24 and useless.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Woodsmoke, Sep 2, 2010.

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  1. Woodsmoke

    Woodsmoke Well-Known Member

    Recently had another birthday and yet again, feeling too sunk in stupidity to do anything. Falling back into old feelings I thought had been left in college.

    I am grown up.

    I want to write for a living but my emotional block stops me from getting thoughts down on paper.

    There is nothing.

    I keep walking up to the medicine cabinet and wishing I had the nerve to carry on with it.

    Don't want to face another night, when tomorrow will be just the same.

    I am nothing.

    I do nothing. I want to find a job but find myself feeling to stupid, because of the idiot I've made of myself in previous jobs.

    Just nothing worthwhile.
    And everything just gets worse...
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    You can make yourself something. :)

    It sounds like your self worth is rock bottom, as is your self esteem and confidence.

    Have you ever tried anything like volunteering?

    What happened with your previous jobs?

    It takes a much stronger person to stay and face life, which is what you are doing. Keep fighting.
  3. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    How do you think I feel? I'm 36 and useless. I am the same person who graduated from highschool. No job, no love life, no friends, nothing. You still have time.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You both have time to change you both can get out of that place your in Get into doing something different new idea new classes new anything meet new people go to a different place start over you are both young enough to go back to school and try a different career give yourselves that chance.
  5. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    You know what made me feel alot less useless and more grown-up somehow?
    Getting my license.

    I don't own my own car - my card was suspended this past winter because I was having hallucinations... but just having an extra card in my wallet makes me feel more important somehow; even though the rest of my life's prospects seem pretty bleak.

    Perhaps looking into things other than writing would help you feel better about yourself?

    Maybe you need inspiration to write instead of just sitting down and trying to think of something off the top of your head?
    One thing that many of my filmmaker/writing friends do is: always carry a notebook or a writing pad and pen with them no matter where they go-- or take pictures of things that inspire them, then when they return home, they can write their thoughts out in full and break their block.

    Sorry you feel useless... I'm sure most people on here feel useless too but no one really *is* a waste of skin; we just have to search harder for a purpose to keep moving.
  6. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    There is an uncanny paradox to being useless. Its being used by people because I feel useless. Does that make any crazy sense at all?

    In order to feel useful I allow people to use me in whatever they deem, and for the moment you feel alive, then they drop you and its this empty punch in the stomach. But it's better than just the useless emptiness I feel all the time.

    Congrats on the driver license. That must be a great feeling of accomplishment.
  7. Woodsmoke

    Woodsmoke Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replies, today I feel better, I've gone onto a volunteer website as was suggested and have put in my details- I think volunteering for a while will get my confidence back up..

    Last night was one of those hellish-fights to go to sleep that always results in frustration and hurling pillows and things around. The major problem is, I can't talk about it to anyone in the house. They all think it's stupid.
  8. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you are planning on volunteering. Keep writing, it is your gift. You just do it, OK.:hugtackles:
  9. xfootballer

    xfootballer Member

    i remember during my last major episode that the smallest things made me feel better and more worthwhile, such as making my bed every day, and cleaning up my room. Somedays that was all that i had energy for but it helped get me through it. Don't know if that helps but it's whats helped me
  10. Woodsmoke

    Woodsmoke Well-Known Member

    That did work, cleaning up and helping around the house- I still live at home, though I absolutely hate it. I do feel better if I'm tidy and organised than if I leave things a mess, but just recently it's not doing anything to help my self esteem... I keep seeing things in a much larger view, and this has gone on so long I feel worthless to anyone and the world.

    Little things just aren't helping the way they used to... it feels like a quick fix when what I really need is to move on and away. I want to get far away, but at the same time, I'm terrified of making a fool of myself.
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