jack Black - regardless of that "eyes of the beholder" thing.

    I don't realize why I even made a thread about this if my choice was final. It makes me wonder that if nothing after death can be possible, but that doesn't matter now.
     
  13. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I used to notice people who were not physically attractive at all. But they attracted a lot of people. I used to wonder why. I now believe it is because they felt good about themselves. The inner beauty thing. When I was young I never felt good about myself. I felt inferior to people.... just plain unacceptable. And so I never attracted people. It hurt me a lot to be so unattractive. Eventually i was able to work on the inner healing stuff and things got a bit better. I dont know if this gives you any hope. but I wanted to offer it as possibly some hope.
     
  14. Big M

    Big M Well-Known Member

    How about this one man. I'm a decent looking guy, and I know girls are attracted to my looks at times, but I'm so socially retarded I generally can't even approach the vast majority of them and have been blatantly made a fool of by them just like you. My brother is considered very good looking by women and is more confident and socially together than me and he's faced rejection too. I've just given up on the whole dating thing, I don't ever want to be married and/or have kids so I just focus on other things in life. The thing is, women are way more interested in your personality and confidence than your looks. Ever heard of Marilyn Manson? Gene Simmons (lead singer of KISS)? Look em up. Ugliest mugs you have ever seen, and they are swimming in women. If you want to attract women I'd say work on your personality and confidence, that is, if you feel you are lacking in those areas. I certainly am. But really, you don't need a girlfriend to have a reason to live for god's sakes! Tons of people live solo, it's about having good relationships in life. I know WAY more married people that can't stand each other than happily married ones. There is so much more to life than a wife and kids and pet dog and a house in the suburbs. I too have survived my attempted suicide, barely, and although it was for different reasons(substance abuse) than you I will never do that to my family again. All you are doing when you try to hurt yourself is saying I am worthless, which is how the women who rejected you made you feel. You are lonely I get that, I am too sometimes, but having a girlfriend/boyfriend is not the end all be all to life. Please give yourself another chance and feel free to message me anytime.
     
  15. sarahjane12

    sarahjane12 New Member

    I am one of those girls.

    At least take away the one positive from this that you have made me think about how I react to and might have upset others.
    But honestly, how guys look never really comes into being rejected. Most of the time it's the girl, her insecurities, and her desperation to act up in front of her "friends" to try and gain this popularity status. It's pathetic. But please know you're looks are not nearly as important as you make out.

    Please don't do anything rash.
     
  16. broke

    broke Well-Known Member

    AnomymousX,

    Consider being what people think of as decent looking and confident, and then meeting some hot wonderful woman whom you marry and have a bunch of kids with, and give her everything heart and soul only for 12 years to go by and her to tell you your a piece of shit as a person and she doesn't love you anymore and there is no way she ever will and she has no desire to work things out. That is an epic form of total rejection. Hell has its diversity of damned souls. It is not all about looks. I wish I would have married an ugly fat woman with a great personality. This skin we wear eventually gets old and we all end up ugly as sin anyways, if we can make it that far.

    Having a nice face or a nice body or some natural charisma; having an easy way with women is just as sure a route to living hell as any other. All those supposedly "good" things ad up to on their own are a series of shallow, temporary, nasty hookups between self-hating people who look into the mirror for some excuse to keep alive.

    You are better than that, and I hope you realize it.
     
  17. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I know these feelings all to well. I guess I am lucky and just gave up after my first middle school valentines day. Once I realized who disgusting I was I started working on my Stealth skill so I could just be forgotten. To be honest I was more into this thread for the replies. It is funny how many people just tell you to accept your situation and just live with it. They try and make it poetic.. to hide the fact that there is nothing they can do and nothing you can do.

    Anyway, I know how this feels, so I turned all these feelings into hatred. I recommend you do the same. At least then you can give back some of the misery you have suffered.
     
  18. lifeless84

    lifeless84 Well-Known Member

    I have to disagree.

    Love is not personality, love is not physical attractiveness. Love is both, you luck one, you don't have love.

    And life can be a shit, it knows how to kick our asses. And when you think it is finally getting better, it always strikes... Had a bit similar story. An old friend of mine, from primary school, invited me to his wedding, even though, we hadn’t seen for about 8 years. Didn't want to go, didn't like weddings, but also I had never learned how to so “no”, so I ended up at the wedding. And at the wedding, I had to meet that girl, most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Worst wedding ever. In fact I spent most of the time outside the building, so I didn't have to see her. It was hard to forget her, took me about three years to silence the feeling. Not more than half a year passed, had to change a job, and guess what, she is working at exactly the same place I am right now. Old wound is open again and I have to suffer almost every single day seeing her. It sux...
     
  19. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I will disagree with this, you see your body releases all kinds of happy bonding hormones in bed. Depending on the amount that are released. A crappy personality can be erased as long as there is a craving for those hormones in the body. So if anything good looks are a quick way to get into bed and gain that bond needed to make someone want to be more than just friends. Females are all about intimate bonds and what is more intimate than sex?

    I will also say that just because you win a person's heart does not mean they will go to bed with you. In fact, winning their heart might close off any chance you have of going to bed with a person. Because the person does not want to ruin that sweet innocent friendship. It is easier to go to bed with a person you hate than to go to bed with a person you love because love is pure and innocent. Sadly if you do not go to bed with a person the true love that is needed for a deep intimate relationship cannot be there. After all, why do you think that your sex life is brought up in a failing marriage. If what you said above with true, sex would not matter. However, people lose interest when they are supposed to give everything and receive nothing, it is just logic.
     
  20. JustKindaThere

    JustKindaThere Well-Known Member

    Yeah well you're not alone in this. There's plenty of people out in there who feel exactly like you do. Including me, I'm 24 and I've never had a boyfriend, men tend to completely ignore me when I'm out. I know a guy who's 40, still single and still a virgin and he's one of the happiest people I know (...on the outside anyway).

    idk what to say tho mate, because I feel just like you do... but mebbe we can git togetha, eh? ;D